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masterless after that i didn't date anyone for long awhile. i think part of me was still hoping that someday He might find himself in my area and require me to be His hotel bitch again, and i would be able to say that i hadn't been with anyone else and i never stopped thinking about Him for one moment. which was kind of true, because whenever i masterbated, which was every night now just to keep myself on an even keel, it was to the memory of every single moment of our one time together. or sometimes i would masterbate to fantasies about how i imagined He might share me. but for the next three years every single erotic thought i had involved my former Master and his amazing Cock. i also noticed that i masterbated on my back now. when i was younger and straight, i almost always masterbated by piling two pillows together to create an artificial vagina and then humping the slit like a guy would. so even if i also had something up my ass for stimulation, i still always reached climax by rubbing my penis in a soft hole like a Top. but since coming out as a submissive i only ever sexed myself lying on my back like a girl. not that girls don't have other positions, but i had almost never seen it in my own love life. but i had definitely been fucked in the missionary position by both of the men i had been with. so when i was on my back, it was only possible for me to have homosexual fantasies where i was the bottom. even if i was touching my dick i didn't feel particularly straight and to be honest i wasn't even using my dick all that much. most of the hours i spent "masterbating" was me working my pussy with a dildo or a plug, or sticking a vibrator inside me and setting it on high, and then teasing and pinching my nipples until i was so horny i couldn't take it anymore. then i would quickly stroke my clitty to a climax. the feeling of warm jizz pooling on my stomach also seemed like a uniquely feminine experience. i would play with the slick semen and use it to lubricate my nipples and continue to play with them while i came down from my erotic high, so i always ended my days sticky with cum. and for a couple years that was my entire sex life. but eventually i did come to accept that my Dom really had given up on me. but what hadn't changed was the fact that i was deeply submissive and my body hungered for a Man to use me for his pleasure. i stopped waiting for Mr Right to drop into my lap and started looking for Mr Now. the first thing i did was become a Gold Member. it was never worth it before, because i already had a Man and several ways to contact Him. but now that i was actively seeking a new partner, it seemed like a safer and more discreet way of exploring my sexual options than walking into my neighborhood leather bar on Underwear Night. once i had access to all the mail and chat features my inbox practically exploded. it turns out my Master had the right idea when He required me to advertise myself better. there were a lot of Men on the site who don't bother to contact standard members. but now that i could answer their mails and unlimited IMs, there were a lot more guys who wanted to chat me up. and many of them had very dark Dominant fantasies. unfortunately most of them were strictly fantasies. i learned that there are a lot of Chat Doms out there who talk a good game but have no interest in meeting in real life. nothing against people who enjoy cyber sex, but it just wasn't interesting to me. i found myself in a lot of long and intensely horny chats that suddenly deflated when i asked if they ever visited my part of the country. but there were also a lot of Men in my area who were genuinely interested in real hook ups, so then it was a question of compatibility. there were SM Tops who wanted to introduce me to the world of Bondage and Pain but had no interest in intercourse or physical contact. there were Men who wanted sex but no oral, or oral but no anal. and sissy switches who wanted us both to wear lingerie and take turns topping each other. i began to realize what a total catch my former Dom was. one of my most persistent paramours was a sadistic Dom whose fantasy was to walk into a darkened apartment and find a sissy sub face down on the bed with her ass in the air, so He could fuck and spank and abuse her for hours and then walk back out without ever seeing a face. much of that titillated me, though He seemed noticeably crueler and angrier than my former Master. He also happened to live in my neighborhood, which scared the hell out of me, because He specifically wanted to use me in my home, so i knew that the first time He used me, i would become His permanent property, because after that He would know where i lived, and regardless of whether i enjoyed the experience or not, i knew that i would never have the strength of will to refuse a Dom who had already used my pussy, if He showed up at my door demanding to use it a second time. or a third. or a fiftieth. and He lived close enough that He could probably use me every single day if He wanted. it had been so long since i had been with my Master that i was now averaging one sexual partner every 5 years. bumping that up to a daily fucking was a huge step up. but that's what i was obviously committing to if i let this Man into my bed even one time. if He took the time to fuck me every day for a month, i don't think there's any way i would ever be able to refuse his Cock. i would become His permanent personal fuck and my home, which had always been my sanctuary, would be nothing more than a fuck palace for his sadistic pleasure. i imagined my bedroom filled with dildos of every shape and size and whips and paddles on the nightstand for His convenience but the big problem with Him is that, true to his bio, He was also very demanding, to an almost unreasonable degree. my very first contact with Him was a message in my inbox asking if i was ready to give myself to him in 20 minutes. since i didn't even see the message until an hour or two later, the answer was obviously no. but before i could even respond to Him to suggest a better time, He sent me an angry email blowing up at me for ignoring Him! about a month later i got another message from the same guy asking if I was ready to submit to be his slave later that afternoon, which was really no more reasonable than the previous request. i hadn't had sex with anyone in 5 years, so i had a full beard at the time and i would need time to shave and remove my body hair at the very least. when i tried to suggest another day, He blew up at me again and i didn't hear from Him again for a couple months. after that i mostly ignored his occasional demands for same day sex. though i have to admit His descriptions