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The Male Ego aka Am I Big Enough? I can remember a time, most men do at some point wondering if his penis/dick/cock is large enough to please his partner to the point it becomes mentally stressing. Now I know there are countless blogs/articles here on Alt.com that touches upon this and most certainly will be a topic here for years. So why am I writing this? The why is me going back to a part of my life to which I now refer to something that happened in a previous life, I am no longer that person. That page of my life has been left far behind in my rearview mirror. Have you ever been cheated on? The worst feeling ever, trust that once was solid no longer exists and no matter how much you forgive, you never FORGET it. This woman I was married to was having an affair and I found out it had been going on for some time, it sickened me. I can proudly say that the entire time I was married, I never cheated, sure I was tempted, but I never crossed that line. So now your probably wondering if I have drifted off the topic of this blog? Male or female, if you are cheated on, your mind just about all the time is asking yourself, "What did I do wrong?" " Was I not pleasing enough intimately?" If you are a male it's " Was I not enough for her in bed?" Word it however you like but those thoughts usually lead to you wondering to yourself/myself, "Wasn't my dick big enough?" For two years, maybe less after I divorced her aka the beotch I thought all woman were whores and let me tell you, nothing is further from the truth. Now don't confuse the I refer to with the words used here by woman and men to discribe a woman, slut, hoe, etc. There is a difference in it's true meaning. I found myself looking at myself in the mirror, found myself reluctant to even attempt to get close to another woman until late one night, couldn't sleep so I ran to a store that was open 24/7. A young woman who was checking me out at the cash register made a remark that it looked like my mind was millions of miles away. She asked if I was okay? My reply was one that it's something I'd rather not talk about and as soon as I muttered those words, she hands me my receipt with her first name and phone number on it. I did not realize this until I had gotten home. So for a day or two that receipt just sat on my nightstand, sure I'd glance at it, even reach for it but did not have the courage to call her. Then I did late one night after I finished making sure my sons were fed, showered and in bed. At this point I was a single parent, exhausted, insomnia was bad and for me to punch those numbers on that phone was oh so very hard to do. She answers and i said it's me, the guy you met the other night. She was glad I called then she was quite, nothing wrong on her end, she just wanted to listen, she wanted to be there for me when I felt no one else could be. So I talked she listened until sunrise, I thanked her for her time but before I hung up she made sure I would call her back and she asked if she could call me sometime? For the next few days we spoke, got to know each other, she invited me over for dinner, listened to music then one evening she hugged me then I kissed her lightly on the cheek which lead to a longer more passionate kiss. So yea at some point I spent the night, broke the tension but us showering together then without details, we made love, it wasn't casual sex, profound meaningful feelings were there. It was the morning after, I woke to her head asleep on my chest, I nudged her awake. She looks at me directly in my eyes and says, "Tony do not ever worry again this, ( her hand resting on my cock) You have nothing to be concerned with, it's her loss." Those were her exact words. It was like a fkn vitamin b-12 shot in my ass, suddenly I got it, finally I could stop looking within myself and judging myself. Her and I enjoyed each other's company for a few months then we both went our separate ways, to pursue our own dreams, selecting our own paths. I like this website, the ability to post random stuff and in this case hoping someone who may read it can relate to it or some of it. We are allowed to some degree to post what we like and the pics we want for others to see for whatever reasons. Please excuse me for taking the long way to say something, I am a creative writer and not a technical writer and btw, all the I wrote here is truth, but now something in my past and something I had to find out from a most beautiful woman who wanted simply to be there for me. Okay, I can't write a blog post without a pic or two, enjoy and pEaCe TonyK  |
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Everyone have a terrific week ahead and if you are in Florida, please watch the storm alerts and be safe
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9/26/2022 6:17 pm |
surely you have stood with other men and pissed with them? had a little peek at what they have then. Remember then what you have, between your legs, yeh down there. Some men are to long and some to fat, maybe you woman had a craving for love and no just a fat dick. I to know the loss of a good woman, I thought it because my dick was of a NORMAL size but no she said, I was very happy with what you have. It was because of your jealous nature.
