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Disappointment see comments |
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Just like in life, Disappointment is part of the BDSM Lifestyle. Whether Dominant or submissive, we don’t always get what we want, or when we want it, or how we want it. Sometimes we wait a long time, some feel it’s an eternity. Sometimes we don’t get it at all. “It” can be anything from an orgasm to a partner. That’s just life in some circumstances. In others it’s denial, lack of response from a partner, or just a poor partner. It’s how we deal with some disappointments and what we do about the other disappointments. When disappointments arise in the flow of a dynamic, such as denial, equipment failures, etc, how we deal with them directly involves how the dynamic might progress, develop or fall apart. Dealing with disappointments in a positive manor, accepting, adjusting, learning from and discussing rationally can move the dynamic forward, or at least keep it on an even keel. Dealing with them negatively, arguing, sulking, blaming and being indignant in no way, shape or form helps the dynamic. It only harms the relationship and creates resentments. Some disappointments have nothing to do with a partner, but with the search and the Lifestyle itself. These disappointments are deeply personal and we each have to try and deal with them the best way we can. Some of us give up hope and leave the Lifestyle, others persevere and continue on. What we do about “other” disappointments is just as important as how we deal with them mentally and emotionally. These disappointments are picking the wrong partner, a partner that evolves differently, being cheated on, etc. these disappointments are the ones that can’t be just accepted, adjusted for and sometimes not even discussed, though if they are, they still should be discussed rationally to keep violence out of the equation. These disappointments rarely have a happy ending. But I have found it useless and only temporarily satisfying to have severe physical reactions to these. I think the key is to assess the situation and just walk away rather than beat a dead horse and try to “fix” things, rather than see it as a new beginning. I’ve always thought a positive response works better than a negative. And with disappointments, I feel it works the same way. © 4/28/24 Ronald Dirienzo
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