Blog : No Sex

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11/27/2022 6:39 am

No Sex

Rebecca’s feet weren’t really the first i ever kissed, licked or sucked but because she was the one who told me to do it, a very Dominating moment, it felt as though it was. In the days following being allowed to worship her feet i must have masturbated at least a couple of dozen times.
It was during this that i realized there really was no sex involved. Rebecca didn’t have sex when she had me worshiping her feet. There was no sex at the BDSM group demonstration i had attended. And yet the entire time those and other events occurred i was so horny i could explode.
Yes, i had forms of sex with earlier girlfriends to whom i projected Dominance. Mary had roughly fondled my balls and i wouldn’t dare stop her. She enjoyed it. Barb played that tease game with me, keeping me hard and horny and then jerking me off through my jeans. i’m sure she enjoyed that.
But those and other events weren’t really Dominance/submission. The girls were just doing what they felt at the time. They really weren’t plotting ways to use and control me per se. It wasn’t a real Dominant act.
So, when i had finally come to face actual Dominance and submission i suddenly realized that sex wasn’t involved. This floored me. i had sexualized all of my fantasies involving my submission; spent countless hours masturbating to them.
The following week when i had a chance to speak with Rebecca about this she seemed to be amused by my great realization. She explained that, as in any relationship, sex is part of a D/s pairing. But also like in any relationship, there is much, much more to D/s than just sex.
It seemed as though everything i had learned up to this point, everything i thought i knew about myself and this lifestyle, were, not so much wrong but rather incomplete. Now, my real education was about to begin.
Rebecca began by explaining that D/s and BDSM is more about control than just sex. Sex is used as a way to create and demonstrate that control. “Control a boy’s ability to cum and you control the boy.”
i asked about fetishes, such as my obvious foot and panty fetishes. She pointed out that using fetishes was a good way to help in training a submissive. That, of course, led to lengthy discussions about training. The way she put it, a Domme will train a submissive to do things that she wants how she wants. But that training is also part of the ongoing process. “In a way it’s how we keep a relationship fresh.”
This confused me even more and she gave various examples of how this would work. The first thing she stated was that not every Dominant and submissive would work as a couple. There are different wants, needs, desires, fetishes, expectations, etc. that each person brings to a relationship and if those don’t intersect or coincide enough then the relationship is doomed.
“It’s as important to understand what you want out of a D/s relationship as what the Domme wants,” she said. So that’s the first step. Figuring out what exactly i was seeking.
But i didn’t really know. i didn’t know enough about it all to have any great expectations. “That’s what learning is all about,” she said. Then she gave me a couple of things for homework. One was a list of BDSM and D/s activities that i was to look over and check off what i liked or even thought i’d like or be willing to try. i was also to “X” off any that i absolutely wouldn’t do.
Because i had no idea what a lot of those activities were, the other thing she gave me was a few pages stapled together that explained what each of those wants and needs and desires listed actually were.
As i was leaving her office she walked up beside me and whispered in my ear, “Try not to masturbate with this. In fact, try to have no sex at all this week.”
No sex. Just learning more about something that i felt i wanted but obviously really didn’t know enough about to understand if i wanted it or not. Damn, i didn’t know which bothered me more, not really having a clue or not being “allowed” to have sex.


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