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Blogs > miss_priss29 > My Blog

miss_priss29 54F  
2 posts
3/14/2012 7:33 am
THE MAJOR ADDICTION OF MIDDLE GIRL

My Dearest Alpha/Love/Daddy,

I really do not know what to do with all the confusing thoughts and feelings I am having. I know without a shadow of doubt that I love YOU. You see my Darling I have to because You are my addiction. But do You love me as You claim to? Or am I just the same same lil scared naive girl so desperate for just a morsal of Your affection? Yes, You do claim to love me, and when W/we are together there is no (ok not many) doubt. And when W/we are together You tell me all the things I so loningly want to hear. But even then I see the signs of the game sighing. Still I cling to You, because You are my addiction. Do I not see the scences that start sometimes as early as 20 minutes after I log off? Oh yes, I have read them each and everyone just shaking my head, desperatly trying not to beleive what a fool I am yet again. I ask my self over and over again did you learn nothing playing second fiddle to Art and then to Key? Yet still I can not walk away, because You my Darling are my addiction. I know I swore after Key I would never play second fiddle ever again, but here I am once again a member of the band not even sure on some days if I am sixth or seventh fiddle much less second fiddle. But can I turn and walk away, no because You my Darling are my addiction.
Do I try to be the sister that Your number one claimed me as?
Oh yes with every single waking step. For what to be totally ignored when she walks into a room? Yet You go on promiseing that one day W/we will be a R/T F/family and she is just being cautious or her behavior is weird.
So I will once again cry myself to sleep. Only to wake to the morning light and run to log on once agin painting on the smile that shines so bright. I will smiles so brite and bite back all the snide remarks, for after all I am Daddy's life and would not dream of acting any other way. I will not pout nor fuss when slighted by Your true one I will just smile brite and say to my self she is just being cautious. I will not read anything into the scenes I read. I will just know that once again I have failed You because I was not there to fill that need for You. Never a tear nor a pout as I watch my life falling apart, wondedering who I will be today; babygirl, omega love ,life, or simply some other pet name tha draws me closer to You as You are my addiction.


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