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A Dominant's Responsibilities A Dominant's Responsibilities When a submissive or a slave is in the service or a scene with a Dominant, I feel they become the Dominants complete and total responsibility. During a scene the sub or slave is giving their body, mind and soul to the Dominant with trust and honor to do with whatever they wish (within the subs/slaves limits, usually). This is why it's important that both sides be so honest with each other. If the sub/slave has a heart condition or asthma and their Dominant will be doing breath play, it could become a problem. Or if the sub/slave is allergic to latex and the Dominant is using latex or rubber gloves to touch various parts of their body, well anyone who is allergic will understand that one. It's not so erotic when you're swollen and itchy in your most sensitive areas. Furthermore, if the sub/slave was wearing contact lenses or had a nose job recently or tooth pulled even and the Dominant slapped them in the face for humiliation or corporal punishment scenes, those slaps could become very painful and do more damage then the Dominant had planned. There is also a need to know what medications the sub/slave is taking every day and the day or weekend they are serving or having a scene. The Dominant needs to be aware of everything going on in the sub/slaves body, including medical conditions and allergies too. It is both the Dominant and the sub/slaves responsibility to talk about these things before any scenes take place and for both to be honest with each other about them. If the Dominant feels the sub/slave isn't telling them the truth, it is their responsibility to address it or walk away and just not scene with them. Too many things could go wrong. Unfortunately, when the cops come and see a person having a heart attack while tied to a table, they will blame the other person for tying them up. The Dominant should have already talked to the sub/slave to find out if they had heart problems before the scene. (Even with honesty there are still accidents and things you cannot predict, so it's best to know as much as possible anyway). We must all be aware of the people we play with. To be safe, sane and consensual, it is a requirement. Just like when you meet someone at a party. If you go home and have sex with them, you need to know if they have anything and use protection, this is a similar situation. You need to know the other persons history to make sure everything is considered and is or isn't safe. I also wanted to go into the importance of after care as a Dominants responsibility. If you're bringing a sub high into subspace you need to give them time to come down safely. Some skip after care all together. I think it's an important piece of the puzzle. You don't want to send a sub home while they are still floating. It could be as bad as them drinking and driving. They could have a horrible accident from their mind still being in the clouds. The best thing to do is bring them down gradually. Some let them curl up on a couch and take a nap while the Dominant keeps an eye on them. Keeping them warm is important since most are usually naked and get cold after such a ride and the shock to their system, especially if their body temperature drops. Also keeping fluids handy in case of dehydration is always good. Once they look up at you and call you by the correct name again, they are usually back down to earth. This nurturing and time spent together also creates a bond with the Dominant and a sub/slave that cements the relationship. Saying things like good girl or good boy, or whatever they choose to call them, gives the sub/slave a sense of accomplishment and pride. One of the most important things to them is pleasing their Dominant. So let them know when they do, praise is good! I like to sit with Mine and listen to them breath and run My hands over their cheek. I check to see if they're cold, while also letting them know they are safe in My hands and I'm right there so they can relax after doing such a good job for Me. Other responsibilities: Safety in the scene. For example: if using candles, make sure not to burn down the Dungeon. Keep water and/or fire extinguisher handy. Use common sense. Make sure the doors are locked to ensure privacy, so no one will be walking in on you both in the middle of a scene. If the sub/slave has a safecall, make sure they call them when they are supposed to! It could become a problem if the person watching them doesn't get that call, then calls the police only to find out they just fell asleep on the couch. Knowing the sub/slaves limits and how far to push without doing damage, mentally and physically. Knowing the sub/slaves medical, physical conditions and any medications they are on. For example: If they are taking pain pills because their knee is hurting from work the day before, then you should skip the pain scene for the day. They wont really feel the full affect of it. After Aftercare... Checking on the sub/slave after the scene. That night or the day after is a good time to call them or email, or even have them call you the next day. Let them talk about how they feel. Pay attention to what they are saying about the scene. It will give you clues on how best to play with them in the future. Once a Dominant does this a few times it becomes more of a natural routine then a task. If you play with the same person all the time, it's even easier to read them as you go. Have fun pushing limits and pay attention to each other and the relationship will blossom. Mystress Sandra |
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I hope you won't mind if I post a link to this, there are many people out there that still don't understand that aftercare is a requirement, they lack a sense of responsibility.
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12/19/2008 3:56 pm |
thank you for the great post! "She makes the cutest faces when she screams obscenities" "My Queen and I" The Gym Class Heros
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1 post 3/11/2009 11:15 am |
Thank you all for your wonderful comments. I'm not really much of a blogger, I wish I had the time to write more, but moving again is making it impossible. The addition of My femsub is keeping Me quite busy as well. MyLoveandPet, feel free to use My posts for educational use. I agree, too many skip aftercare but then again most on here are just here for sex, not BDSM. I'm starting to feel like the minority. Anyway, I will try and keep you posted of the progress of My baby girl,(MSandrasbabygirl). She's coming along perfectly. I'm encouraging her to start writing more, but there's only so much I will let her share with a million strangers. She is allowed to post some pages from her journal with permission though, so keep an eye out if you're interested. Forever Enjoying It All, Mistress Sandra
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12/1/2009 8:27 am |
wish i was near You.
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MistressSandra. I loved reading Your blog. You truly are a caring/knowledgeable/exciting Mistress. i hope you'll blog more in the future. Respectfully. cap1963
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If i may be so bold i do love Your photos.
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hi mistress..i would love for you to give me a spanking and love for you to use your strappon on me..i hope i am worthy.ty john..
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