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What is SM in a dynamic, D/s or M/s to me? Well, First, it is NOT about the sexual acts at all. If we match on all the other important items, the bodily acts will just follow out of that being compatible, or so i believe.... iit is NOT ABOUT SOME SEXUAL ACTIONS, GAME, Or how ever you want to call it... To get your rocks off. Role play, or "training" or "punishment" is out of the question. That are fetishes... That is not what it is about, at all, for me, It is about YOU. SM is to me, not so much about the fetishes, as it is about YOU. It is first and formost about THE CONNECTION. Building friendship, really getting to know, each other, by undertake vanilla activities. be that going to a museum, going to a dance, (latin) preferable.... Or a picknick... What ever it is, we both enjoy doing. Maybe later on, getting to know some important friends, too. Maybe family, if that is important for one or the other... Really invest time, and energy into each other. As two people.- not as A sub and A dom..... Have daily contact. building a D/s takes time, patience, and a sense of humor too.... I always found it very strange, that socalled dominant, wannebees, did not have one ounce interest in who i am... But just inmediately jumped in to the sexy, horny, what gets you on, part. I always felt violated, by their behaviour. Violated and totally misunderstood. Because, for me, it is important that that person, man does understand how a D/s works, for me, How masochism works for mé, How and what i want from that.... It is also important that that man, that potential master/partner, really knows were i am coming from. Because background does matter! My, Your, everyones stance in live is important, to be able to make that so important Connection. The emotional connection is the basis for a Good, safe, stable D/s or M/s..... And, i must know, learn what is important for him. His values, his moral code, His history... If those things, match, on the most important items, Thén, you can build a stable D/s. that goes far beyond just the sexual game playing, role play act... Ofcourse, if he does not have any sadistic needs & wants, the match could become difficult, if not impossible. Also, i believe that you negotiate, about what it most important, and minor important.... When he and i, like each other AND, thát is very important for me! I have to like you, the way you think, your sense of humor, etc Then there is some basis. On FET, they say, forget the labels, first find out, if you like each other, and like the same things, vanilla and sm... I must say, i have had too many guys, who really did not have a clue but kept repeating how dominant they were... SIghs... I want the D person, to at least have some basic SM knowledge. about respect, safety, stopwords, sub- dom drop, sub space, sub frenzy, etc...... Did some learning curve... about himself too. etc.... SOme one with a ton of "porn-sm" knowledge is not what i am interested in. If and when, the two develop a relation, there is enough time to develop the sexual part of the D/s.... For me, submission, is something you DO, during a scene Surrender is key, for me. SUrrender is always and everywere. Is also something vanillas wont ever notice... Because it is on a energy level, that is out of their reach.... I can only surrender, from within, out of my free will. NOt just because you like whips too, and that is all we share.... On FET, the women and men, in a D/s or a M/s, all say, the one constant thing, in our dynamic is we talk! We talk about all and everything, there are no little white lies. There is totall openness, about everything. THAT part of the whole D/s, dynamic is what i find most attractive. You can not hide, behind any kind of social codes.... You have to be vulnerable, both! There is a lot of power/ strenght in such deep level of vulnerability. Thát, to me, is about surrender. And, that is also very erotic for me... that inner power/ strength.... Sure, that vulnerability has to develop, during the courting time, getting to know each other, discover that what he says, he does, and the other way around, being trustworthy. And, if he can not follow through, he explains why, take his responsibility for it. And the rest will develop....in its own time.... Oh, and offcourse, i love it, when my man, D-M, takes what is already his... commitment. From both sides. First the person, then the D/s -M/s Or maybe a light mix of both, as long as the majority is about getting to know The Person, first... And the development of our SM/sexuality is something between him and me. Does this makes sense? I know, this is not for everyone, and that is alright too. They say, this is not for the faint of heart.... And i believe that. An other thing, i believe it is much easier, to "just" have the sexual d/s part, Both your responsibility is not that all consuming It is what i call, partial, and so is the commitment toward each other, most of the time. I call that partime dominance/submission. Or just "in the bedroom" dominance/ submission. By its nature, much more orientated only on the sexual acts. |
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Intens, commitment, totall openness, about all and everything. NO way out, commitment. 
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The communication is very critical to the depth of the relationship.
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4/14/2022 5:02 pm |
When I decide on someone I go by in for a penny in for a pound, but one person can't be the only one to commit, and some people aren't capable.
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"Not for the faint of heart" is so relevant rosa! And why it takes so long to find the right one...  ~ Physical strength is measured by what we carry. Inner strength is measured by what we can bear. ~
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drmgirl, we are on the same page, ! drmgirl! 😚
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always, agree on not being capable... Or, just want the kinky, sexy "fun", NSA. to me, that has nothing to do, with a power/ authority transfer. To me, that are only sex games. To Each, Their Own Your milage may vary!
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pac, I think to really, really want such a dynamic, both have to be very determined to commit and overcome the difficultys that will occur, on the way.... Allways and everywere. it is not some spare time "hobby", in the bedroom... kind of thing....
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I have enjoyed reading your post, Rosa. Many of my thoughts in there also. If there is anything I can agree with it is that D/s relationship is far beyond kinky fuckery. In truth, it may well be that it has nothing to do with it. It really is about connection, a lot of hard work to establish and then maintain the relationship, determination to make it work.. and it has to go both ways. Nothing new that I said, I know, just to confirm I am with you about this, Rosa... 🙂
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4/15/2022 6:29 am |
I often feel that if they fit in like part of the family, that is the right one.
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ExName, I could have expected such an answer from you! Because i know, you know, what i am talking about...  This are just some examples of how i see this and want this. I knów this will make me happy, that kind of deep commitment. That full focus on the dynamic... That kind of energy between him and me... And, when it flows, it flows deep.... Thank you.
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rider, "part of the family"? Hmm, i am glad you know what is needed.....
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always, That is why it is sooo very important to talk, really talk and talk and talk with each other, so you really KNOW the other person, in and out. And not just her sexual fantasies, fetishes, longings & hard limits,or something like that... There is more, much more needed to build such a connection.
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