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Again, a good writing about Dominance, written by Nerdydays, also with His permission, copy~past from Fetlife. Being a Dom and a Gentleman Attending events like KK typically give me plenty to think about for weeks afterward. In Travis’ Flogging 101 class, he made a amusing quip about ‘Twue Doms’, and I chuckled about it frequently for days. It also made me think about my role and my aspirations to be both a Dom and a gentleman, and to be a good partner to my amazing Sub, @photography_girl. For me, there is no cognitive dissonance in being both dominate and a gentleman. This prompted me to re-read one of my favorite pieces about being a gentleman by James Michael Sama, and to reflect how well this fits with my approach to the D/s dynamic with my submissive. I can comfortably swap ‘real man’ or ‘gentleman’ for ‘Dom’ in this piece. —————- The piece below is by James Michael Sama. https://jamesmsama.com/2013/11/06/ 10-ways-to-know-youre-dating-a-real-man/ 10 Ways to Know You Are Dating A Real Man. A true gentleman values more than just your looks. Is every compliment from him about a different body part? It doesn’t matter how creative he can be, if a guy’s sole focus is on how you look, or ‘talking dirty,’ see it as a red flag. A real man will value your personality, your kindness, your intelligence, and who you are as a person, in general. The things he makes you feel good about will be things that you control, not just results of getting lucky in the gene pool. A true gentleman will never be intimidated by your motivation. A man who has goals for himself, will want to be with a woman who has goals for her own life, too. He will never feel intimidated or threatened by a woman who goes after what she wants. He will want to be part of a power couple, rather than a dictatorship. Be mindful of anyone who tries to keep you from pursuing your dreams. A true gentleman will have more interests than just you. I don’t mean this in a negative way. You should, of course, be a priority in his life – but he needs to have a life as well. Interests, friends, hobbies, aspirations. If a man works his entire life around you, it’s another red flag – relationships should be a great part of your life, but not encompass your whole life. A true gentleman will give you answers. No matter how awkward or uncomfortable a situation is, a real man will approach it, and you, with respect. I have always felt that a mark of a man is how he handles conflict, criticism, and less-than-ideal situations. A man will not dance around answers or make excuses. If there is something you two need to talk about, he will talk about it. A true gentleman is direct. In addition to the last point – there will be no mind games or manipulation in your relationship. A man will be direct, to the point, and honest with you…but with kindness. A true gentleman will trust you. As long as you haven’t betrayed his trust, a man will NOT be paranoid, or snoop around invading your privacy to make sure you’re not doing anything bad. He will have confidence in your relationship. A boy will project his own insecurities onto you, and like termites in a house, will eat away at the foundation of what you’ve built. A true gentleman is cool, calm, and collected. It should be understood that part of what comes with the territory of having a girlfriend, is dealing with her getting hit on. If you’re at the bar together, or if she’s out with her friends, it goes without saying that your girlfriend will get hit on every once in a while. Instead of letting his primate instincts prevail and beating his chest like an angry gorilla to scare off competition, a confident man will calmly make his position known, and understand that you’re still going home with him at the end of the night. A true gentleman will show you respect. Nothing signifies an empty shell of a man more than someone who disrespects women, animals, or . A good man will treat you with the respect that you deserve, never force you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, and never mistreat you. Be honest enough with yourself to walk away from any situation that is dangerous to you, physically or emotionally. A true gentleman will put effort into your relationship. Boys are generally apathetic and just look for one thing from a woman. A man, will do what it takes to make you happy, both inside and outside of the bedroom. Your happiness, is his reward. A true gentleman will make you want to be the best version of yourself, without changing who you really are. A man will empower those around him. He will strive for greatness and therefore inspire others to strive for it as well. This not only includes friends and co-workers, but also significant others. As Mark Twain said – Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. James Michael Sama https://jamesmsama.com/2013/11/06/ 10-ways-to-know-youre-dating-a-real-man/ on Nov 2, 2019 *) I made some changes, put the text in paragraph, because otherwise it was not easy to read, at all. I dont like the use of the word "true", the one twu-ism of how a dominant should act, be and all that, or a submissive, for that matter... I prefer the word; GOOD, a good man, a good dominant, a good submissive etc... You do you, your milage may vary... There is nó one zise fits all, But there are some human traits... |
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Offcourse, this is also applicable on male-male, transgender- woman, Domina - male sub, female sub, etc, and all other variation of this relation thing...
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