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The use of asking questions to a "maybe"-would be - dominant? I talked to a lot of socalled dominants, over the years... I always had a ton load of questions. Most of the time not even kink- or D/s- or SM related, but just day to day living, family/ friends, job, cooking, sportclubs, you name it. Just to get more info about who that guy really was, or pretended to be...?? Some questions i asked, was just to know, hów he reacted on it. Not even what he said, but how?? I found that out, during all those meeting with those guys. It was not as much the question, but how he reacted on it. Thát, said soo much, sometimes. All was very clear in one second. done! You can learn a lot by how they react. Most of the time that was the end of that contact. I knew enough, red flags! Run like the devil was after you! Entitlement was not strange to most of those men. |
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It was not to play mental games, with them, f8ck them over, it just happened, while we talked.... The way they reacted, was ever soo clear. No good! Dangerous, no selfcontrole, angermanagement problems, not emotional stable at all, attacking me.....verbally.... NEXT. The importance of asking questions is very big for the safe keeping of the submissve. If "he" does not want to answer any question? Or, Does not have one question for you, as a person, with a life and a job and family/ friends, hobbys...? Move on! You block and delete, and move on.
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rosaenaluin - I don't care which side of the table you are on, how long you have known/txt/emailed/talked on the phone....you can never have and ask enough questions. There is just something about sitting across the table from them and being able to see their reactions and the way they handle the questions. There have been times when I was done after the second or third question and I'm sure other times when I was done after my second or third answer! Thanks for sharing.  
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melt, Aah, that sounds very familiar. Yes, looking at how they behave, treated the staff of the restauant, how they react on other people around you.. Yes, that all tells something about that person, and you, too.  That is why i amost always went for a coffee, or, if it ever came to a second date; a lunch date, having to have dinner with someone i did not really wanted around? Was not my idea of having a good time.. You live and you learn, is what they say, dont they? 
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Rosa it can be a tedious arduous search but stick to your guns & your gut the reward is great & sweet!
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When I talk to subs, I encourage them to ask questions. But they rarely do. I know I should ask them more questions about hobbies and vanilla interests. But when I do that, they seem to think I am looking for a vanilla girlfriend. Which I am not. So I ask them basic questions to determine whether I think we are a decent match when it comes to BDSM. And then I figure I can get to know them better when we meet. But I want them to ask me questions in order for them to be willing to meet me. If they ask questions, they can ask about the things that are important to them. And they can ask in a way where I wouldn't know what they consider the "right" answer to be. That way they would know that I can't adapt my answer to what I know they want. And they would know that I am honest. I haven't been asked questions about hobbies, cooking or sportsclubs yet. But I can't see any reason why I would not be willing to answer such questions. I mean, if you're only meeting someone for a quick fuck, you don't need to know that much about them. But if you are meeting them in order to start a possibly lifetime commitment, then such minor things can help you get to know the person better. And why wouldn't you want that?
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rosaenaluin, I couldn't agree more about getting to know a possible partner (or playmate), to my thinking a D/s relationship is Yin/Yang or even a symbiotic relationship (like a honey bee and a flower) and thus you MUST know your match. despite what many submissive women think they actually hold more power than they think by not proceed to meet a potential if there are alarm bells ringing. One thing that annoys me immensely is the silly girls (as they are definitely not mature women) that do not follow through with the Q&A process to learn him and jump on the first allegedly dominant that comes along. In New Zealand we saw how it could go horribly wrong with a British Backpacker named Grace Millane met up with a psychopath (with previous r@pe, sexua1 violation, threatening to k*ll history - unfortunately not charged until after Grace) on a dating site and ended up dead. But it can cut both ways and a female to claim r@pe even if the date never got that far and thus the idea of meeting in public several times (coffee in a shopping mall etc) and paying with a credit card or similar to provide a history of meeting. although not foolproof it is better than meeting in a private home.
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Dominants are "dominant" in life... secure in who they are... the rest are pretending. Dominants care about those who would enter their sphere... and we take care of them. Questions are easy... it is how subs begin to feel safe. ALL SUBS SHOULD GET GOOD AND QUESTIONING "DOMINANTS" -- as Rosa correctly points out... you will find out what you are dealing with very quickly.
