Blog : scared straight

1 posts
5/31/2023 7:57 am

scared straight

after that i threw myself into heterosexual relationships. i thought that if i met the right girl and fell in love and married her that it would save me from ever finding out if i was gay, because despite my secret desires, i am also very naturally monogamous. once i form an emotional bond with someone i lose all interest in other sexual partners, which makes it impossible for me to cheat on someone or even play the field when i am single. probably just another part of my submissive nature. so i was sure that finding Miss Right and devoting myself to her was the one thing that would prevent me from ever being with a man.

but each romantic relationship eventually came and went. and between relationships i was hornier than ever and began using the internet to look into kinkier and kinkier fantasies.

i was never really into pornography, because i wasn't attracted to males physically, so whenever a Man came on screen it just made me very uncomfortable. but i started reading online erotica.

i discovered that most stories written from the woman's point of view never mentioned that she had a vagina until fairly late in the story and first person characters never used pronouns to refer to themself, so it was possible to read most erotica and imagine myself as the protagonist being seduced.

i was drawn to a subset of erotica that was labeled Authoritarian because it involved a lot of Dominance and submission and girls being seduced by superiors or<b> authority </font></b>figures. i had done a lot of secretarial work in college, so i could identify with situations about secretaries being seduced by their Dominant boss and then whisked away for a private getaway only to discover it was a secret executive retreat where she was stripped and fucked by all the powerful Men in the company and then sent back to the secretarial pool to wait for the call to serve them again. i learned words like bukkake and dp and bbc from reading erotic stories.

i found even more specific subsections of the Authoritarian library for gay and bisexual characters. the bisexual erotica was basically the same as regular stories of Domination except that the main character was almost always a straight male who was coerced into submitting sexually to a Dominant Man who proceeded to dismantle everything he thought he knew about his sexuality. for some reason those stories hit home for me.

i started visiting chat rooms on sex and dating websites. it probably doesn't seem like much, but that was my first timid step toward letting another person be part of the sexual secrets i had kept my whole life.

at first i visited straight sex chats because i just wanted to figure out how things were done. but it seemed like they were ninety percent male and i really had very little experience at flirting with someone even in real life, so it was hard to get someone's attention in a room full of horny guys.

i started presenting myself as female in the chat room and suddenly found that it was much easier to get into conversations, because the men almost always drove the chat so it was much easier to just be myself and sit back and let them talk dirty to me while i slowly learned to talk dirty back.

i got pretty good at describing how i would give a blow job, starting with suckling his balls then licking all the way up the shaft until i swallowed the head and so on. once i got a man horny enough to want to fuck, it was mostly just saying oh and yes please while he told me what he wanted to do to my tits or my pussy. i would sit in my room for hours completely naked so i could play with my nipples while i typed and talk to guys about how much i wanted to suck their cock.

one time i got into a chat with a guy who described himself as Dominant. i hadn't really thought about what that word meant much. i think i had a vague idea, but i just took it to mean that he thought of himself as masculine and aggressive, which was fine with me. it started off like any other chat with me begging him to let me taste his cock and then seductively describing every step of the blow job. eventually he said he wanted to fuck so i described taking off my panties and spreading my pussy for him, but to my surprise he told me that first he wanted to fuck my ass instead. i thought this was weird because i was playing a woman and i didn't understand why a Man with a woman offering up her pussy to him would rather fuck her ass instead. especially since it was all just pretend anyway, so there was no risk of pregnancy or anything like that. why wouldn't a man's fantasy be to have vaginal intercourse?

i tried to talk him into fucking my pussy instead but he kept insisting that he wanted to start with my ass and i was starting to get a little irritated. it's not that i have any objection to anal sex, especially pretend anal sex, but it really bugged me that this guy wouldn't just do what i wanted him to do. he just kept saying over and over he was going to make me his ass fuck bitch, and there was just no arguing with him, so eventually i said fine and let him do it. i don't think i had ever even had anal chat sex before that, so i wasn't even sure what to describe. so i just kind of sat there feeling extremely annoyed while he ass fucked me, which just made me feel kind of dirty and worthless and then when he was done he left the chat, without even fucking my pussy like he promised. i was furious. i couldn't believe it!

and then i felt this incredible rush of lust wash over me, my skin got very hot as the blood rush to in my chest and my nipples became hard as a rock. i looked down and saw that my chair was a puddle from precum dribbling out of my limp penis. i hadn't enjoyed the chat sex at all, but now that it was over i had this uncontrollabe desire and lust for the Man who had made me do it.

for the next few days i visited that chat room over and over trying to catch a glimps of the Man who had Dominated me so completely with just his words, but i never saw him again. but i did spend a lot of time looking up words like Dominant and submissive and learning more about what it really meant and why people do it.

i started thinking back through my whole life and realizing how many of my best friends were big guys and tall guys and masculine guys. i had never thought about any of them sexually, but i had definitely spent my whole life surrounding myself wirh masculine hunks and being comfortable as the little guy in a a room full of boys who could have snapped me like a twig.

i also learned about Tops and bottoms, which was very eye opening for me. i had always assumed that gay sex was two guys who would suck each other off or take turns fucking each other. i found parts of that idea appealing but i definitely had no interest in fucking another guy's butt when it was my turn. that was a big part of why i had always been completely convinced that i wasn't really gay, just a straight guy who dabbled in butt stuff. it never occurred to me that being exclusively on the receiving end of cock was one of the options.

i started thinking back to some of my experiences and almost all of my fantasies and i realized that i had suddenly gone from being a straight male who was just starting to explore his homosexual side for the first time to a submissive total bottom who had probably been a full blown faggot his entire life but just didn't know the right questions to ask


	Become a member to comment on this blog