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Sad and all so happy.... On that one Dutch bdsm site this woman and i became friends, we had, except for our Mutual masochistic and submissive needs also a love for a very dark hard kind of humor. She is more mild in her opinions ,i am the one with the fire in me. Which she is able to redirect to more positive outcome….. We like each other to bits! She found her D, on that horrible players/swingers (bdsm?) site. They are finding their way into building a D/s It is soo sweet and good to hear them talk, about each other and what they value about each other the most..... It is all sooo sweet, so sincere, so honest… so 'we together'..... so natural... Offcourse we talked also about me not finding that man, yet…. It is much much "easier", when you "just" want someone for the kinky sex, no strings attached "sexplay", and, maybe, maybe build it into something more, over time.... If, he is willing…… If not?? Your problem.... Much easier! men will jump at the occasion, to f*ck you and be able to come back for more.. Without having all that emotional stuff to handle too... easy peasy! ( emotional as empty as you can inmaging) I just cant. I need, first that emotional bonding, that friendship, the relation, the getting to really, really know each other. It seems to be, most men are scared shitless about that. Nó connection! Nó emotional claim... as most men call that bond.... To me, that is a sign that they are not fullgrown adults. just boys, play acting as adult, but dont have what it takes. So, finding my match is not that easy, also because i want that Authority Transfer. I am not a submissive, just for the sexual part of the connection. I want to, need to feel his dominance in every part of the relation. I need him to be the decision maker, that way i feel most loved and taken care of. It is not because i cant make any decision, it is that it gives me a very special peace of mind, when he is making the decision. It is part of my surrender to him, to his will. Because we both agree to that, it is consensual So, i am very, very glad they found each other. it was lovely to see them together and the way they looked at each other, when they thought i did not see it... So good to see! So i am sad too. Why? Where? When i get to talk to some men on here, or else where, they dont have much to say, i like to be impressed with his personallity, how his mind works…. Most men, are so terrible shallow. It makes me sad, so very sad… I have a good life, i am content with myself, i have a nice house, i am doing allright. BUT, that one... missing link.... I feel fulfilled within myself, as a human being. i know i am allright, emotional, mental, I am in balance within myself. And then there is this big hole inside me, that does not get fulfilled, my masochistic, submissive nature... does not get fulfilled.... my urge for surrender, not only my body, but for sure first with my mind, soul and brain. That way i feel totally fulfilment in him. Sad... and a feeling of lost..... For so many years now...…. Sometimes i have lost all hope, that i ever will find that man, or he me... That are the moments of the profound dispair… When will i find that deep, deep connection, that totall surrender.... Since a lot of men on here, are actually vanilla, with a kinky porn mind, I am also on vanilla dating sites.... Same difference, Although they have more manners… are more polite, but still lack a lot of communications skills. Assumptions rule! So tired of the game players. sighs and of a sad story...…. 
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My girlfriend said, it is all about loving each other, without that bdsm is just mostly about abuse...or use.... Or, only about HIS sexual fantasies, because there is no connection, no emotional bond.... without the love you are never able to do, or have all those things 'done to you'...
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I concur with everything you say in fact I feel like I am looking in the mirror Rosa ! Keep hunting, never give up & stay strong !
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rosa It is sooooo hard but better than betraying our principles!! I hope you find some-one very soon though.... A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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lancylad, Thank you so much.... it is for so many years now..... giving up is, like becoming "vanilla"  is not an option.
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supersubbie, how about searching for more then 40 years?
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Dear jenny, me too, me too, Thank you for your ever so positive words! 
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Friends have, for so many years now, tell me, it only takes 1 man! Or, The moment you stop looking, he will be there, Or, any other.... wisdom. Well, i have stopped looking..... I am a submissive, maso woman. That is my core, who i am. it is NOT about sex, at all. it is all about the mind, Even without that Loving, Caring Dominant.....
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