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Well, I get a lot of so called Dominants who skip around questions like, What are you looking for, or What interests do you have. Now I believe in reading profiles to get a jist of what they want, so I only ask those questions if they have bothered to include that on their profiles, 9 out of 10 they haven't. They expect me to agree to be their slave with absolutely no information about what they're interested in. Such attitudes tells me, they've probably watched way too much Porn and they think this concept of a no limits slut they can do whatever they want to, exists. Ok there are a lot of people out there who can take a lot of punishment, doesn't mean that applies to everyone. If they skip the questions I just hit them with the wannabee banner, as most seem to be interested in getting their kicks, from pissing someone about. They'll be like, online status, but not talking.... and they'll keep you waiting for weeks at a time and expect you to be interested in them when they decide they want to talk more. They're role in this conversation in my opinion, is for the to entice me to want to spend my time with them, and most cannot be bothered to keep up the basic maintenance, of 'keeping me interested' Problem is, most of these Dominant wannabees are pussies, they claim to be Dominant, Assertive types on their profiles, but why does the submissive have to do all the chasing. In my opinion the submissive should be asserted upon, not the submissive assert themselves upon the Dominant, and then the submissive gets hit with the, "Your too pushy" excuse..... I wouldn't be, if you asserted yourself, put in some effort etc etc
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1/7/2023 5:38 pm |
rosaenaluin: I found that the world is full of want to be's, men want to be Masters, dominant, rulers, conquerors I can go on and on. If I were to put this in blunt terms, they want the whole cake and I don't expect to pay for it. They have no time for small chat and have a superior type Smirk, that a woman would really like to knock off their face. If you ask these men, so how is your wife (LO their face turns bright red and you can see a little bead of sweat. Wouldn't it be nice to find a man that is straight up front. A man who shows confidence without the arrogance a man who is open to listening and a man who looks after his belongings. Enough from me I think you know where I'm coming from.Debbie
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So many wannabies of all kind, direspectful, selfish, self centered personas, with one aim only... to feed their egos, get the attention and validation and if it happens a blowjob or some playtime.. even better... empty shells...
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So many wannabies of all kind, direspectful, selfish, self centered personas, with one aim only... to feed their egos, get the attention and validation and if it happens a blowjob or some playtime.. even better... empty shells... lol
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rosaenaluin - I don't care which side of the table you are on, how long you have known/txt/emailed/talked on the phone....you can never have and ask enough questions. There is just something about sitting across the table from them and being able to see their reactions and the way they handle the questions. There have been times when I was done after the second or third question and I'm sure other times when I was done after my second or third answer! Thanks for sharing.
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tTalve, The "porn desease" is also within the submissives, i can tell you. So, they dont or wont ask questions, because they have probably no idea. Sure, if you just want to do pick-up play, you may not be all that interested in the whole person, just in her/his bdsm skills..... I found that very unsatisfactory, It had totall no meaning for me, that was when i started my journee on this road. I also did not understand the why of it... Why would you want to do soo many very intens actions,physical and emotional, with someone, while you totally dont care about that person, at all. Emotional crippled, is how i experienced that. Totally not trustworthy, in my eyes. Only when they "remember" they are the dominant/ horny, they get again, "interested" in you, the submissive. I cant get my head around that.
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whybened, Yes, i heard about that woman too, horrible! That is what "thinkin with your pink parts" can happen to you, women and men submissives alike! Yes! that is why, also for the D type, it is very important, to really get to know the other person. A sociophate can mimicri just so long, if you meet them on a regular basis, they will fail to hold up, that role. You will get all kind of warning signs. mixed reactions, etc..... When in doubt..... ? RUN.
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Naturally_a_ Dom, Thank you, very much. Thát is, exactly how i, deep down, inside, knów how this contact should be, will be. How that will make me feel, how that will touch me, deep inside. Not all that verbal violence, the totall lack of respect, lack of real, genuine human interest, i experience now, time and time again... Thak you,
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knottalsut, Oh, you maybe, can inmaging, what kind of questions i asked, and then the total panick on their faces? Whát is she talking about!? Why is she not talking about all the things i saw on the latest porn movie? I have seen sooo many men deflate, when i started asking questions, knowing they lack any quality as a human being, first... And then turn it all around and show their true colors by attacking mé... Time and time again..... Debbie, Ooh, i do know where you are coming from, me, here, the same!
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ExNameForUse, Right! every word of it! So true!!
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DamselsPlight, Indeed, a very high number of narcistic personality syndrome! Love to hide on sites like this, or any other dating site..... Thank the Lords, i am not into that 'anti-social behaviour' media Try to stay away from it, as possible.
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bdsmd, Thank you,
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BDSMbedroomslave, You know? They are supposted to be adult people? Or am i wrong? They want to jump right into the fantasy role play, from the first sentence they send you. And they want the submissive to "do" all the works.  Lazy, totally clueless vanilla men.... without a backbone, or brains.  amp;
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Naturally_a_Dom, Online, they can pretent, online, they can search for 'answers'.... Online they can put that roleplay act in working..... can mimicry..... In a face to face, they fail time and time again.... deflate.... They just dont have the character traits, wich a dominant has.
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They are really wanting a relationship......maybe they need to read the definition of relationship.
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Only through person to person contact, will one get a feel for what type of person one is talking to, period. If interested, I try to meet sooner than later. Mostly I give vague answers to pertinent questions before meeting, sort of a glimmer, as opposed to a full view. Always keep in mind there are those, who just want your information...
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likeithot, I, most of the time, have first, just one question... What does dominance means to you? (open question!) And, or, how did you handle the realisation of being dominant? In this society? Uuuuhhhh..... 🤔😳, 🤣😂 in shock, cant think of one answer. Or, tell me about how they are planning of "doing" a sm scene.... Yeah... right.....
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drmgirl, Sure, the most mean a vanilla relation with kinky play/ sex in the bedroom/ club, etc.... THAT is not what a 24/7 total authority power dynamic is about. They dont know what the difference is. Thinking it is all about 24/7 roleplay, or micro management..... 
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