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resistance IS futile It turns out the urge to be sarcastic, condescending and even downright rude are ones that I cannot consistently resist. For reasons I vaguely understand, I do not feel like my genuine self when I refrain from being an asshole for too long. My life feels half empty, as sick as that sounds. I’ve been through phases like this before, and managed to snap myself out of them, but that’s not happening very swiftly this time. At the moment, I have bile aplenty to spew on anyone and everyone around me. Want some? My hiatus from Reddit was not difficult, but going back and trying to only put out positive energy was boring, and nearly impossible. So many people say so many stupid things, and my feelings of pure derision ache to be expressed. I know this comes from a simple desire to feel superior - better than others - but knowing doesn’t change or lessen the desire. Nor does it lessen the boredom, or the empty feeling I get when I don’t respond to something stupid with something equally scathing or insulting. I don’t like being that person, but when life has had me down really low, and the only power I’ve had is my ability to bring others down with me, I have exercised it with glee. It’s been a part of me from a very early age, so it is an old habit, difficult to extinguish. That leaves Facebook which, I have to admit at this point, I don’t think serves my purposes very well. That is; I don’t think there is ever going to be a single video sale that originates from anything I say, do or post on Facebook. I am there to share just about everything I do in my professional life, a few things I do in my personal life, and on the off chance that one day the need for a social media presence will actually turn out to be a truism, and I will not have spent my time there in vain. Sure, I experience a limited level of gratification when there are genuine moments of interaction going on between my “friends” and I, but for the most part it’s just another part of my job. So why can’t I stop being an asshole about it? Why do I feel it necessary to comment on hypocrisy, or something I perceive as being stupid? I do have a bit of an explanation: one belief system I hold is that every person who doesn’t call out a hypocrite, or an idiot, is enabling them. If a person says something hateful, ignorant or dumb, my belief system tells me to call them out on it immediately, because if I don’t then what would possibly compel them to stop, perhaps give a different viewpoint a chance, and maybe even change? It’s like the neighbors who play their music so loud it disturbs the occupants of the 8 homes surrounding them. If zero neighbors complain or try to take action, there will be no change and the people in the 8 homes will remain unhappy. If, however, 8 households approached the loud neighbors - you get the point. I take that attitude with me when I am on social media, like it or not, and when I see something I perceive as “wrong” or bad, immoral, rude, stupid, ignorant I speak up. The problem is my delivery. If I hope to change a mind I’m definitely going about it the wrong way. Insulting people is not a good way to start the conversation. Sarcasm, no matter how witty, will not win you an unbiased or sympathetic ear. Usually it gets people to shut down immediately. My original plan had been to go back to social media with blinders on, but really, what fun is that? Logging on just to post and then move along is no fun, and when you don’t interact with other people you’re just sort of posting to the ether. Yes, the few “friends” you have might see your feed but new people won’t stumble upon it very easily unless you’re out there leaving comments on other posts, interacting, being “visible”. My problem is that I am visible long enough to say something that could potentially get me a few new friends, but scare away many more. Do I want to worry about being myself in front of those people who would scare away so easily, or do I just want to be me now and always, and let the fact that most people don’t like me not become an issue? I’ll take 10 loyal fans over 100 that will bail the next time I say something non p.c. / woke / etc. The recent success story of mine about resisting the urge to be an asshole to a guy wearing a Trump mask is an example of how I want to handle situations, but rarely do. I’ll keep plugging away and hope that I continue to catch myself before letting the jerk that lives inside of me loose, but it is a mighty struggle. Of course the answer is one we all know, and it’s the one I am failing at right now: balance. Finding balance between the good guy and the asshole. I’m still working on that, so bear with me. |
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