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Looking to understand the sub-dom dynamic This post is only viewable by Local Fetish Fans members. Join Local Fetish Fans now! |
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Welcome to the blogs. Hope you find your answers, There are women on here with similar experiences. Best to you. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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Hi its a symbiotic relationship trust,respect and a mutual understanding of one anothers needs. The only way to know is to let go of yourself, set yourself small attainable goals and broaden from there its ok to challenge yourself dont over think things though keep it raw. Remember theres no shame in self exploration you will never be you if your not wholly truthful with yourself so have fun and be free
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9/3/2023 8:03 pm |
Hi how are you doing ?
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9/3/2023 11:29 pm |
a lot of people even on this site think it's all about sex, and while sex is a part o normal human interaction. It's not the primary focus in a relationship. It's all about control and getting inside her head. While a sub might not be able to show her submission all the time given a particular circumstance. A Dominant is always in control. Thats unless he sees this as a role to play. I'm not always rough and aggressive, sometimes I'm passionate and self sacrificing. That might be anything from saving the last coke in the refrigerator for her or going without something so she might have it. Make no mistake. I'm always dominant and mistaking kindness or compassion for weakness would be a serious mistake. If a woman says she's submissive. Telling me how the relationship is going to be and how I should behave is a big turn off. That's also the fastest way to lose my attention.That doesn't mean I don't want her input, because I do. It's important to have wise council before deciding something, but the ultimate decision is going to be mine. While I've probably been involved with everything ( or most ) that you consider shameful or degrading. None was done without her being a willing participant. I hope this provided some useful information for you. Also consider what you're looking to experience. sometimes a fantasy should remain a fantasy. Don't equate this lifestyle with the negative experiences that you've had in the past. This isn't about having a negative experience. It's about two people becoming closer than what's possible in a vanilla relationship. A blending of souls. you're going to encounter people who are fake and their only interest is fucking you. They will usually be in a hurry to meet you or ask you for nude photos. I've never asked a woman for a photo, nude or otherwise. If she wants me to have a photo. She will send it when she's ready. Hopefully you'll be wise enough to see the differences in a real dominant and the fakes looking for easy pussy. Thats how fakes see women on this site. All they see is easy pussy, but a submissive woman is generally far from that. If what I say sounds reasonable to you and you desire me to elaborate and expand on anything I said. I will be pleased to do so. I don't want to take up all the space on your blog so I will say goodnight and be safe.
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> ".what is it like to actually let go and run with such fantasies? Do you come away depleted and sapped of energy or with a bounce in your step? And importantly, do you still feel respected as a person/ woman or does being a female sub just attract and inflame misogyny? How have you reconciled the power of your everyday self with this sex play?" I'm naturally submissive, especially in the bedroom, but I am also a professional woman. For me, it is incredibly liberating and freeing when I can come home, shed my business attire and drop into my submissive self. It is like a mini-vacation, where all I have to do is focus on pleasing my partner(s). I know that with him I am safe mentally, physically, and emotionally. Yes, some aspects of it are challenging, but I know that when I do well I will be rewarded. It has taught me so much. For instance, we usually think of pain as a punishment to be avoided. I now know that under the right circumstances, pain can be a wonderful reward! I know that many professional women would heap scorn on me for the way I respond to his smile and for how it affects me to hear him say, "good girl." I think the biggest consideration is your partner. Are they someone who will value you as a submissive? Someone who will recognize that your submission is a form of baring your soul to them, and treasure that submission for what it is? I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. Please feel free to IM me or send me mail, I'm happy to help any way that I can. Good luck, and welcome to what can be a WONDERFUL journey!
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You want to understand something that is totally illogical? Why? 
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it's interesting to look back on our lives to events that may have fomented our fetishes. Sometimes that has value.
