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Revealing oneself The word reveal, to discover, uncover, show to the light, is an interesting word itself. When one attaches it to oneself, the panic ensues. Do I wish to show that which I am, that which I am not, that which I wish to be? And who is it that I am revealing that to? In order to reveal, someone must be observing -- otherwise its getting undressed by yourself in a dark room. Certainly it is possible to reveal to yourself, to the world, to others, to one person. IF that is so ... to whom am I revealing in this blog? The entire process is unnerving. When I first meet someone, anyone, the spark is new. I want to find out more, what that person is like, how that person compares to me -- where that person fits in my view of the world. Sometimes, that means the person becomes a friend, a confidante, a lover. It also can mean the opposite. I'm sure everyone has met someone they do not wish to know "better." The woman at the meeting with the voice that grates on your nerves. The man, that for some reason, reminds you of your creepy uncle -- maybe its the receding chin, or the uneven sideburns. I like learning about people; I even like revealing myself to others -- to a point. And then, it threatens. Like the draw of watching thunderstorms ... building clouds .. darkening skies .. the power of the sky and nature itself rising above your tiny existence, but that moment cannot last. Always the storm breaks, the pressure released, the promise fulfilled, the commitment given. That is the moment I fear -- and desire -- the most. Is it worth it to lay bare one's soul, to let someone else in to the inner most sanctum. Its reaffirming, but also releasing .. one becomes more and less as the "chains of egotism shatter into the ocean of humanity." In order to be with someone, one must subsume oneself ... realize that both egos exist inside one space ... find the place where balance is created, where unity overrules duality. *sigh* Why can't I just say I have a hard time letting someone in? |
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1/9/2009 6:26 pm |
ditto
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The journey is definitely the most interesting. I was just a little philosophical about how scary it sometimes feels leaving a comfort zone. Maybe the several drinks I had with dinner affected it as well . . . *grin*
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