Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > Dreamcatcher__ > 奥の細道 (Oku no Hosomichi) |
|
Loving Women Reading Hemimgway's novels can be surprisingly enlightening. Concerning women, in The Sun Also Rises a 27-year-old Hemingway writes in the quaintly breathless dialog of the 1920s "Women make such swell friends, Awfully swell. In the first place, you had to be in love with a woman to have a basis of friendship." I have often felt guilty about being secretly in love with women who regarded me only as a friend, as I in fact also regarded them. I have also felt conflicted about having women friends who were in love with me and wanted me to be in love with them. This was particularly hard when I was already in a relationship. How could I retain their valuable friendship without betrayal, without lying to one of the two women? I can resolve it to myself by acknowledging I am polyamorous, but very few of the women I have encountered accept this concept. One may be able to accept polyamory, but two? Not likely. Apparently, I needn't have worried. Hemingway had paved the way for me before I was born. "you had to be in love with a woman to have a basis of friendship." It was, at least in Nobel-Worthy literature, an accepted concept. I wonder how many women would accept this? How many would consider the men they may trifle with, whom they regard as "just friends," had to be in love with them to have a basis of friendship? I've sometimes tried to convince some women of the obverse: being friends and having a sexual relationship was possible, when they insisted on being in love. It's nice to know being in love and being friends are mutually-dependent activities. Hemingway goes on greater length about this concept. His protagonist, Jake, has suffered a war wound which has left him emasculated. He is resigned to having Brett as a friend, while she wants something more. She seems to be the one who needs to be in love, but is also blocked by their inability to sexually consummate the relationship. Hemingway goes on to say "I had been having Brett for a friend. I had not been thinking about her side of it. I had been getting something for nothing. It only delayed the presentation of the bill. The bill always came. It was one of the swell things you could count on. "I thought I had paid for everything. Not like the woman pays and pays and pays. No idea of retribution or punishment. Just exchange of values. You gave something and got something else. Or you worked for something. You paid some way for everything that was any good. I paid my way into enough things I liked so I had a good time. Either you paid by learning about them, or by experience, or by taking chances, or by money. Enjoying living was learning to get your ' money's worth and knowing when you had it. You could get your money's worth. The world was a good place to buy in. It seemed like a fine philosophy. In five years , I thought, it will seem just as silly as all the other fine philosophies I've had. "Perhaps it wasn't true, though. Perhaps as you went along you did learn something. I did not care what it was all about. All I wanted to know was how to live in it. Maybe if you found out how to live in it you learned from that what it was all about." |
|||
|
Being a friend of Yours, all I can say is Thank You.  
| ||
|
Being a friend of Yours, all I can say is Thank You. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
| ||
|
Thanks to all of you who have posted comments, especially the women. I have gone back through this piece a dozen times fixing my mistakes (e.g. impotent for emasculate... Hemingway doesn't use either word; he lets you puzzle it out for yourself) and, much more often, the robotic alt system's fucked-up deletions and changes to my text and Hemingway 's. I will try to reply individually to a some of the comments to see if we can get a conversation going here, but I may not do it right away. I haven't been to the mountains for over a week. I need to get right with nature before I get blackballed.
| ||
|
there are many forms of love. To me you can love a woman as a friend, it is not always about bedding them. I have males in my life who are friends and who I love worry about, confide in, and I cannot imagine life without them in it. They are strength comfort companionship laughter and tears. But I am not poly. There is one in my life who has that part of me that has a deeper love and that intimate physical side,as well as my heart, mind . the other males in my life who are close to me mean the world to me just in a different way.
| ||
|
Wow. I'm not sure there is one single "woman's point of view" even in the 'nilla world. Throw D/s into the mix and you end up with a Jello rainbow of sorts. I'm to the point where I suspect that loving itself is enough. It's the pay-off even if there is no physicality as a reward. There are people in this world who are just so darned stinkin' lovable without even trying. They are usually already safely tucked away by some smart significant other. If you're on the outside looking in--what to do? What to do? Bless them and realize that they deserve all the good things they have. I have not found a satisfactory resolution to this. I'm not sure there is one.
| ||
|
I still probably need somebody to explain this to me from the woman's point of view. 
|
 |
 |
 |
| Become a member to comment on this blog | ||
 |
×
×