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Shy, not shy .. both at the same time? Yes, I am shy. I know that some people cannot quite believe it, but I really am! To me, there is a difference between the internet and real life, and a huge difference between the me on a typewriter and the me in person. The me in person ... nervous, shy, worried. I don't meet people well. I will say hello, smile, and then move about on my business. I don't mix well at parties; I am the girl standing in the corner wondering what to do. Once I get to know someone, or am around friends, its different, but until then I am such a wallflower. The me on a typewriter/keyboard ... I can speak correctly. The words are easier to say. The delay in seeing my words before they go out, makes me feel more confident in what I say -- even though I rarely erase anything. And yes, I even will play on cam -- partly because I can end it at anytime I want, and I show what I want. I enjoy getting to know someone without worrying so much about the physical. The physical is important, don't get me wrong. I am not a supermodel, but I am not repulsive. I have always fit into the "cute" category. Meeting someone in real life is just nerve wracking to me. Not only am I worried if I look ok, if the outfit is too casual, too fancy, trying too hard, etc ... but also I have to worry about my words and body language. I have met people that I liked who walked away thinking I hated them and weren't interested at all. I just have never really learned how to flirt, and been hurt too many times. But the keyboard is safe, distant .. like Valves to turn the attention, to shut out any that don't belong or offend. (bonus points to the allusion) And since I am starting to wax on, I should say goodnight! |
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