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It wont take months, my sister said.... Her husband is home. In the hospital they finally decided, they cant get any money out of treatment any more, so, they send him home, he also said, i want to die in my own house. The thing is, they live in a very, very small elderly house. There is no extra spare bedroom. they have a small attic, but the care person is staying there, sleeping there too, 24/7. There is no extra room, so my sister cant recharge herself, She is constantly, 24/7 in the midst of his ailments, he coughing, his.... every part of him being sick and dying... She cant take a pauze, or break, it are not nice weathers, so she also cant go outside for a walk or something. Her whole house and household has been taken over by the care for her husband.. And i do understand that she wants to do this last bit for him, i do.... I only see that she is not nearly keeping this all together, for herself... Her daughters are around, the whole day too, coming and going, Have to take care for their and husbands too... I stay away, it is too much already, for my sister. If they dont take care of her, this could be killing her, too..... He has cancer everywhere. breathing does not go well, pain everywhere..... he is well taken care of... When people come in that last phase, their skin gets a totall other colour, and they are smelling different, too... I think he is already in that phase....... I dont dare to ask this, because, well, they maybe think, iam rude to talk about it, in that manner... But, to me, that are just the facts. You cant sugarcoat the last phase anymore it is what it is! Maybe, if i asked this one , that she will understand.... It also a way , to prepare them, for what is coming... Aah, maybe i should just shut my big mouth and let it all happen...? i dont know...? |
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When my daddy died, i was active involved, go visit him, talk with the staff and inform the other family members. Now? This is strange, to me, to sit at home and wait for that phone call...
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It is so hard to be on the outside looking in. Sending you big hugs.....
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drmgirl, Yes, it is, Thank you, so very much,
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I feel your pain and angst Rosa and fully agree with you about your sister. I lived through these exact same situations with both my father and mother. I gave my mother the support she needed when my father was dying, to the point where I took unpaid leave from the army to be able tend to her whilst she tended to dad, and I know that took a toll on me, but they were my parents and it was the least I could do for them. Then when mum was dying a couple of years later I near burned out caring for her until she was put in hospital, which is where she passed a few days later. The final days/weeks or even months are not easy on anyone who has a loved one dying. Just be there for the family members when they need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to talk to.
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From all of us that have had to go through what they and you are, please know that we are thinking about you from across the big pond. Looks like her daughters would have her around their house a lot more to help ease the fatigue on her......  
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You might drop a note to your sister, and tell her You wish you could help (one can tell you do from your posting here). But that you know there are so many there now, one extra mouth to feed and such would add more burden and stress in her and all the others staying there. Tell them your thought go to her afflicted husband and all those surrounding him. Tell them it is of care and concern for them all, and that you love them. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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Jesus loves you.
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sending you love and strength xx
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So sad and such a helpless feeling.
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1/15/2024 7:15 pm |
Feel your helplessness. Time passes on
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“Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.” ― Aeschylus
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rosa You can only offer your support! It is a terrible time for you all! A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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Like it has been already said a Letter or phone call explaining to your sister i am sure she would love to hear from you Take Care
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❤️❤️❤️HUGS❤️❤️👅
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Are you close with any of her children? Enough to say tell your Mother to go to her sisters house , yours, a for a few hours to rest and the daughter stay with the father? I was there also when my dad got sick, quit my job, went to help. I then had to stay with my Mother for 3 months after he passed, taking care of her until she could again function... It is never easy. We all feel for you and them
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hugs and love
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NoNonsense_Dom, Thank you, for your kind words, it is a hard time for my sister and her daughters, and their familys. They have closed the circle around their daddy, and her man, husband,' there is no place now, for anyone or anything else. I do understand, that. They all know, i am there, for them, when they need me. i send sometimes a message, to let them know... i am there for them...
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melt, Thank you, 
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DD, That is exactly what i did, a few days ago.  We might have had the same idea, to do....
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DCLX, Thank you,
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mashamay, It is indeed, thank you,
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Peaceofcake, Thank you,
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jenny, Thank you, i did that, already, ofcourse, still feel totally useless.... helpless.....
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skin, Indeed, i did that, already, by letter and by a message online. Thank you, for that idea.,
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brandy, thank you so much,
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