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Topping from the Bottom: The Reality Apparently this will need to be dealt with. I am currently going through the process of dating, and getting to know someone in my search for a lifetime, live in, M/s dynamic. I know it can take time, that isn't the issue. The issue seems that too many think if someone identifies as a submissive or slave and they talk to that person, that if that person says no, states limits, likes and dislikes, it is wrong. I keep getting told in a first day conversation with some, that I am topping from the bottom when I disagree with them. So for all out there, as I am angrier than a rattlesnake when someone steps on it's tail, just cause someone is a submissive or identifies as a slave, doesn't mean if they have limits or refuse to just bow down and worship you cause you deigned to contact them, doesn't make them a fake submissive or slave, nor does it mean they are topping from the bottom. Apparently too many use that term, "topping from the bottom", in the wrong way. The definition of Topping from the Bottom, is when the submissive, slave, s-type in a play, or relationship dynamic tries to control the play, force the Dominant into doing something they don't want, or to control where a Dominant might strike by moving. It means simply that a person has agreed to submit to the other, yet then tries to top that other. It doesn't mean that a submissive or slave or s-type who is unowned, is under any obligation to do, state, or agree with the dominant. When two in the lifestyle first meet, they are both equals as human beings. I have said that in past posts, but apparently too many still don't understand it. Till they both agree to a dynamic with the limits and such laid out, it isn't topping from the bottom for the submissive to state limits, or say to do that here is what I require because of this. Whatever the this is. A submissive, slave, or s-type has every right to state things to have opinions, and even to say "sorry that isn't for me." If the submissive says that then the Dominant can say "well I need that" and they can part ways. What is atrocious is when the said Dominant then tells the submissive they are not submissive and it is not good that they portray themselves that way. When a Dominant or submissive for whatever reason goes to name calling, or telling the other they aren't as they identify, or even scolding them, it is wrong, and not anything close to being adult. If the person isn't your idea of Dominant or submissive, then just bid them ado, don't sit and send a message telling them they are a poor submissive or Dominant or not even that. It really does show the character of the Dominant culture that I keep running into ones who seem to want submission right away, yet don't know me or even care about my past, or why I have the limits I have. That can never ever be something that will happen right off. It takes actually talking, accepting the person as they are in that moment, and talking to them more than one conversation to be able to even hope to garner the trust a slave like me needs to relax and say "otay, you care about me as more than just property" for me to let those walls down and allow you to push the limits you don't like or get me to explore something I might be against. Remember just cause an s-type doesn't do what you want when you first meet them, doesn't mean they are topping from the bottom. To actually top from the bottom, you actually have to be in a dynamic, and if I haven't agreed to be your<b> collared </font></b>slut, then we are not in a dynamic, we are only talking and getting to know each other. Push my limits before I submit and I will tell you no thanks and walk away. I might be seeking but I am not desperate and while i have some issues, I am worth taking the time to know. |
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