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| Blogs > softrayne > A New Box of Crayons |
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Dom School? All right my delightfully deviant, Dominant darlings, time to spill the tea. So how exactly do you go about learning how to do what you do? I'm not talking about the innate qualities that make you a Dom, but rather those skills which can be acquired and honed over a lifetime. Like bondage, or using a whip. Is there a Dom school? A clubhouse? A secret handshake? Seriously though, do you find a mentor? go to a kink club? It seems to me that just picking up a whip and having at it would not be a pleasant experience for the submissive involved. And since her safety is paramount, how does one learn to flick a whip, so that it can go from a light kiss, to a sweet sting, to something even harsher and more dark? Do you practice your knots and quick releases on a table leg? Do you read and learn how to check extremities for blood flow? How long can you leave on nipple clamps? Curious as always, and thank you for your responses. |
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I would like to learn the secret handshake though
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How I've learned things: like any subject, you have to study. So I've studied pictures, videos, the occasional "how to" video, and real-life experiences. And if there's a "secret handshake", well, no one has initiated me yet, so I guess I'm still on the outside looking in!
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1/22/2021 7:30 pm |
I learned from a variety of sources. it began in a NYC dungeon. Sometimes subs past experiences helped guide me other Doms of course and ole fashioned trial and error for things less impactful
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1/22/2021 7:34 pm |
Funny enough there are dom schools. That being said. Nothing beats experience in anything you do. There are table legs yes but you can read notes research material and other peoples trial and error accounts to learn most things. Some of the more dangerous things as you stated blood work take more knowledge and should only be performed by certain individuals. "I will perform nothing that does any kind of harm to my pet/sub/slave" It's a pretty basic operation to know what works and what doesn't before you do something. The pet/sub/slave's limits are also important to take into account as each one will be different and have different flexibilities when starting something new.
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I can just hear the explanation of knowledge blasting out from the dom in a broad southern drawl, "I'm so good that I even whip my own ass." lol. In all seriousness, yes you can learn a lot from others more experienced than yourself, but don't ever underestimate what you can learn from your sub. Everyone is different, and every sub has differing pain threshold levels, differences in normal blood pressure can change circulation restriction, even sensitivity to pressure points can become extreme. Yes, I've seen someone pass out due to a rope on a pressure point, and the rope wasn't that tight. Knowing when a rope needs to be released/removed is something the sub and dom both need to recognise. Even gags and blindfolds can prevent a sub from demonstrating when things are going too far, the use of such needs to be considered. SAFETY, SAFETY, SAFETY, I can't say it loudly or often enough. Learn from others, read and educate yourself from informed and experienced people, AND LISTEN TO YOUR SUB. Take it easy when trying anything new, and don't push boundaries that aren't welcome.
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1/22/2021 7:51 pm |
I went to class at SocietyofJanus.or in San Francisco. It’s a BDSM educational club.
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There are many resources out there, and yes, call it Dom school if you will. Look around, most city's have some sort of a group, the larger ones will have specialized groups. There are large conferences as well, Thunder in the mountains is just one. A few days of courses trough the day, play parties in the evening. Midori in California has rope dojos all the time. Google stuff. I've been to so many I can't remember them all. But you do learn if you are willing to seek out the education.. If someone you are talking to is offended by being asked, then you should politely turn and run!
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If you are a responsible human being, you take your time and your learn. Yes, you learn some from observation, you learn by listening to others who have gone before, you practice practice practice those things like cracking the whip, just like a baseball player learns to get the baseball to cross the plate, You practice those physical things that require skill like the gymnast or dancer learns to do moves nearly automatically without sending clues, just like a horse earns to move in dressage. Yes, in some areas of the country/world the old dungeons for various security reasons had passwords. They were rituals (the so called secret handshake) that identified you as one of us. There the dungeon/munch groups where you can lean to do various BDSM kink activities, usually promoted to do things as safe. Some do try and learn things on their own, usually less intricate activities like plain old spanking. But,they learn from the nearly instantaneous feedback they get from the submissive/bottom if they are. But, the elements of personality that are part and parcel to being a dominant are sort of innate. The desires to follow the path to this lifestyle are triggered in various way. There is not clean and simple pat to self discovery. The self discovery path and innate element of personality is the same for submissive/bottoms. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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I lived in Japan twice for a total of nine years. I learned some kinbaku technique but I really don't have the patience to do it as beautifully as a true Japanese shibari master does. Most of what I do is a consequence of the years I lived and worked in Japan and Korea and in studying East Asian culture at four of the six universities I have attended. Dominance and submission are integral elements of those cultures. I merely adapt them to sensual practices. Since returning to America I have had the advantage of a very fine club in the city where I live part-time which offers exhibitions and courses in various practices and the opportunity to observe discipline and mind-control techniques applied by Dominants to their submissives. I've also spent some time in military environments. Many of the leadership skills taught in the military are applicable to D/s, which is probably why D/s is reportedly more prevalent among military couples than in American society as a whole.
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Well, in my "neighborhood" the best school is "la calle", "el macadam", the suburb of Buenos Aires emerged ... Excuse me ... But it is true that until the fury of "MSN" began, the only thing I lived was the experience that the street gave me ... With the internet on MSN, I entered into groups, chatted with people, met in public places, it was the moment of expansion and everyone at that meeting shared their experiences and knowledge ... I started reading many pages, and in practice I made mistakes like any other, and surely I will make some other but not improvised, when a playmate wants to try something that is within my limits but that I have not done, sincerity above all and We talk about it, we investigate and practice until you make sure you are correct ... There are little books that are not available, common sense, codes, observation skills, respect, vocation, being a gentleman, instinct, leadership ... By the way I am Sagittarius, I am passionate about everything unknown and relationships within this alternative world is something that you never finish learning, because each person is a book to discover ... So as I continue to learn day by day I could not enter all those Universities that appear on Facebook ... You will have seen Rayne all the graduates there are !!!! Cheers... Pd: compliments make me blush ...
