Blog : bud with benefits

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5/29/2023 12:48 pm

bud with benefits

by the time i was in college i was regularly masterbating with wine bottles and bananas and anything that would fit. i discovered that a flashlight handle was a very effective dildo that you could keep by the bed for emergencies without raising any suspicions.

i also discovered the power of abstinence sort of by accident. i still kind of thought of all of this as naughty and sinful, so any time i had an orgasm my lust would automatically wash away and i would immediately feel dirty and<b> ashamed </font></b>for the rest of the day and promised myself that i wasn't going to do it anymore. until the next night when i would be horny all over again.

so i decided that i would just stop having orgasms! as long as i denied myself that satisfaction it wasn't really masterbation and i could touch myself as much as i wanted and not be doing anything wrong

that sounded good in theory but in practice it meant that i would spend hours every night stroking myself almost to completion and then stopping and starting over again and again instead of just the few minutes it would have been if i'd just let myself get off. plus half the time i would get so worked up that i still ended up cumming all over myself anyway, just with a lot more mileage on my privates.

and if i actually did make it through a whole day without an orgasm, i would wake up the next morning feeling exactly as horny as when i left off the night before and spend the whole day getting even hornier and seeing penises and things to stretch my pussy everywhere i looked. i would go to the store and buy bottles of things i didn't even need so i could have something to fuck myself with that night.

denying myself that release not only made me hornier but also kinkier and more homoerotic. i soon learned that after just one day of abstinence i would stop thinking about girls completely and start going to bed each night with more and more intense male fantasies

while i was busy trying to avoid touching my penis and becoming hornier and hornier because of it, i also learned that i really loved playing with my nipples. i found nipple play to be something that was super titillating so i could make myself extremely aroused but it was never enough to cause an orgasm. so it was a special kind of erotic frustration that i would never fully understand until much later in life when i learned more about my submissiveness. i experimented with clothes pins, since they seemed like an obvious choice, but later found more intense things to use for nipple clips. binder clips of various sizes became my naughty secret because i could have a jar of them sitting right on my desk and no one would suspect a thing

i also devised improvised cock rings out of hair scrunchies and shower rings and basically home made cbt devices so i could experiment with giving myself pain down there, but also because it had the effect of preventing me from reaching orgasm. much like nipple torture, scrotum squeezing was eroticly intense and excruciatingly frustrating at the same time. i could spend hours with my cock and balls tied up tight with dozens of rubber bands while i tweaked and stroked and tortured my nipples and never want to stop but also never be able to climax.

i had heard about people shaving their pubes and as i grew kinkier i thought maybe i should try it, but i didn't want to have stubble or be itchy like i had also heard about. and i didn't want to take the chance that someone would notice pubes on my razor, so i decided to pluck them instead. i found the experience to be one of the most erotic things in my life. it took a couple of days to do the whole area, and it involved being bent over double fingering every single centimeter of my pubes and my privates for hours and painfully plucking each one out one at a time. but when i was done everything down there was perfectly smooth and it made me feel incredibly sexy in a strange new way, because every time i looked at myself down there it was like i was staring at someone else. it wasn't me but someone else's shaved pussy in my pants that i could touch and caress all day long

needless to say the more i tried all these things to remain celibate the more i ended up fingering and stretching my hairless hole

one time i was masterbating with a small bud vase. it was blown glass and perfectly cylindrical about as long as my own penis and a little bit thicker. i tried to slide it in base first, but it was flat on the bottom and as wide at the base as the middle, so it was difficult to get it started at first since i was starting from the widest part of the vase. but once i got it past my opening it was perfectly smooth on the sides so I could easily slide it in and out and feel the friction against my hole and all the way inside of me.

i was on my knees with my face down in a pillow and my ass in the air, pushing it a little bit deeper with each stroke, trying to see how far in it would go when something unexpected happened.

the vase was perfectly cylindrical for about six inches, but then it tapered sharply into a narrow neck before flaring out again at the top, which i was using as a handle. my virgin ass was still extremely tight at that time, so when i finally got the first six inches of thick shaft all the way in me, my sphinter suddenly closed around the tapered neck and pulled the entire rest of the makeshift dildo into me all at once, jerking it out of my hand and ramming it completely inside of me. it was as if a thick eight inch cock suddenly slammed itself home all the way to the hilt!

and i wasn't in control. it felt like some outside force was thrusting into me against my will. that rock hard phallus suddenly slammed home and i instantly came, gushing sperm in the most powerful orgasm i had ever had in my life.

like my very first orgasm where the unexpected sensation of a Man grabbing my balls forced me to cum, this unexpected sensation of an enormous Cock suddenly plunging into me sent me completely over the edge. i was cumming and cumming and my thighs and belly were spasming uncontrollably

i was completely humiliated as i franticly tried to scoop up the mess i was making and struggled to pull out the huge dildo that was now firmly wedged inside of me and did not want to come out.

that was the first time in my life that i began to seriously consider the possibility that i might actually be gay and not just a straight boy who secretly enjoyed a little anal play on the side. because in that instant i realized that feeling a Cock slide into me could give me the same rush of orgasm that i previously only thought a woman could possibly provide. more, if i'm being honest. and i wasn't even touching my penis. every time i had ever had an orgasm before that, it was with one hand on my dick. which means the other hand playing with my hole was just to heighten the pleasure

but this was different. this wasn't about me tickling my ass a little while i jerked myself to completion. this was the pure unmistakeable feeling of a hard Cock ruthlessly slamming itself deep into my hole and it gave me the most powerful orgasm i had ever experienced.

it was in that moment that i knew with a heart sinking certainty that one day i would take a man's cock.

maybe not today. maybe not right away. but i now knew that i could never really know for sure if i was straight or gay until i had felt myself being fuck by a Man. and fucked hard

and i was terrified because up until then my gayness was something that was purely conjecture. a naughty secret that i could think about at night and no one would ever know about. and maybe i would think about trying it some day. but probably not.

but if a real man's cock could give me that much pleasure, and there was no logical reason to think that it wouldn't, then there might not be a reason for me to ever be with a woman again. or to ever be a top for that matter. if being someone's fuckhole could give me complete sexual satisfaction, what was to stop me from giving myself to the first Man who wanted me? or every Man who wanted me?

i was terrified because that was a reality that i was not at all ready to accept. but for the first time in my life i knew with a crystal clear certainty that it was no longer just a fantasy


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