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A very interesting blog post, CC. Your questions are lucid, eloquent, and to the point. I have wrestled internally with similar ones, myself, at least from a philosophical (and at times, psychological and political, even ethical/moral) standpoint, on many a ruminative occasion. I think your somewhat epiphanous insight that “ [a dominant] may enjoy giving [a submissive] pleasure IN JUST THIS WAY because that is what [the submissive] finds pleasurable…” comes about as close as one can to a meaningful existential answer to the question of trying “to understand the sub-dom dynamic.” It may not be a wholly satisfying answer, owing to the fact that it reduces to not much more than a tautology. One must simply go with the flow and not try to look for definitive or totalizing and comprehensive answers; in fact, it could be said that the answer to the question regarding the.raison d’etre, meaning, justification,and generative impetus that might explain or clarify the sub-dom dynamic, is fundamentally unresolvable,undecidable, self-contradictory, paradoxical, and aporetic. For example, how might one even begin to reconcile the sub notion of having found true freedom in the very act or process of their enslavement or their bondage thralldom?. It is like trying to parse an oxymoron, such as “The silence was deafening.” Another example could be derived from your own posted comments, which, in paraphrase, might resemble the following: How might a female newbie sub reconcile her impulses or urges to acknowledge and explore, more openly and uninhibitedly, her deeply personal and private, but pleasurable and insistent, fantasies of being dominated and objectified, with the equally strong , but opposing, feelings and expectations of shame and embarrassment and pain that would attach to such kinky and degrading pursuits and thus serve, otherwise, to contravene, and perhaps block, the prompts and prods to action by her fantasies? It seems, at times, almost as if the subs and doms interpret their understanding of the D/s dynamic in whatever way or by whatever calculus or metric they choose to employ at that time. I think it would be fair to say that all who indulge in D/s interactive play must, in their own.ways, reconcile their everyday selves (in the workday world or the more conventional, mainstream, predominantly vanilla, societal arena, – i.e.,with family, friends, co-workers, employers, spouses, significant others, etc.), with the other “sides or dimensions” of their selves (whether these be equally authentic, or merely assumed personas), which are able to find time, especially if the bearers be officially retired and/or single, to involve themselves in the alternative lifestyle to practice and enjoy sexual play involving D/s, B&D, and S&M, as doms, dommes, subs, and switches. Many, but not all, will keep this aspect or side of themselves concealed; others will more demonstrably manifest it 24/7.in their lives. It should not be overlooked that there are, invariably, many devotees of D/s that are gay, lesbian, bisexual, cross-dressers, transgenders, and sissies. There are many dommes who will take feminism (equal rights and gender equality) to the next level, in their espousal, with great conviction, of the credo and tenets of female supremacy (the gender power disparity between female Goddesses and male Slaves, or, in other words, between the ascendant Matriarchy and the waning or defunct Patriarchy.). With a more practical, sober, realistic, and less idealistic, outlook, one would have to realize that (as in all other walks of life, even globally) there will always be a certain number of bad apples that –unwittingly or not– seem to be hell-bent on spoiling the whole barrel full.. A newbie sub must never rush into D/s play, but rather exercise patience and good judgment. Some doms and dommes can be unquestionably abusive and narcissistic.Some doms might be misogynists; some dommes might be misandrists. Finding oneself in subspace can often be a dangerous, unhealthy, and terrifying life-changing experience. It is imperative that dom[me]s exercise proper aftercare with a sub who’s recently emerged from subspace.It must be made very clear that there are boundaries and limits that ought never be crossed in D/s. It is more than advisable that a sub’s hard limits and safeword be made clearly and unambiguously known to the dominant partner, up front and in advance. A sub ALWAYS has the right to say NO or, in fact, to terminate their involvement in a session, for whatever reason. .A sub is not a doormat, subject to excessive abuse and intolerable pain. I have to believe that all subs have their own respective thresholds, beyond which self respect, satisfaction, and a jovial ‘bounce in their step” become crawling, foot-dragging, enervating codas or aftereffects of –or a vertiginous descent into– shameful degradation.& humiliation. For some, that threshold seems incredibly high, which, for newbies, might be a difficult thing to get their head around. One must, in the bottom line, make one’s own decisions and always stay true to oneself, in respect to one’s true desires and needs, especially when the options that present themselves for their pursuit and exploration and experiencing, seem counterintuitive and oppositional to one’s ostensible or professed goals and dreams.. In a perfect world, which would include the best of all possible sub-dom interactive play, I would have to agree that a sub-dom sessional dynamic or longer-term relationship should be a symbiotic, synergistic, mutually shared, complementary, reciprocal, interdependent COLLABORATION between equals, despite their respective chosen power orientations; furthermore, I would agree with one of your blog post respondent’s remarks that the dynamic should and must, perforce, include “trust,respect, and a mutual understanding of one another’s needs.” As it takes time to get to know a prospective D/s partner, sometimes it might be warranted to first “ test the waters” and determine levels of partner-compatibility, in one or two introductory & probationary sessions, where the pace might be more gradual and the Interaction, gentler and more sensual, than surprisingly or unexpectedly harsh, punitive, sadistic and freedom-restrictive. In any event, best of luck going forward, CC. Set your own pace, be smart, careful, and enjoy the ride..
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9/8/2023 9:55 am |
Dear BounD2Capitulate, I really appreciate you taking such time to write a very thoughtful and well-considered response, and indeed summarising and integrating some of the earlier responses. I suppose there is as much variety in D/s as there are combinations of humans, exactly as there will be in all other aspects/ levels of relating. Therefore what I take away is a bit more courage to play and explore, and to find what enlarges and energises life for my husband and me. Thank you to everyone who wrote back here or emailed me. I've found the generous responses to be just what I needed to read. Wishing you all the best in life. J
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