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Well, in my "neighborhood" the best school is "la calle", "el macadam", the suburb of Buenos Aires emerged ... Excuse me ... But it is true that until the fury of "MSN" began, the only thing I lived was the experience that the street gave me ... With the internet on MSN, I entered into groups, chatted with people, met in public places, it was the moment of expansion and everyone at that meeting shared their experiences and knowledge ... I started reading many pages, and in practice I made mistakes like any other, and surely I will make some other but not improvised, when a playmate wants to try something that is within my limits but that I have not done, sincerity above all and We talk about it, we investigate and practice until you make sure you are correct ... There are little books that are not available, common sense, codes, observation skills, respect, vocation, being a gentleman, instinct, leadership ... By the way I am Sagittarius, I am passionate about everything unknown and relationships within this alternative world is something that you never finish learning, because each person is a book to discover ... So as I continue to learn day by day I could not enter all those Universities that appear on Facebook ... You will have seen Rayne all the graduates there are !!!! Cheers... Pd: compliments make me blush ...
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Good question. When I started I ran straight into a older slave In the life style. She explained she never experienced subspace and taught me how to take her there over time she taught me a lot. It all starts with the slave learning her first. Every ones different and you can only start with learning.
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There is a local club that has Saturday workshops for both doms and subs......along with other specialized interests, of course 
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Like any other discipline, there are schools, books, videos, etc. Everything is virtual now, of course, but In New England, there is KinkyCon, the Fetish Fair Flea Market, etc for "con" style events. Many groups run classes for things like rope bondage, single tail whips, etc. Going to your local (virtual) munches, pub nights, etc is a good way to connect with people who will know where to find more info.
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1/23/2021 5:30 pm |
Hardest part of Daddy School is learning all those jokes
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Next month find the Fetish Fair Fleamarket in down town providence. Look on the NELA website for information......... classes, vendors, items for sale. A good place to go and chat, learn, make friends and..........explore.........
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1/24/2021 8:16 am |
It comes from inside, by instinct, and the sub is so eager to please it's impossible not to get the hang of things, instantly, at once. Trust your instincts. If an activity pleases the Dom it will please the sub. No need to do what others say. Do what pleases You. Ideas are two a penny in porn and on dating sites. If that fails the sub can be required to suggest ideas for training and humiliation. This requirement can be imposed as a duty and time limited. Don't worry. The depravities will come pouring out!
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I learnt through reading practicing and then sometime switching although this activity does not turn me on, I joined a kink club in one of Australia's biggest cities only to find it was off putting to say the least, cl icky and we ( partner and  were treated like new meat as she was early thirties and i late thirties. Went again but not our scene.So read all I could and we experimented for 4-5 years. Alas my partner slowly turned Vanilla and we drifted apart. I suppose where you learn most is in your head and also know what you are doing. with a whip, a cane and a paddle each has a speed for intensity of impact. as for rope I have been tying things up since I was 8 so that came naturally. intricate Shibari designs do have their place but so does a good old fasion lashing. each to their own. Please only genuine people apply as limited numbers and sevlective as to participants. preference given to F, MF couples first.
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Well initially a lot of my learning came from online encounters with submissives who were also active rt. We chatted quite a bit, she revealing techniques that she enjoyed in the passed. Over the years I have concluded that the best way is a foundation with strong communication, where she is comfortable in revealing her fantasies and building trust. Beyond that a foundation based upon sensuality, so that when mistakes are made, or a boundary is nudged to far we have that to fall back on. Once this covid thing is over...I plan on hitting some munches and demonstrations. I believe I can learn a lot from Dommes about sensual play...of female submissives
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Further thoughts.. I like to believe that while pain releases endorphines.I look foreword to learning techniques which open and excite the flesh....and look forward to learning techniques like a flogger kissing or lightly biting.
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2/4/2021 12:18 pm |
I am English, we have farms, culture plays a large part, rigging on farms, cold branding, artificial insemination, animal tagging, a lust for it, talking to medical professionals, reading, resarching, doing.
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My former House had/has a mentor programme. It encourages people to identify good resources and do their own research, whilst providing a stable and informed reference point for questions. It works. Troy often jokes that he believes in the 'Sinatra method' which means that you need to do the thing before you can claim to be the thing. If someone wants to be dominant, they need to have successfully dominated. If they want to be a sadist, they must have appropriately practised sadism. Not just watched porn and read some things and then designed their grand masterful title. The Sinatra method. Do/be Do/be do... Lilli x
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[post 1113145] This is what we get from those who learn only from their own fantasies.
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This is what I meant to post: [post 1037545] Sorry! Mind you, both are kinda relevant. Lilli x
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This is what I meant to post: [post 1037545] Sorry! Mind you, both are kinda relevant. Lilli x MrB had the label of switch and never really thought of himself as a Dom. Over time and learning from our adventures together of which communication was key, talking to others over the years and seeking out stuff online he very much feels like a Dom.But then it was i that called him that and i submitted to him without any push to do so and i think that is what speaks volumes. If the sub you are with treats you like their Dom then you are on the right track and most likely deserve the title. And he still goes out of his way to learn, he never stops as none of us should really. Life So Short, The Craft So Long To Learn
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Oh, the "Dad jokes" funny Daddy!
I think communication is absolutely key when dealing with a D/s relationship. Of course your submissive is also a great source of feedback. I personally keep a journal for "after play" so I can write down my thoughts, feelings and ideas. That has been very helpful for the Dom, in terms of knowing what worked, what didn't what I'd like more of, etc.
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