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Am I ready for this? Well, I want and met someone. Eeks! Basically on the spur of the moment, but it was someone that I have talked to for a long time and felt pretty comfortable with -- online at least. It definitely went farther then first meetings are "supposed" to go, but there was quite a bit of good, and not a lot of bad. Basically I need to decide if I want it to go further. I kinda do, but I also have some concerns -- there is that brain thinking stuff I am so wrapped up in. The good: sub space -- oh my. I had totally forgotten what this was like. Totally forgot how crazy it is when my brain totally shuts off and I am soaring on some major adrenaline rush. This really must be like drugs or something. Ok, yes, it is a drug, adrenaline. But I mean it must be like the allure of illegal drug use. being pinned down -- I do love the feeling of being overpowered. *happy sigh* I also like it when someone is strong enough to hold me. I tend to trash and pull at times. It is an overwhelming thing. When something is right on that edge of hurting but also feeling good, it is hard to want to keep going. Specially when there is definitely some of that pain. I don't know that I am an actual pain slut. There are definitely some bad kinds of pain -- pinchy, sharp stuff -- as opposed to thuddy pain. LOVE the thuddy kind. feeling pretty content -- yeah, I was. It was very good. I wasn't feeling like I needed to run off, which is always a good thing. I was able to calm down and relax some (and some definitely NOT calm moments, but that was very good as well). cumming a lot -- do I really need to say more? no actual sex -- this may seem strange, but I am really really glad he didn't push this line. For one, since I hadn't planned on playing, I hadn't brought up the "rules" for this one. That entire safe sex, condom thing. Hubby and I have a pretty strict rule on that one. delicious spanking -- *waves heat off face* so good. Never want to admit that in person, but I love that. the bad: ouchy! -- my nipples are sore! Way too much biting and pinching. It was some good, but maybe too much? I have very sensitive boobs, and they really felt abused. However, an ice pack helped last night. marks -- I don't like them; he seems to really enjoy making them. That is somewhat of a limit that my hubby and I have about playing, is definitely no intentional marking. Basically the marks are confined to my breasts, although I think there are a couple light ones on my throat. I particularily don't like marks others can see. Guess I am glad that scarves are popular at the moment since I really hate turtlenecks. slapping my face -- grr. Never have liked this. at all. was only a couple times, and light, but I definitely need to bring this up. names -- oh *deep sigh* I never have gotten the talking dirty thing. I don't like certain words, comes from being a writer-type. He didn't use the really offensive one, but is definitely close to the *ugh factor* the confused: breath control -- I've never been into this. Actually I have always kind freaked at anyone grabbing my throat. (Goes back to my stupid brother when I was young.) However, it was somewhat good. It was never so much that I was afraid I was going to pass out, although I could see the line being really close. pictures -- Ever since a REALLY BAD incident with someone who ended up stalking and trying to blackmail me, I have a real aversion to pictures. However, he took like a billion. All with careful assurance of trust and discretion, but I have a little sinking feeling that I may regret it. I hope not, I don't really want to have to go through some of that again. I know it is a total case of "burned once, twice shy" but I worry. Of course worrying is like an Olympic sport for me, so I am not sure how much of this is reality and how much is me fearing since the last time was so painful. the thing that made me cry "Uncle": one bad ouchy moment, but it is all me and not being sure to warn about things. I have a pretty good scar on my wrist from a couple surgeries ... there is one little place that just causes intense pain when hit. That one isn't really his fault, it is mine for not mentioning, and it isn't like I don't accidentally hit it every so often. The good part is that he immediately let go, so no real harm done there. Plus, it is hard to be fussy about something that I love -- being pinned down. the stupid: Totally forgetting about "subbie high" -- dear me I forgot .. Forgot how amazing it feels, forgot how on top of the world, able to do anything, feeling sexy and amazing and desired. The only bad part about this is after, as I was driving home, I felt so great that I ended up going to a poker game I was invited to. And then the crash .. ugh .. where you just are exhausted and spent. It is kinda hard to play poker through that. However, I ended up with 3rd place, so I must have been doing ok. People did make fun of me for being totally out of it, and for saying some stuff that I normally never say (some jokes, and leaving myself open for some zingers). Eating -- oh yeah, that thing. That is one of the problems of being off a normal schedule. I realized as I was getting home from poker, that I had nothing to eat all day -- and the 2 beers at poker. Right, that was totally dumb. Plus I haven't gone to the grocery store, so I need to fix that this morning. the smart: setting up a "safety call" -- yes, I did do this .. with someone who knows exactly what I am like in sub space and knows how to find and save my ass. So, all in all, a pretty intense meeting. I know I don't usually write this much, but I needed to get my thinking straight. |
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11/20/2012 9:03 am |
pretty shoes
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I hope that he doesn't abuse your trust with the photos ...
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