of all the punishing ways He wanted to use me were incredibly hot. but as the year stretched on and my subscription was about to run out, i started to get a little desperate. between the nightly chats with over-the-top Fantasy Doms who wanted to turn me into their "no limits slave" and the all-too-real near misses with local Doms, i was becoming horny AF. and eventually i decided i just had to go for it. the first thing i did was stop masterbating. i still dildo fucked my pussy and played with my nipples nightly, but i stopped letting myself cum altogether, just to keep myself in the mood 24 hours a day. one nice thing about spending so much time with the chat Doms was that their sadistic fantasies were so extreme that the cruel treatment of this new Dom started to seem normal by comparison. if i added the intoxicating lust of enforced chastity to the mix, i was sure it would push me over the edge so that even if He turned out to be a complete jerk i would still be able to go through with it. then i messaged the Dom and suggested that it would be easier to submit to Him, if He gave me a little more advance notice, and He agreed to meet me a week from then. next i had to break the news to Him that the door buzzer on my apartment building was broken, so His fantasy of never seeing my face was going to be impossible, since i would have to come to the door to let Him in. He blew up at me and called me a liar and didn't speak to me for three days. this guy was going to be exhausting. when He contact me again, i suggested that we meet at a nearby hotel instead, that way i would feel a little safer and He could have his fantasy of walking into a darkened room and finding me already naked and ready for him. i even offered to pay for it, and He finally agreed. i went out and bought three bottles of his favorite wine. not that i thought He was a heavy drinker, but i already knew this was not going to be a one-night stand, so i thought i should stock up. and i got a couple bottles of hair removal and shaved and burned off all of my body hair. then the day before we were supposed to meet, i wrote to give Him directions to the hotel and He wrote me back, "Never mind, forget it. Too complicated." i was furious! i lay on my bed naked and seething. i am almost always naked when i visit the website, in case a Man wants to see my body or watch me toy myself. so i was naked and horny, my blood racing with lust and frustration, wondering why it was so f*ing hard to get laid in this town, when i heard the familiar ping of an incoming IM. it was a Dom named Toby who had seen my profile pics and thought i looked sexy. actually the very first thing He said was that He wanted me and then told me to go on cam for Him. He seems to like what He saw and asked to see my face as well, which is something i had never done on cam. i was deathly afraid of letting a website that had seen hours of footage of me fucking my ass with a dildo also have a face pic. He also told me we needed to exchange numbers for better communicaton, which was another thing i'd never done before. even my first Master never knew my phone number. but i was so pent up and horny from engaging in months of hardcore sex chat, after not have a real Cock in years, and not having an orgasm in over a week and having a cruel Dom get me so worked up that i was 100% ready to let him fuck me in the hotel across the street, only to have Him dump me just 10 minutes ago. i was so desperate and delusionally horny that i would have done almost anything to please this new Dom. and i figured if i let Him see my face he might not notice that i had forgotten to respond to his request for my phone number. so i tilted the camera up and blushed when He called me a "cutie". then i turned an even deeper red when i realized i had forgotten to make the chat private again and there were 5 other Doms watching me. a cold chill went through me as it hit me that now i really was just a cam . Men who had been ogling me for months and making me perform for them now knew exactly what i looked like. i prayed that no one had been recording any of these sessions my new Dom was so sweet and so firm. He kept alternating between telling me how pretty and sexy i was and telling me how He wanted to Dominate my asspussy, talk dirty, spank my hot ass and piss in my mouth. some of those things were new to me, but i wasn't scared at all. it just made me feel warm and wanted that He desired to put himself in every part of my body. judging by his profile photos, He was big and burly, a former athlete, and He had a huge dick. like porn star big, which scared me a little because my last sexual experience had been excruciatingly painful. i asked Him how big exactly and He told me it was long but not too thick. i asked if He needed me to dress for him, and He said yes, He wanted me sweet and submissive. a gay slut wife. He also likes kissing and asked me if i was any good at it. i honestly have no idea. in the past, i had been told by women that i was a good kisser, but none of the Men i had been with seemed to care about kissing. they had better uses for my mouth. and when they did kiss me there was something awkward about it. He said he was looking for a routine lover and he couldn't believe i hadn't been fucked in 5 years. i told Him it was because i am painfully shy and its very hard for me to<b> meet people </font></b>in real life. He told me He wanted to own me and make me worship and serve. He wanted to come over that Saturday morning and make me his woman. i had already committed to giving myself to a much less compatible man at the hotel across the street so i suggested we just meet there. He asked me my hiv status, which was a huge relief to me after having so much trouble getting Men to practice safe sex in the past. but when i looked up the hotels check in times, i realized that if He preferred weekend mornings for his hookups, we would never be able to have hotel sex without paying for two nights. and i couldn't have Him over to my apartment because the place was a mess and there wasn't time to clean. i suggested that if we waited till next weekend, He could use me at my place. He said that was fine, it would give us time to get to know each other. then He asked for my phone number again. i couldn't believe this was happening. i had only had one conversation with this Man and already he had seen my face, turned me into a cam , got my home address and now i was giving him my phone number. but i was so full of lust and blissful girlish butterflies over his sweet talking that i probably would have done anything to keep Him from slipping away. i had finally found a good one. and i let my guard down completely. |
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