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| Blogs > tasina99 > Journey of the Seas |
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The Cloak of Self-Doubt The other day I posted "Welcome to my new-found world of self-doubt. More questions than answers today." and set it aside until it felt right to explore it more deeply and I guess that's now. I don’t have a Dominant or Domly type in my life. So it’s all up to me – what I do, how I spend my time, how I live, how I feel. I found myself shaken by a recent interaction. I lost my footing, lost my way. Confused about what I was feeling I searched for answers both outside of me and from within and what emerged didn’t please me. I somehow threw myself into self-doubt with no idea how I got there. I was confused. Ungrounded. Despite trying to focus on my usual tasks, my mind wondered to that space, that place of my recent experience. Why was I confused, because I didn’t know what these feelings meant. What could the feelings have meant – they meant I still have the capacity to feel. What is the significance of that – I realized I had closed the door on my feelings for a long time and lived my life safely, by keeping myself busy doing things, working, chores – anything that would fill my time. When I wasn’t working, I<b> engaged </font></b>in mindless TV watching (thanks to the menu of streaming platforms) or playing online games. While I went through the motions of interacting with people, I was only there on the surface. There was no depth to my interactions. I had become a machine of sorts, living without any depth of feeling and for the most part empty. And now I need to deal with this new realization and go figure, I’m smiling. I realize now that my confusion wasn’t about self-doubt. I have no idea how I ended up going down that rabbit-hole. I know who I am. I know that the right person and interaction invokes my submissiveness in a very natural way. I know that all my learning was to prepare myself: to put my mind at ease so my heart and soul could be freed; to understand who I am and what it means; to appreciate the freedom in expressing my submissiveness, enabled by a deserving Dominant. I am a submissive, to the core – no doubt about it. A new depth of wisdom can be found in reflection and today for the first time in a long time, I feel joy not only about this new learning and re-affirmation, but as I look out the window, I can also smile at the simple things in life – the sun shining, a blue sky. Shedding the cloak of self-doubt (and confusion) revealed a newfound energy. I wish you moments of joy as you go about your day. tasina © December 2022 "like the seas, her depth and power will only be known by He who inspires her into submission” |
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I think all of us have these moments. some move on and some don't. While many wallow in it, till shaken. No doubt you will move forward. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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Very thoughtful and interesting concept of a true human being. I have the same reflections of dealing with the lack of another person in my life at this time and dealing with the solitude but without lonliness.
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