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white week - part 2 Maybe I should call this “2nd attempt” instead of “part 2” since that is technically what is going on. I am having another go at abstaining from sexual activity for 7 / seven days or more, mainly just to see if I can do it. It’s not even the act itself I’m trying to avoid so much as the seeking behavior. My goal is to stop looking at the gay hookup site I belong to so obsessively, and replace that time and energy with something more valuable. It’s not that I spend an unhealthy amount of time online, looking for someone to take care of my sexual needs, but it has admittedly become a habit I find myself taking part in more often than I’d like. So I’m going to stay off the site, and keep my dick in my pants. Going without sexual satisfaction for a week not only denies me the act itself, it also significantly lowers the amount of dopamine I get. When I am obsessively checking the hookup site I invariably experience upward spikes, even if they aren’t significant. The simple fact of receiving a message gives me a little bump of satisfaction in an otherwise dull and miserable existence, but that joy is short-lived and hollow, just like the “love” I receive on other social media platforms. When you are lonely, and your life seems pretty awful, any amount of positive feedback is welcome though, no matter how shallow or brief it might be. But I know I cannot rely on anyone to help me feel good about myself, or the day I am struggling through, so I do my best to get my warm fuzzies from within. If abstaining from sex for a week leads to me feeling good about myself because I exhibit self control, then I’ve done myself a double positive. Just as before, I will not hesitate to break this sexual fast if I get an exceptional offer, or somebody wants to book a massage, but for the most part I am marking myself “unavailable” and doing my best to concentrate on other things in my life  |
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