Blog : The Library

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11/25/2022 10:36 am

The Library

In college i made an amazing discovery. Today with the internet and all the access to information about D/s and BDSM and human sexuality that exists there for the reading it would seem rather lame. But back then discovering a couple of sections of the college library really enlightened my understanding of submission.
During my freshman year i took a psychology class that touched on a few points of human sexuality, including “deviant” behavior such as what i was fantasizing about and craving. i read and re-read that section and then checked out the reference materials to which the author referred. i thought, if there are books out there then perhaps some exist in our library.
i was hoping to find a section dedicated to books on Dominance and submission but this was before they started rolling out in the late 80s and early 90s. Instead, i found information in the psychology and human sexuality books that filled a large portion of one of the floors.
Sometimes i would sit in the library and read the books, being sure to find a secluded space where i wouldn’t be easily seen if i became aroused and began touching myself. Other times i would check out a book, if it wasn’t too obvious what it was all about, and take it back to my dorm to read.
A lot of the information was helpful and some was pretty condemning. There were authors who would have you believe that any person who wanted to be tied up or spanked or controlled in any way was a sick, perverted soul who needed extensive psychiatric help. These were probably all Freudians and i found that fairly quickly i could tell and not waste my time.
Other books provided mixed information. Some of it was enlightening while other books just seemed to repeat the same information that i had read before. While that was frustrating i could understand it. There really hadn’t been a whole lot written on the subject and very little actual research, generally based on findings of Dr. Kinsey.
Mostly i would rummage through works, plucking out references and then searching for them. i discovered as early as the Kama Sutra that there were indications of impact play, hitting and biting for pleasure. i read Fanny Hill, Venus in Furs and some of the works by de Sade and found them a bit lacking. But there was enough in my readings to keep me going, to keep me searching.
i made perhaps my most profound discovery outside the library, though. i was looking through classes that would be available for the fall semester of my sophomore year and stumbled across a human sexuality class that would meet a requirement for graduation. Curious, i went to the psychology department and found a copy of the syllabus. i was surprised to find the textbook being used was one that i had read through (at least the good parts) in the library.
When it came time to sign up for classes i had penciled that class in. my adviser wasn’t so sure i should take it but since it fit in my schedule, including work, and was a requirement, so i had it on my schedule. That was the good news. The bad news was that i would have to wait all summer for the class to begin.


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