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Self Pity Yesterday, I did a life drawing class for the 1st time in forever. It was good, except I'm sitting there, trying to remember anatomy, because I can't actually see the muscles anymore. I know where her fingers have to be due to gross arm placement, but I can't SEE them. I study her face on breaks while we're talking, so that I can remember and then try and rotate my mind's eye to interpret what I'm doing on paper. I hate admitting I can't do something. Particularly the only thing I've ever showed some talent at, but its sooo damn frustrating. To know that your hand could do it, if you only could see well enough to figure out where that shadow is. And today is a bad day -- I'm trying to look at anatomy pictures and I had to break out the big magnifier. I know I need to learn that some days its just not going to work, but I am so scared that its going to keep getting worse. I don't want to be incapable and dependent, I'd much rather not be. Ok .. enough wallowing in self pity. Beethoven was deaf, Monet lost his sight. Suck it up buttercup. I can't change it. I can hold that modern science figures out a better solution, but I need to learn grace. I don't need to become a crotchety old bitch, that will make everything worse. |
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Sounds like you understand what is happening to you Perfectly, and seek to avoid becoming bitter. You have already won most of the battle. I can empathize with you. It is frustrating when you had better than 20/20 vision and realize it is declining, or hearing isn't what it once was! The biggest fear is not knowing how far it will go! The up side is realizing it can be treated!! Accepting it, and trying to do what ever you can do to keep what you have is what we do. Have fun with your friends, laugh about our frailty, have a glass of wine or three!! Don't feel like the lone ranger, lot of us with you! KEEP Drawing!! You will learn to adapt!! J Serve me!! It is what you crave! jdxafn at hot....
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Love to see you naked, but I probably never will! I understand frustration! LOL Serve me!! It is what you crave! jdxafn at hot....
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