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What is this word .. submission? Many people use the word submission to mean different things. While the women’s liberation movement spits it out like a curse word, many religions utter it with reverence. The BDSM movement always seems to speak of submission in the context of balancing and exchanging of power. In my thinking, its based more on the actual meaning … sub, of course being under . . . and missive indicating communication. To submit then means to follow others, not necessarily to give up. I’ve read in many places that submissives have more power, but I am not sure that the logic follows that thought. Yes, I suppose it is a power exchange. When I am willing to give up control of certain things, it means I am giving it to someone else. But that doesn’t mean a total loss, nor does it indicate a destruction of something. Knowing that someone else is willing to take control, means that I can experience without the internal dialogue, “wondering if what you are doing is ok, wondering if you look silly.” Lots of those nagging questions from the subconscious become meaningless, because its not about that. Its being able to actually be present in the moment and willingly let things happen to you. Its not about controlling your emotions or protecting your feelings. But it’s not just about giving up control or responsibility, its something deeper, more personal and less self-destructive. I’ve never seen submission as self-destruction, more as a way to express all parts of me. Hopefully, I don’t want to be submissive because I’m not worth enough. Really I do have good self-esteem. I know that I am smart and capable. I sometimes (ok, lots of times) feel a little inept in the bedroom. Sometimes sex is awkward, funny, messy, and just plain odd. I think the worst thing that many submissives do is let themselves become a doormat. Its really important to remember the things that are hard limits and why they are hard limits. I know how it is really easy to let yourself be talked into something if you care about the other person, or if you’ve decided to give someone else control. Pushing limits is one thing, it’s the same thrill as a roller coaster, or rock climbing, trying something that is just at the edge of what you are comfortable with. However, it’s terribly necessary to know what is an acceptable risk and what isn’t. Submission doesn’t make someone LESS of a person, it makes them MORE of one. They are reaching beyond Maslow’s maintenance needs and on to the actualizing needs – the needs that make one not only truly happy, but also a person, not just someone going through life’s sequence of food and security. From the first time that I let a dominant tell me what to do, it felt reassuring, comforting, safe, as well as absolutely arousing. While it can be slightly (ok lots) embarrassing, the act of submitting feeds some kind of part of me. It feels rewarding, loving, protective to know that the person is willing to take that control and use it carefully … use it for pleasure. I don’t quite know why pain is sometimes pleasure, but it certainly is. I found that out the first time I let someone use a flogger on me and just about swooned because it felt so good. I know that many think that there must be something wrong to want to get hit, but I think about it like different levels of sensation. Sometimes you want a nice soft touch, sometimes something much rougher. I’m sure that if there were a flogging every day, it would cease to be pleasurable, but the balance of nice, normal, soft things … and then hard, rough, even slightly painful things make life … well, more interesting. There’s also a weird line between playacting and submission. Yes, there are times I am not submissive, not thinking about being submissive, not even a little bit. Does that mean when I am not, that when all of a sudden I am submissive, that I am just play-acting? I don’t think so. There are different areas of everyone’s life, and well .. if sex was the only thing on people’s minds, the world would be quite different. Submission is just a part of life, it isn’t everything – but neither is anything else. Just like I can enjoy walking, that doesn’t mean that when I am not walking, it makes me a “play walker.”(LOL, ok that was funny) Its also the idea of doing/trying something that you might not ever do on your own. Seeing the world, and yourself, through someone else’s eyes. Finding out what your limits are and where your personality actually is, how you “fit” into your own body. I know I’ve learned a lot about myself even through horrible things that have happened. Finding out how strong you are, what things really are normal, and what things are not. I’ve learned that in many ways, being submissive sexually is part of who I am, its just this little part that waits patiently for the right time to come out. |
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Never forget, you are submissive, not inferior! Communication in a Dom/sub relationship is sooooooooo important because every submissive is different, every master different. You have very different needs from another sub I know, who has different needs from another sub and so on! The master will set the tone of the relationship and decide what you will do, it takes place within the context of a subs hard limits! While it is imperative you be open, honest with your Dom at all times, realize he will push your limits! You will change as the relationship evolves, you will lose a few of your limits, but it takes time and TLC!! Can you have TLC with a whip?? HUMmmmm Serve me!! It is what you crave! jdxafn at hot....
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