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To me, It is about surrender. BUT, you, I cant surrender, if you, I dont know that other person totally. In all his aspects of his character. And in his wants and needs,too. I can only surrender, if i really and totally know him, as a person. It is not about having a wish list. It is about commitment Somewhere on fet, i read, friendship before being his slave. Also, he can only own you, me, when he totally knows all there is to know about me, my character, my past, my life experiences.. all and everything... Otherwise he just a-b- use the body... Nothing there, no connection, not knowing anything, except maybe the sexual desires... But they are not static. But, nothing about any triggers, or anything else.... about what makes that person, who she is. What her life values are.. moral code, So without knowing him, as a person first, i cant surrender.. There is nothing to surrender to. It all comes down to just an other sexual game.. play.... To me, that has nothing to do with building trust, friendship, surrender. Not being submissive, as long as the game takes. Or only on my terms. No! surrender goes much further then being or acting(?) submissive.... |
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Just some random thoughts about wanting to build a Power dynamic. surrender..
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8/16/2023 1:39 pm |
All true.
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It is a relationship. And relationships take time to build, develop, strengthen. Even then, even when we think we know all we know about this person, that we have all the information we need about his mind, spirit, ethics, and are ready to commit, there is still a hop (and hope) of faith. Why? Because nothing is certain. Because actually being in a D/s dynamic is different than approaching it - just as marriage is different than courtship. So, take your time, make a decision, and then keep on learning about your partner and encourage him to do the same. I think this ongoing human-human connection will strengthen and intensify the D/s.
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it's an interesting dynamic - for some it's only sex, though I feel the depth of the relationship can veer into being one-sided which is a risk for both parties. Maybe the friendship buffer makes it safer.
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The friendship first concept is so very critical!
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All subs, at least, notionally, have the option--the right-- to decide to which virtual strangers they want to surrender...and why...and when...and for how long. Getting to better know one's dom partner up front---in a kind of exploratory prelude, call it, to a D/s relationship or, for that matter, to better familiarize oneself with one's romantic interest in an overture to a potential vanilla relationship-- is always a good idea, at least to a certain extent, since we must always be careful not to allowi, too often, our ideal of THE PERFECT to blind us to THE GOOD. On some level, a decision to surrender will always be a crapshoot, since it is very arguable that anyone can ever REALLY get to know someone else so completely or exhaustively.or comprehensively. All people are, to a certin degree or at certin times, mutable and mercurial and prisoners of their moods and the often unmerciful vicissitudes and circumstances of life. We all, to a greater or lesser degree, have a more personal & private shadow self, though that does not mean , ipso facto, that it is necessarily inimcal , malevolent, or unscrupulous. This is not to say that it is ever EASY to roll the dice and surrender or submit to another person, but only that we would do well to use a metric in our assessment of another being that is not overly rigorous, exacting, and captious...too prematurely renunciative, dismissive, or preclusive of a possibly enjoyable and rewarding experience and of a, perhaps, surprisingly budding and gratifying acquaintanceship.
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BounD2, Well, if you learn, experience some ones ethical moral code, by wich he/ she lives, you get to knów that person, pretty good. When you open up, and that is THE ONLY WAY, for a Master~slave dynamic-relation to be build, you will get to know all his or her dark parts, past. Just the pysical "surrender" is only for some hours, to get your sexual gratification, nothing more, nothing less. I call that submission, always partly, always only focussed on the pysical aspect ,most. If that is what it is, you need or want, fine! Go for it. That is not what i am talking about. Oh, and PERFECT? That is the barbie and ken version of life Non existent in daily living.
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drmgirl, Oh, yeah!!
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boh, Thank you for your reaction.  There is soo much to learn.. to get to know more... of you!
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NoNonsense, Yes, that is what people in a Power Dynamic also say. it is a leap of faith.. too, absolutely... It is not equal to a vanilla mainstream relation. It has totall other power sturctures... He leads, she follows.. they both discussed in what way, how. About every part of their dynamic. Where she does not want to give power over, to him, for example. What he needs of her... I agree with you.
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In all power exchange relationships there is an ebb an flow, a give an take. Understanding each others strength and weaknesses is not as important as understanding the power the relationship gives you both. A relationship is not about a fallible leader and a timid follower. It is each half of the circle making the other half stronger . . The strength of a relationship exceeds the strength or power of either the leader or the follower. Your safety an assurance isn't in knowing the person but in the bond between you, the unspoken chemistry makes each need the other, trust each other and believe in the relationship as an entity.
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uncommon1, And i believe it is the most intens, deep relation, there is to have, work on, every day. You write beautiful about this power dynamic/ relation. It is a symbiose. When *you* finally find this one person, who digs me/ you, totally. that is really the greatest find. Who truely understands, what Being submissive means, to me, Thát is pure luck, bliss And then the hard works only just starts.
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very much relate to these two sentences: It is not about having a wish list. It is about commitment bravo!
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Measure the substance, the tangible.
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Artschool, Thanks, That is lacking with all the geezers i have met, online and off...
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ryder, Agree. Most wont understand what that even means.....
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rosa As always, the mind is so important! A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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jenny, Yes, there is were it all starts! for me, at least.... 
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