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Advice for Beginners! We all know the alternative life can be super thrilling, painful yet euphoric experience, but its like driving a car. You can't just jump in (right??) What would be the best advice you can give to those who are very new to the alternative life style? Surely there's more than just chains, leather, whips, and occasional safe words. ..right? |
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First off, read or otherwise learn all you can about any and all activities that are commonly and not so commonly known. There are kink play and fetish sites like this one that have list of activities. Some are obvious to understand, other not so much. Learn what they are. Secondly, Know who you are possibly going to do any BDSM or sexual activity. Know their background as much as possible. This is a basic safety thing. It also applies to getting into relationships. Thirdly, BE PATIENT. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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Search your heart for what you really, REALLY want in life in general and in the alterative life in particular. Some people are just in it for the sex and are looking for a limited time partner while other people are genuinely looking for a committed relationship with someone in the lifestyle. Time is the one commodity you cannot get back. Spend your precious time with people who have the same goals and desires in life that match yours. If you ultimately desire to have a committed relationship as a goal, don't hook up with a Dom who has a wife and a girlfriend on the side unless that somehow is your thing. The time you waste with the wrong people is limiting your ability to both find and enjoy the right people who are best for what you are looking for. Also you can also just explore and see what is out there, but realize that there is a difference between something being consensual vs abusive. Some people are gravitated to abuse, but try to find someone who cares more for you than just what your safe word is. Pregnancies can happen, venial diseases can happen and even something as silly as a sex related accident (the sex sling BROKE and you though you heard a bone break when you hit the floor) having someone who can be honest, reasonable with you and treat you like either a queen when you need it or at least act like a decent human being when called for is a good thing to look for too in a partner. Lastly, my best advise is find someone whom you can be enough to want you to confide all of your wants, dreams, desires and fantasies in and that the person you do that too will want want to make those happen with you too. A lot of relationships end when people cannot communicate or find out each others others desires are not the same anymore. You might find a guy who wants to bed a woman dressed as a school girl for example, but once you do that a hundred times, what else do you have? When it works best is when you have two dirty minds working on the same wavelength working toward the same goals and desires. My point is, don't just look for sex, look for that partner that will grow with you to become the best partner you and them can be... while still giving you amazing sex! Take care and hope anything I said helps!!
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