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rosaenaluin 65F
9906 posts
8/13/2022 3:46 pm
i tried,


Believe me, i tried to converse with a role play dominant.
Just to have a conversation, not to see if we where compatible.
distance and preferences were clear about that..

But the thing is, he comes from a totall other approach.
He is all about the play act, and the sexuality of that act.
The "doing" this act, or that act, or the tools..

While i come from the relation building part, so there is always some discrepanty in approach, in the use of language, in all and everything...

It is like the two ways of approach are not in sink with each other.
It is about two different ways of talking... or having a certain understanding about SM or aD/s or a M/s.

There is sand in the communication machine, it does not come together at all.

This is something, i witnessed, time and again while talking to play- sex- bedroom dominants.

Never the two will meet.
There is no one wrong or better, that is not an issue at all.

They are just soo very diffferent from each other.

So, i decided to let the conversation die out...it wil bring the converation nowhere.

rosaenaluin 65F
10827 posts
8/13/2022 3:51 pm

This happens time and time, again, also on the Dutch sm sites.
Most of the time, those bedroom- sex- play dominant get really upset when i explain that he has nothing to offer me.

Call me fake and a domina and that are the more civilised talk i get thrown at me.
Time and time again, i am a bit tired of that talk,
Having to go through that dirt, time and time again...

Just an other sign they really have no clue about the deeper layers of a SM dynamic, beyond the kinky sexy play time...


drmgirl622 68F  
25880 posts
8/13/2022 4:06 pm

If the conversation isn't going anywhere why continue......


likesmatures 55M
4793 posts
8/13/2022 4:14 pm

My dear,

It is because your a woman and he is a man.

Sex is alot like bdsm...

Most women want the romance, the relationship and will use play as an enticement...

And guys start off wanting sex,wanting play and hoping this leads to 2,3,4 dates before it becomes something of a relationship.

I know I've walked into the same bear trap multiple times..

And unfortately the problem with the female approach...

Well the male is harshly judged..

He not only has to fullfill the bdsm role but the boyfriend role too.

And finding a good man,Master/ sub and boyfriend is a tall order to fill


rondiri 64M
11035 posts
8/13/2022 4:20 pm

Any "dominant" that only cares about the sexual aspects, isn't a dominant at all. they are only wannabes without a clue about what makes BDSM a lifestyle


rondiri 64M
11035 posts
8/13/2022 4:25 pm

    Quoting likesmatures:
    My dear,

    It is because your a woman and he is a man.

    Sex is alot like bdsm...

    Most women want the romance, the relationship and will use play as an enticement...

    And guys start off wanting sex,wanting play and hoping this leads to 2,3,4 dates before it becomes something of a relationship.

    I know I've walked into the same bear trap multiple times..

    And unfortately the problem with the female approach...

    Well the male is harshly judged..

    He not only has to fullfill the bdsm role but the boyfriend role too.

    And finding a good man,Master/ sub and boyfriend is a tall order to fill
It has nothing to do with he's a man, she's a woman. Female wannabe dominants do the same thing.
It comes down to a lack of knowledge about what BDSM IS. The wannabes think it's about sex. They saw 50 shades of bullshit and took it as gospel.
Rosa isn't looking for the romance because she's the woman, she's looking for the Dominant/submissive interaction that is the basis of BDSM relationships, which is what any submissive well versed in the lifestyle is looking for.


brandygirasol 54T
9365 posts
8/13/2022 5:34 pm

Rosa these DOMs you speak of are probably my type more than yours... I'm a player not looking for 24/7 relationships really... I'm kind of purposely superficial about dating in the BDSM scene...😏


likesmatures 55M
4793 posts
8/13/2022 6:23 pm

I disagree..

I think women and men approach this differently..

We all do the dance


bdsmDOMdaddy 61M
4023 posts
8/13/2022 6:45 pm

Hm...well it shouldn’t be a struggle once initial bond connection has been struck between both partys communication is key to any successful relationship & should flow freely & naturally
sounds like he wasn’t listening or in tune w his sub & her needs as he doesn’t fully grasp the concept of D/s bond connection relationship!
obviously there’s a big difference from a bdrm pt DOM vs ft lifestyle DOM
IDK how anyone can be just pt bdsm?!
IMHO...either you’re into it or not...you can’t just dabble your toes into it turn it on & off at will!


brandygirasol 54T
9365 posts
8/13/2022 7:57 pm

When Rosa comes back I bet she is surprised by what's been bubbling on her blog in her absence Ha😛


jenny14 75T  
90121 posts
8/13/2022 8:57 pm

rosa

Well done! Why waste time when a relationship is going nowhere!


A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw

Jenny


rosaenaluin 65F
10827 posts
8/14/2022 12:52 am

likematures,
FIRst,
this is a gross sweeping statement

As if there is ONE SIZE FITS ALL!
I wont go into that.
It is also a vanilla approach to relationship,
I am not general speaking interested in vanilla/ sweet, soft "romance",
Being a masochist.

Play vanilla men always want sex, being the egoistic, egocentric asses they are.

Doms, KNOW they need the relation, to be able to give themself to their submissive
Because, in a D/s or rather an M/s the MAN/D, MASTER-sadist needs the emotional bond too./ first.

It is not about casual kinky fuckery, role play, for me.


rosaenaluin 65F
10827 posts
8/14/2022 12:56 am

no_unicorn,
I hear you,
thank you for that great advise, although i already tell those guys that.
Sex is not the point, not SM, i am not interested in sex.

I am interested in power/ exchange, in a D/s, relation
Most run for the hill, after that, whahaha.
Emotional not available. EMotional no grown- ups.

This was just a conversation, going nowhere, because his only focus was the sexual actions.
Never the emotional connection.


rosaenaluin 65F
10827 posts
8/14/2022 12:56 am

drmgirl,
exactly.


rosaenaluin 65F
10827 posts
8/14/2022 12:58 am

ron,
He had some other different ehtics, on some items, too....
Something i have seen, with more play "doms", their ethics are, in my eyes, a bit twisted, to say it nicely.....


rosaenaluin 65F
10827 posts
8/14/2022 1:00 am

likematures,
I am not looking for "a boyfriend" -d-,thankyou.
Power exchange is my goal.
I dont want equality in a vanilla relation with some kinky roleplay sex in the bedroom.


rosaenaluin 65F
10827 posts
8/14/2022 1:02 am

brandy,
Yes i think so, too
Nothing wrong, there, if that is what you, or anybody else, wants.
It is not my goal.


rosaenaluin 65F
10827 posts
8/14/2022 1:05 am

bdsmDADDYdom,

I dont know anything about his sm play contacts.

This was just some conversation, going nowhere, because of his lack of knowledge about the many ways of BD-SM and their dynamics, relations forms...
To him it was sex with a twist, play time...


rosaenaluin 65F
10827 posts
8/14/2022 1:09 am

brandy,
Indeed! totall surprised about all the great, different views, on this.
Some still have diffeculties with reading and NOT project all their own things on my writings...

But, that is alright too.
I know the difference.


rosaenaluin 65F
10827 posts
8/14/2022 1:12 am

no_unicorn,

Thank you!
For your indepth reaction and explanation, to the other folks their view
It is indeed, about the parttime "hobby" sm activities..

Or the fulltime commitment, servitude, being available, surrender, to his rules, to make his life easier.

instead of submission, part time..



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