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One thing my therapiste told me, once, many years ago... I did the eye movement EMDR, Desentisization, therapy. It works real good, is my experience. The time to talk your trauma to death, is not really working, anyway.... This woman, we talked about my background, The way i was 'programmed' if you want to cal it that.... Is what is known, 'safe' in its own sick way. So, finding a partner is to say the least, tricky... Because of my background. Ofcourse, I am NOT my background, but it was a big part of my 'socialisation'......inprint.. If you want to use that word....? It is what i know, it is what i recognise, It does not have to mean, it is safe of wise to go that way? BUT, it is something that resonance within mé. The other day, i was at a shop, the staff of that shop, all have some mental something... crazyness.... live in a protected house, with 24/7 staff around... There works this person, she is a borderline diagnosed That is very dangerous ground for me..... And, still i recognised... thát, what was..... I do believe that people, who had some sort of (extreem?) toxic experiences with their "parents". have this little hook, so to say... mentally..... In wich, they get hooked to people, who are basiscally dangerous for them, mentally.. Because, maybe not even knowingly.... get caught in the webs of such a person... Because they recognice thát. That is known! They, think, they know, what to expect... It is a pitall.... People with toxic experience in their childhood, should avoid those triggers, people, like the plague.. So, very counter productive, maybe in their experiences, they should go, for the socalled 'dull' people, the emotional stable, the not lying and<b> cheating </font></b>kind..."exciting" kind... The ones that not shout out, adventures!!,danger, but oooh sooo attractive, in a wrong, sick, fucked up way, you wont get what you want, éver, with mé, kind of folks.... Oh, i will give you some snippits, but i will break you down, for wanting those snippits.... The kind, that as soon as the have an idea, about your wants and needs, and especially your hurt pattern, Will go for the slow, very, slow emotional kill. Leaving you half death, emotionally... Hurt again! The endless repetition from your childhood abuse pattern.... I think, a partner who knows this, who is indeed, an emotional stable, full grown up adult, has to understand this mechanism, in folks who are hurt within their core, their basis, as a human. Marked for life. EMDR can desentize it, the rest is up to the person, to handle, to be aware of, this life long pitfall.... And, i do recornize it! this pattern.... So, for now, i stay away from guys, men, in general...... Keep my distance..... Because of the fact that i knów my own pitfall. Dont want to go there, ever again! As a sign i do take my own words serious, i did cut that contact with this boderline person. Emotional Roller coaster is not my idea, of being happy and content... That is a too high a price..... I a worth much, much more.... |
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If, and When.....
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Don’t do that to yourself. Cut yourself off,I mean. Now that you’re aware of what has happened to you and of your vulnerabilities.. you have all the more reason to have that “if you fail..try, try again attitude.” Besides, sometimes not taking a risk is taking more of a risk..at least, that’s what they say I understand what you’re saying though. The thing is: we sometimes may choose the emotionally distant and toxic people not only because it reminds us of our childhood but also because we think maybe this time.. we’ll make it right It’s been a long time since I responded .. always nice to read your wondrous thoughts Happy Spring!
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crazy & stupid do only as crazy & stupid do you can’t argue reason understand crazy & stupid!
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Those toxic people are so bad for the soul!
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EMDR did help me when I got out of an emotionally and physically abusive marriage to a racist, but it didn't help me to deal with the death of my physically abusive and emotionally immature father. We each have a timeline for healing, and they are different paths. I agree with Persephone about not cutting yourself off, but you have your own timeline. Sending positive vibes your way.
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Persephone, Thank you for your reaction. I dont think; this time i will make it right... I know, i cant cure someone else from what ever his childhood drama, trauma is... It all starts with awareness. It seems like i know my triggers.... and have to be very aware of them, in meeting with men.... other people too.....  That is all up to that person, like i needed to get things sort out, on my own... in due time..... I dont see it as cutting myself off, it feels like re organising the cavalry... to make the outcome a bit more diserable.... I see what you mean, though... i will keep that in mind, thank you. 
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TheSubWithBrains, I like your profile name, very much! Yes, i am aware of that timeline, healingline... To me, this EMDR was a long time ago, i just remembered her saying this to me... about age old patterns... wich can be hard to rewrite....if you know, what i mean. When so much abuse is, becomes a sort of second kind of normal.... to survive, as a kid.... you have to adjust, other wise you wont survive.... as a child, totally dependent on those "adults/parents".... Although, i had this aunt who saved us all, by showing how a 'normal family life' should/ could look like, she gave us a basis.... gave us a place to breath... of trust and love and stability..... accountablilty.... There is this pattern, wich makes it difficult to not fall for the same patterns again, in other people..... Because, even maybe subconscious, "You" recognise that, maybe even on a musculair level.... It is very deep ingrained.... That is what i am trying to explain, tell..... 
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drmgirl, And, when they are supposed to be your parents....it is even worst! Who to trust, if you cant even trust your parents?? make your own safety is the only thing left...... and try to protect my sisters and brother, too...
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bdsmDd, That is sure true! thank you for that!
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