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life waiting to happen There are a few things on hold in my life, waiting to be put into effect, begun, instituted, realized. Since becoming homeless, my luck hasn’t really gotten much better, but I’ve continued to plug away at the job search and may have finally landed something. I’m not going to jinx it and begin celebrating or making plans just yet, because I’ve done that a few times already and it is beyond frustrating to get all excited and then find yourself kicked in the face with a huge letdown. So I’m going to play it cool, let the weekend come to an end, and see if I really, actually still have a job to start on Monday. Once I do have steady income, my life is definitely going to change for the better. There is a large and growing list of things I need to take care of, as well as a smaller number of things / changes I’d like to make. For example; I need to get a gym membership so I can have a place to shower on a regular basis. I also need to put some money into repairs and upkeep for my van, then set aside as much as I can for an upcoming trip to Reno, Nevada to see my get married. I’d also like to get insurance for the van, which is required in Oregon, and could cause me to lose the vehicle if I am caught driving without it. And I really, really want to get a pet, though I haven’t decided on a or cat yet. Which will be less miserable co-existing with me in the van? I’ll be able to afford to fill my gas tank, but the larger purpose for that will be to get me to band practice, for example. I’ve been putting off practicing and jamming with a new friend because I simply couldn’t afford the gas to and from his studio, but that won’t be an issue anymore. In fact, I’ll be working 4 / four days, then have 3 / three days off, so there will be plenty of free time to enjoy making music. And if we decide to play live gigs, I have the 3 / three most important days off in which to do so. Until recently, I’d counted myself completely out of the dating game, as it were. I decided quite a while back that I had little or nothing to offer the opposite sex, and pretty much gave up on the possibility of finding love. Over these last couple of months my attitude has begun to change, and even though my life continued to fall apart, an undeniable urge to “be with” a woman in a romantic and intimate fashion set in. My desire for men, and the mostly empty sexual gratifications they provide, has waned and in place is a steady hunger and desire for the opposite sex. Regular income will give me the extra confidence I need, should I finally find myself in a situation where a relationship with a female could develop. Up until now I’d have humbly bowed out, admitting I had nothing to offer except myself. If this job is something I can stand to do for a while, the location and routine will also allow me to broaden my interests and expand on my daily life. I’m hoping to find a semi-permanent place to park the van so I can begin riding my bicycle, which will further cut down on costs, but also help lift my spirits. The point is; I’m not just getting a job to make money, I am planning on using that income to expand my life quite a bit further. As much as I hate being a cog in a machine and living a daily grind, it has become necessary, and until I find an alternative I am stuck. Might as well make the most of it! |
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