Blog : double dating

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5/27/2023 4:15 am

double dating

how did this not strike me as gay? well to be honest it did.

but there was just one small hitch. i was never physically attracted to Men at all. Men were rough and<b> hairy </font></b>and mean. girls were cute and sweet and soft and i liked that. eventually i met one who thought i was cute and sweet too and we started dating

when i finally lost my virginity to a girl it made me feel like a real man and i stopped wondering if i might secretly be gay because by definition obviously i was not and for me that settled the matter permanently.

but looking back i think there might have been more going on there than i was aware of at the time.

i was dating my first girlfriend and having sex with her as regularly as i could, and since i was a , when i was not with her i would spend my nights having sexual fantasies about being with her.

one fantasy that i kept coming back to over and over involved double dating. my best friend and her best friend were also a couple so we did a lot of stuff together, and when i masterbated i had this recurring sex fantasy where the girls would turn the tables on us boys by demanding that they be in charge for a change sexually.

first they would make us strip in front of them and in front of each other and then they would make us kiss. the girls would giggle like school girls while my friend and i awkwardly kissed each other for the first time, but then they would giggle harder and insist that we go farther. the girls would demand that we have sex with each other while they watched. eventually we realized if we ever wanted to have sex with the girls again we would have to have sex with each other first. so what choice did we have?

the thing that stands out about this in hindsight was that in my fantasy i would always volunteer to take one for the team and let my buddy fuck me to satisfy the dare. that way at least one of us would still maintain his honor and his masculinity. i would bend over in the back of his van and he would ass fuck me while our two girlfriends leaned over the car seat and made fun of us and laughed. even as a fanatasy i could feel the humiliation of it every time, but i had that fantasy over and over.

an even more intense fantasy that haunted me through most of high school and even after i started college involved science fiction. as a i was really into sci fi and sometimes i thought about having a clone. i think a lot of people have thought about what it would be like to have a twin or a clone and all things they could possibly do, but i only ever had one thought.

i knew that if i ever had a clone, the first time we met in real life, we would take one look at each other and instantly know what the other was thinking. we were going to have sex with each other right now just like we'd always fantasized about, and we wouldn't have to feel ashamed or hold back. and no one else would ever need to know we were gay, because it would be just our secret.

we wouldn't even have to say a word, we would just immediately take out a coin and flip it to see who was on top and who would bottom.

there are three things about this fantasy that still make me tremble and are very disturbing to me to this day.

the first is that whenever i had this fantasy, i always thought of the bottom as the "loser". he didn't win the coin toss, he lost. he wasn't the bottom because he won and chose that position. he was the bottom because the other guy won and said "strip and get on your knees"

the second thing that strikes me about it is that i always imagined the coinflip was for all the marbles. we were not going to flip a new coin every time one of us wanted sex to see whose turn it was to be on the bottom. this was one coin flip to determine that forever so we would never have to discuss it again and the loser would permanently be the bottom in our relationship for the rest of our life together.

and it was to be a purely sexual relationship. the bottom wouldn't be able to go out or find a job or have friends, because his existence would have to be kept a secret. he would never leave the house, probably never wear clothes again. just stay home naked waiting all day for the other to come home so he could take his Cock again. the stakes couldn't be higher

and the third thing is that in all the time i had this fantasy, i never once fanatasized about winning that coin toss.

i never wondered what it would be like to be the winner and have my own personal fuck toy. i only ever thought about being the loser and having that sinking feeling of knowing that i would never again make love to a woman. or a man either for that matter. or know what it was like to be a real man in any way.

if i lost this toss i would spend the rest of my life bent over and taking it to please my other half and becoming the permanent bitch to someone who knew exactly how hard he could use me and that i would never resist or ever refuse him or ever break up with him. even if eventually he stopped seeing me as an equal and started using me harder and harder and in ways that neither of us would have agreed to at the beginning. but there would be nothing i could do to change it because we both knew i had given him total permission from the moment we laid eyes on each other.

at the time this just seemed like a fantasy that was very disturbing but very hot. but years later i came to realize that these were my first seriously submissive fantasies and the first time that i started to define for myself what it truly means to submit to someone sexually


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