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"Friends" in the scene? When i first started this journey..... I really thought, it was great to become friends, with all kind of SM folks... I really did. Very fast, i realised, that is not working at all. You can be 'friends', just because you both like to be whipped... But that is a bit of a very shallow base for friendship. Ofcourse, i did experienced this, in my life already. But for some reason, i thought this community in Holland was very open and acceptable of others.. and their preferences. Oh! Boy! how wrong i was!! My experiences were a bit shocking. Yeah, i know, i can be a bit naief sometimes... One big happy family! Right! not! First i had some friends, who did have a totall different view on submission, dominance, relations based on that principle. objectification. That made the scale on wich our SM conversation was base rather small. i also found out, that most folks in, at least The Dutch scene, only want to talk sex fantasy. Nothing real life must come in between!! To me, again, that was very shallow.... empty too. There is more to life, then talk about the play you experienced and how much of the same you need/want.... Also, their ideas about dominance, or submision, was very limited, in my eyes, to just the sexual act. Fetish dispenser comes to mind.... Topping from the bottom, too "I only want to submit the way i want it, when i want it.." And he has to perform his act, accordingly..... HUH? It is all made of small little compartements. Does not have one connection, with their daily life.... I cant do that. That kind of 'conversation' bore me to death, to have to participate in that way.... So, now, i have this one contact, and an other one, but that totally has no substance at all That one, will bleed to death, and i am fine, with that.. |
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Just some thoughts, about my 'experiences' in the scene.....
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isn't it odd, how in various places in our lives, we run across acquaintances in a certain place who we can see regularly, but if we didn't go there, we'd never see them again. The write Kurt Vonnegut probably had a name for those emotionless connections, but I don't recall it now.
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I made some friends out here in the old days. And one at least lasted a long time as we had things in common beyond D/s. We never played together but we had fun and joked and became concerned about each other as good friends do. So I say it is possible, but like anywhere else, it is hard to develop close relations. Work, school, other hobbies are where we meet most people with something in common and look how many deep relationships come out of that. Not many really in my experience. So all I can say is keep trying all areas to find those that worth it. Good luck most of us can use more and better relations. I know I do.
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I have a few friends that I know personally from the lifestyle. Those friends are kinda split on their relationship goals.
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That is unfortunate rosa. I have a number of people within this thing we do, and we are friends. Some are D's, some are not, but we have other interests and connections beyond lifestyle things. It is nice though, that we can also discuss the alternative adult matters.  It makes for interesting and lively conversations at times. Ars longa, vita brevis - Art is long, life is short  
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bdsm has lots of different levels fetish & kink category’s w their own agenda in mind foremost...that’s why you need somebody who’s demons mesh well w yours & why it’s a long process of trial & error until you find the right one!
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I had a couple of people I talked to for months, started off really interested and it was cool then they just sort of stopped talking. Being a direct person, I asked "is something wrong", "are you no longer intersted", and they always say "everythng is fine". Not to me it isn't, I hate being in limbo with people. Maybe they think if they quit talking I would just go away, maybe "friends" mean nothing to them. I take it seriously.
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1 post 6/26/2023 5:06 pm |
It is nice that you shared this. It is too bad, really. I signed up for similar reasons. I think it takes effort to cultivate friendships. I see it as one has to pull out the weeds and shovel some shit to have a beautiful garden. Hang in there. Maybe not here, but in any case, keep your eyes and heart open.
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well said! totally agree. especially the part about "fetish dispenser" fetish dispenser is just not how it works at all for me
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Rosa Dear my experiance is that people are pretty much the same worldwide perhaps except for the "un-contacted" people in the Amazon rainforest... Ha😏
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6/27/2023 4:56 am |
I made a few friends in the local scene when I was active in it a few years ago. They were concerned with things outside of the BDSM scene as well as within - sometimes a whole evenings conversation could go by without sex even being mentioned. But the majority - was all what I did last weekend, what I'm doing next weekend.
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We don't have many in 'the scene' really. Some aquaintences, but most close friends , with a couple of exceptions are just , i hate to say normal or ordinary, so i'll say just folks we met and enjoy their company.
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boh, Yes, i understand what you are saying, and what surprises me the most, those folks dont seem to mind.. at alll I for sure, have other needs in such contacts then they have..
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LordRebel, But, you see, it is a two way street, also for friendship. If i never undertake any actions, to see my friends, they wont either, strangely enough.... Yes, you need much more in common, to become friends, then just your sexual preferences in SM or in D/s I had one great friend, i thought, then she moved and i did not hear one thing for her, again.... 
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drmgirl, I had some friends.. in the scene, But it seems they dont have much interest in keeping the friendship alife.... It is all soo shallow....
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InderioMinx, Yes, i know ,you need more then just the kinky fuckery talk, to become friends. It can become very lively, such conversation, the fun level is mostly very high, teasing each other too.. all lightly fun... and also serious conversations about family members or work related issues... I very much mis that connection,
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bdsmDD, Aah, that is nice way of saying it, DD, "demons who mesh well with mine"! i like that one! 
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Sophie, Yes, i am also serious about having, building frienships. I have some "friends" on fet, we never ever talk... anymore, How you mean, you are a friend of mine??
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Arts, We think alike, in that matter. WIthout knowing him, as a person, liking him, as a person, care for him, as a person, there will be nothing. I cant do that part, only... and be happy and fulfilled.... It is all so superficial..... i cant handle that.
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Brandy, Whahaha, then we all have to go to the Amazon Rianforrest.!!!
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flasherwatcher, Yeah, that is what i miss tremendously in my part of the Dutch scene. There is not overall agreement about the world outside of the games Nothing else in common, except all the kinky fuckery talk..
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Marshamay, I do not even have many of those contacts, anymore, here, most people find me, way too intens. ( i think) They dont seem to care much about the world, outside their first circle; can i keep my car on the road, can i buy clothes they dont need, because their cupboards all already loaded??? Can i go on holidays? The outside world, world politics, economics?ecogical, health... you name it... Cant be bothered, while those things have a effect on your life, sooner then later.... All so shallow.....
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