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I do appreciate you taking the time and reading this and I am sorry that you are going through this but I assure you that you will get past this and it does get better. These cheaters become someone else's problem but it's unfortunate that again this cheater will bring grief to others. Much love to you, hang in there xx TK
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I think that each person's experiences are indeed unique and the circumstances vary depending on many factors. You admit that you now cheat but after reading you, it does seem like your marriage was already over for quite some time. It pains me that people do get hurt and that hurt can be lasting and spill over into other areas of one's life. My views on relationships are very different now and perhaps I will blog about that but I did see an often over-looked film called, The Human Contract and when I watched it I knew I was watching something more in line with me current relationship views. The female lead actress is Paz Vega..Highly recommend it Thanks for the compliment on the profile pic, an ex gf of mine used to do some work on Urban Night Time Magazines for clubs etc and she saw this and forwarded it to me because she knew how much I love the Stanley Kubrick film, Eyes Wide Shut....it is a beautiful yet dark pic...peace TK
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@no_unicorn . I love your POV and your overall outlook on suck matters. I look forward to seeing you here on-line and following you. xx TK
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AbstractSkies, I have also been cheated on (many years ago now), and it hurt. It took me some time to get over it, But like my friend no_unicorn has said, I learned that it may have had something to do with me but I bare no responsibility for her actions. IF I had some input into her cheating then WHY did she not talk honestly and openly with me. She didn't, so how can I have any ownership/responsibility of why she cheated. Plain and simple - I can't, and once I learned that, my life became much better. When you follow the principles of BDSM you learn that Respect is a must, the Honest and Open communication are essential to living this life in a happy and contented fashion. I found that the vanilla life is not Honest, there is nowhere near the required Respect for your partner, and that partners often refuse to be totally open with their partners. That is why you see so many on this and other sites saying "shhh I need to be discreet so my hubby or wife does not find out about what I am up to". If they used the tenets of BDSM, then at least the relationship would stand a chance of success. Now I spent 39 years in the military, and as you may or may not be aware, there was a lot of forced separations because of operations conducted overseas. The general feeling amongst most of the troops was that whatever happened overseas, stayed overseas, and for the partner at home, the same thing. Neither person was ever allowed to mention the casual relationship with the other. If you follow and study human emotions, you know that there are needs that have to be met so that the individual maintains some sort of semblance of normality, which for military personnel helps to keep them alive. These deployments can be for 9 months or more at a time. For my friend no_unicorn, she has had her needs met, and I will bet, her hubby has too, but that does not mean that the love they have for each other, is diminishing. I would think that the relationship will reignite the sparks and love they have for each other. They may just have to gently and quietly manage things so that there is contentment and fulfillment there for them AGAIN. The same thing will happen for you, and for that matter ME, when we find the person that we want to share life with.
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I should add, given the heading of your blog post, size for most women does not matter greatly IF you know how to use what you got, and you are prepared to do things that ensure your partner finds bliss and contentment. That she is happy and fulfilled in the relationship.
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AbstractSkies, I have also been cheated on (many years ago now), and it hurt. It took me some time to get over it, But like my friend no_unicorn has said, I learned that it may have had something to do with me but I bare no responsibility for her actions. IF I had some input into her cheating then WHY did she not talk honestly and openly with me. She didn't, so how can I have any ownership/responsibility of why she cheated. Plain and simple - I can't, and once I learned that, my life became much better. When you follow the principles of BDSM you learn that Respect is a must, the Honest and Open communication are essential to living this life in a happy and contented fashion. I found that the vanilla life is not Honest, there is nowhere near the required Respect for your partner, and that partners often refuse to be totally open with their partners. That is why you see so many on this and other sites saying "shhh I need to be discreet so my hubby or wife does not find out about what I am up to". If they used the tenets of BDSM, then at least the relationship would stand a chance of success. Now I spent 39 years in the military, and as you may or may not be aware, there was a lot of forced separations because of operations conducted overseas. The general feeling amongst most of the troops was that whatever happened overseas, stayed overseas, and for the partner at home, the same thing. Neither person was ever allowed to mention the casual relationship with the other. If you follow and study human emotions, you know that there are needs that have to be met so that the individual maintains some sort of semblance of normality, which for military personnel helps to keep them alive. These deployments can be for 9 months or more at a time. For my friend no_unicorn, she has had her needs met, and I will bet, her hubby has too, but that does not mean that the love they have for each other, is diminishing. I would think that the relationship will reignite the sparks and love they have for each other. They may just have to gently and quietly manage things so that there is contentment and fulfillment there for them AGAIN. The same thing will happen for you, and for that matter ME, when we find the person that we want to share life with. But my willingness to be a good husband and especially a good father was due to my parents putting me into an orphanage at 5 years old and I remained there until 18, never adopted. So I made sure I did my part to be the best father I could. She knew that I was the active nurturing parent and she used all her free time in making excuses to why she needed to be distant from her responsibilities. I can discuss it now here because the bitch can only blame herself for all the bad karma she's received. You mentioned Vanilla, sir you are absolutely on point there, I myself am more comfortable being what many say I am a bit bit strange, weird, dark, a freespirit. I enjoy the people such as you guys here I met, I enjoy going to a kink club, going to gatherings with like minded people. At times I am alone but I am not lonely. I enjoy two fwb's that I've now known for close to ten years. No drama, but more being open with honesty and surprise surpise, even trust. I do tend to ramble on sometimes but I value other people's insight and willingness to pass along their life experiences and advice so thanks ! peace TonyK
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