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A new breed I hate myself so much today but then I do most days only today I'm crying, I'm crying for not being able to change quick enough and I'm crying for falling for the same thing over and over because of the new breed. Not just new breed of Dom'S but the new breed of men and dating and well people in general . Call me old school , we'll call me anything you like deluded paranoid pathetic ugly worthless I actually don't care anymore. Now one can criticise you as much as you own mind and mine never lets off. Mine laughs at me constantly it questions everything it frightens me it outs me on edge and it makes me paranoid. I suffer from anxiety . I know many do and those that don't well they just don't understand it. I didn't I was happy bubbly and all in all pretty damn nuts I spent my life laughing. 2 years ago I couldn't even leave my house the anxiety was that bad I went on medication when the depression kicked in and for a while the anxiety eased of , someday a I didn't get it at all 😊. That where good days I like those . I came of the meds 6 months ago I ran out and well there was a new doctor when I phoned to get some more, I couldn't go, I couldn't face meeting that new doctor that new person the anxiety has began to build again I spend many nights crying I discust myself what is there to like. My make me happy my give me good days but when there not here I get low, I get to feeling worthless and I get paranoid. I would so like to meet someone, but it's not going to happen how can it work when I'm just going to feel rejected. The new breed doesn't do communication they can't do that good morning text every day, or that random hi that makes you take that deep breath and relax. It's beyond them it's to needy 😟 I met someone on here and by God did I like him even his looks took my breath away, I'd have submitted to anything In a very short time I think there was three times I looked in the mirror a and I liked what I saw. And for this I'm very thankful. But he couldn't give me the morning text ,so trivial so daft but for me it was everything it was that safe hand squeeze I need in the mornings . That desperate rush of butterfly's when I heard his voice on the phone and the excitement but complete nerves that we may meet up over the weekend ,that overwhelming need for the fear I craved so much but also wanting to please him so bad that's a hard balance to find and I failed it. Then I failed with th anxiety I got drunk and after not hearing all day I flew at him last night. This morning I didn't want to get up I didn't want to see if he messaged and I didn't want to look in the mirror. Why can't someone just try and understand, I often think about some of the tasks I'm given some quite tricky some quite humiliatiing and some very painful . Is a good morning text really such an ask after all. They want your undecided attention they want your mind body and soul. But they don't want your paranoia Welcome to the new breed!! Sare x  Go on make my day........................Bite me!! |
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hello , i know others who feel like you . the anxiety , the doubts the whole never ending recriminations . i also understand the resistance to see a new doctor and start explaining all over again just to find No understanding . a very good friend of mine suffers just like you . you probably know this , but you Need to get your meds and stay on them if you want to be able to breathe and live more freely . it is Not a weakness it is a chemical imbalance !! please go back and get your meds . if nothing else than for the sake of your kids childhood...... feeling for you be good M
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I am sad to hear your having a tough time with the anxiety. I hope you can get to the therapy stuff and get the meds prescribed accordingly so you can handl the periods when your kidlets are not around. I don't live in the UK, if I did I know I would love to meet you. Being able to see profiles at the moment, I can say emphatically you are a very attractive woman. Sorry to hear, the guys you were involved with were not as attentive and a bit selfish it would appear. Hopefully, one day soon you will connect with a good fellow. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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Stress & anxiety fuel many a person outbursts. Things will level out. If this has been on going, perhaps seeing a therapist or other professional might help. Something went wrong at some point and maybe your angry and have not had an outlet. Some times going to a health club and just working out can help. In old days, guys would go out and chop wood to relieve their frustrations. I am not saying you need a therapist or to chop wood. May not apply to you at all. But this I do believe, you will find a guy that inspires you. Give him a chance, don;t think a guy has to overpower or demanding of you to change. BTW,I like the pigtails in your new photo icon. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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