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There is pain, and there is pain. Many people have asked me, when i opened up, about being a masochiste. How my chilldhood has been?  That, an sich, is already a sign that they really dont understand One thing about being a physical masochist. And that is oke, it only shows their ignorance... Sometimes, when i feel like it, i return the question, by asking them, how did they become vanilla? They must have been terrible ignored, by their parents, to "become" vanilla?  Just to fuck with them, because most of the time, they dont recognise that what they are doing, is exactly what i show them... Funny? isnt it!? The thing is, when you are beaten as a , it is never CONSENUAL, it is abuse. It is breaking all the trust a should have in their parents, au natural. Being giving physical sensations, as some call it, on Fet, is something totally different. Because you both agreed to that. It also makes me horny like hell. Gives me the best orgams, ever!! I can assure you, the beaten i had during my childhood, did NOT made me horny, in any way or form at all. Because it was ABUSE, it came from a place of hate. Not from understanding my core beingness Not from a place of love, for what i want/need, as a Dominant/sadist would understand and give to me. I knew, it was some sick kind of game, to suppress me. An attempt to make me feel less, bad about myself, for no other reason, then just that. The person, others call mother, was a terrible mental sick fcuk. So, no, being abused as a has no connection with me being a masochiste today! I have these feeling a long, long time. I even did give myself some auto SM experiences, as a very young . Those childilke actions give me a very warm, cozy, happy feeling, like floating, on wings or clouds To this day, i can still remember how that made me feel.  Cant put the age down, or the alt police is at it again! Does not matter much, either, it was pré school age.... So, Nó, being a masochiste is not some sick way of process or relive, that abuse, time and time again. Thát would be very terrible sick, in my eyes! I did take therapy to get a grip on all the abuse, get some education on people with mental sickness. And forgive her, she had her own devils to fight. Alas, the were the victum of that batlle. So, onceand forall, Being a masochiste is not a way to cope with abusive childhood times! At least, not for me! Can you compare it with something else? an other kind of preference? Well, maybe? With guys who really, really LOVE to go down on a woman. They need that, want that, have to perform that action... Or with being bi sexual? Or? You name it.... I really dont know... So, when i bump into my table, that is not a masochtic pain, sensation. That is ouch!! big time. when i masturbate and use the belt on me? Thát is masochism. There is also the masochistic need or urge or want to be degraded, humiliated, That is more the mental kind of masochism. In a very, very, very light form, it might be something i could appreciate, once in a blue moon, maybe...... in the years, i did found out, that a lot of submissive men, love to be humiliated. That really makes them very, very hard. Not all submissie men, ofcourse.. But there is this tendency.... So? how did you become a vanilla? What happened to you? i worry!! Is there anything to be done, to fix it? Did you try therapy? LOL LMAO! 
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It is such a fun little game, to move this around, and make it all about being vanilla, is not oke, not healthy at all! not "normal" ! There is so much safety ( and ignorance) in being part of the normative crowd.
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I always wonder how much of sexual response is learned, certainly some of it. I thought when you described the need to, you were spot on. best - boh
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9/17/2022 5:32 pm |
To me, masochism is like Einstein's theory of relativity. I can cite the words and do the math but I really don't understand. There is no "aha" moment for me. I hope to one day experience tha mat eureka moment regar
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9/17/2022 5:33 pm |
Regarding masochism because I do appreciate how important it is for so many people in BDSM.
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no_nicorn, I knów, i knów, I have heard storys from 'dominants', who loved to use her abuse as a way to reinact that scene, time and time again. I found that man, very very dangerous and ignorant, about the longer effect of his abuse of her mental state... A dominant is NOT your therapist! He can, maybe, help the submissive cope with this trauma, but she should take therapy before engaging in a D/s.... Because nobody knows what can trigger those past traumas... And then shit hits the fan, real hard! They are both responsible. to be open about such events from her / his past..
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boh, Thank you, that is why i always call it my core being, it is natural, normal for me, to be what i am. I dont fit the vanilla way of living. submissive, slave like, and a masochist. That does not mean, i dont need tender loving care? It is all part of the whole... I am complete, in my own special way.
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instructor, Do you feel you need to. want too, explain this, to others? Do you feel you have to justify why? about masochism? To others? I like what i like. Some people dont like to eat fish, get sick to the stomach, by the idea, smell of it! I see masochism in that way.... 
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You are so right in that there are many different types of pain and not all will bring pleasure.
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there is nothing wrong w you Rosa or your desires & kinks whatever floats your boat be you & let your freak flag fly girl...if you lived closer I’d put my belt crop cane flogger hand paddle upon your supple flesh & give you the contented joy bliss ecstasy you need!
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Statistics show that 1 in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse or assault at the hands of an adult. 82% of all victims under 18 are female. So Rosa, you are not alone in this. I am always weary during the vetting process when a Dom asks me about any prior abuse for the same reasons and wonder if they are getting off with my answer by asking it. The correct way to vet this question is by asking 1) What are your BDSM hard limits? Every submissive that has had a past trauma and has a potential for triggers should be able to freely state what their hard limits are without the necessity of having to explain why; unless it is the submissive’s choice to do so; such as asking for help to overcoming said limit. But the ignorance works both ways, for every Dom there is an ignorant sub wanting to be used on this site stating they have “No Limits”. God help us educate them! 🤦🏽♀️
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rosa Thank you for both a very personal and educational post! I did NOT suffer abuse as a child but always had submissive inclinations and later masochistic ones! A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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jenny, Thank you, I think, there are more folks who did not suffer from abuse and are masochistic,anyway. To me it is like the colour of your eyes, you cant help it, when you are the only one, in the family with green eyes, while very one else has blue eyes...  After all, it is not such a big deal, for the one who is.
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drmgirl, Thank you. Indeed
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bdsmDOmdaddy You get it! Ooh, that would ever be soo very great! 
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blossom I could not agree more with you. On all points and especially the "no limits" peeps When i read such a thing, i always comment with; allright, put your dick/ pussy/ breast in a hot exhaust pipe, or under my hamer, now! Disaster waiting to happen. Once a socalled d told me, just because i was a submissive i could not have limits! That was a very short conversation, i can tell you that!
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rosaenaluin Yes, you are right, submissive ... I do not like to hear that, there is respect and mutual communication, really there are nice people and also bad people, but we should not take a chance when the other person is weak, the important thing is always there is hope and I hope that we respect each other Some, and everyone has their own way of loving and living
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