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A Shifter? A Shifter? (Or Is it Something Else) He shifted — no longer addressing me as he had before, no longer speaking to me, showing me or expressing his care and concern over my wellbeing. I was no longer “his sweet”, I’m only “hey there”. I’m crushed, broken. I’ve often heard the term broken but never knew what it felt like but believe I now do. Daily interactions changed overnight to only the occasional message deferring the time when we might connect again. When asked about his changed his behaviour, he said he had consciously and intentionally chose to step away from the Master-sub interaction and context. He believed I had shifted away from a submissive mindset based on subtle guidance to one of aching for direction. He believed I exhibited both discomfort and pleasure simultaneously which indicated flight. He also said he chose to defer to me on the pace and where ever it may go. He failed to acknowledge that his demonstrated lack of respect towards me, his lack of disregard for me and my wellbeing, his unreliability triggered the discomfort. These behaviours deviated from how he represented himself and how he had laid out the path forward back in the beginning. I respect that people change or that circumstances might trigger different behaviours, however, if that’s the case, then how can one but be uncomfortable due to the erosion of trust, if it’s never shared. I wonder can a Master (or a sub for that matter) unilaterally set aside an arrangement without any form of communication? I guess one can, however it begs the question should one. What does a non-communicated unilateral decision say about the principles of integrity, respect and trust, upon which this lifestyle is based. What then does it say about the one who acted in this way. Inferring I am not a submissive is hurtful, demeaning. To be told I haven’t followed guidance that would pleased him is disappointing. He speaks in generalities without providing the substantive feedback on a timely basis that helps motivate one to correct behaviours. Aside from those questions, despite my attempts there is little evidence or indication of acceptance of me by others as a person, let alone as a submissive. I try to share who I am, what I think and believe only to be met with those who don’t like it, even to the extent of telling me to “f*ck off”. I clearly don’t fit into their “box”. Facing these situations prompts one to consider whether it’s best to retreat and remain hidden, once again just blending into societal norms rather than who we actually are. Acceptance/rejection - two extreme dynamics that can make or break a person or their spirit, thereby invoking a fragile state, one of feeling and being unworthy. The question then becomes how much weight should these experiences carry in one’s life. It remains to be seen, for the damage is done once the thoughts enter the mind. But then these are only words expressed by others on a screen. I wonder if things would be different if these were in-person interactions. Lessons of life, some less desirable than others. The final outcome yet to unfold. tasina © April 20, 2023 "like the seas, her depth and power will only be known by He who inspires her into submission” |
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Someone once told me that I didn't have a sub mind and it struck at the heart of my existence. I tried so hard to "find" that part of me but realized it wasn't all about me.
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@drmgirl622 Thank you for sharing. It's good (but unfortunate) to know it hasn't only happened to me. Most disappointing to realize it's likely a common occurrence. People criticize that which does't fit within their mental model. I suppose that's to be expected, as we can not be all things to all people. That said though, I believe it's more about how the message is delivered. It takes maturity to say I'm not interested in a respectful way, without diminishing the other person. I trust your journey has gone better since that time. "like the seas, her depth and power will only be known by He who inspires her into submission”
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