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Vetting...? Or? Really taking the time to get to know the other? I believe vetting is done, for when ever you want to have a safe play partner. Not a relation style partner... So, you ask around in your local scene if that person is known. and what his reputation is? is he safe to play with? Is he safe to play with at a private place, or do you need to go to a dungeon to be safe with this person? What is his knowledge level, on safety or on the tools? All that kind of info collecting, is all about the play scene. That is not about the relation first, if ever.... It is in my eyes, also rather shallow.... I mean, this guy can be well known, by some other players, who dont take safety very serious. or who dont know anything about the safety/ rights of the submissive (m/f) Or the trafic light system. Or good negotiation?? So, for me, vetting is not something i trust very much. i have been vetting some guys too, and their former submissives all spoke highly of his quality as a dominant..... While my experience with this person, was not at all good. So, vetting is not something i will ever be interested in. I want to knów the person, behind the mask.... How he treats other people. How he talks about his former submissives How he talks about other female members of this society... Or at his work situation. Vetting is for me, only for when you want to play with someone. Do a scene, or some roleplay, fantasy play ... His character? Might not be of much interest for you... While for me, his character is where it all starts. And as far as i have witnessed, the characters of those play partners are never questioned at all... To me, that is a red flag. I take this all very serious |
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Just some thoughts...... about safety while play acting the role. and vetting, for your safety..?
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3/3/2024 11:19 am |
For me personally, I don't get involved unless I've reached the point of collaring my sub. Everybody is different and each relationship is different, but for me personally I don't let those walls down until that person has given me their trust. Trust that I won't abuse my role, trust that I understand gravity of the trust given. Trust that I will perform aftercare if needed. Trust that I will respect any and all boundaries. Trust that I fulfill my role as expected of me. You did separate in your post the defining differences in safe play vs a relationship. For many, myself included. Those lines are the same. This also is something to think about when introducing someone to bdsm who has never experienced that kind of relationship before. Nobody ever really understands that level of commitment or responsibility IMO.
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Ozzastru, Iam not talking about "a role", here. Iam talking about having this inner need, to want to submit, or even surrender to the one, who understands this and feel the same. This inner urge, to feel complete, in my surrender, to his wishes, his ways, his leadership, of OUR relation. In this kind of relationships, there is not one part vanilla. The whole power dynamic is changed, he is in controle, she follows, ther is no power struggle about what ever vanila couples struggle or fight about... on a daily manner, often... After they courted, for some time. and the bdsm aspect is one extra part of their power dynamic or, if you want to call it that way bdsm is their way of love/sex-making... Also, not every couple does the collaring thing.... It is a relation, first and the bdsm is the icing on the power dynamic relation. Thank you for your reaction.
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I think dominants treat each sub differently so what's good for one might not be good for the other.
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'It is a relation, first and the bdsm is the icing on the power dynamic relation.' I believe the same thing as you Rosa, agree with this statement you made, 100%! Nicely written and expressed, thank you for posting.
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drmgirl, I might hope so! 😄😘 It is not one size fits all, as some of those sex bedroom players seem to think, act, expect of the submissive.. As every dominant has his own personality, too...😍
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1benquick, Glad you like this writing,& feel and think the same.😊
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Ozzastru, I agree, not one person, who really understands this way of building a relation, Power Dynamic. When you only can see this BDSM thing, as something you "do" in the bedroom, in an vanilla relation.... most because they still have this thought about having to be eqaul to each other, as in vanilla relation is common, As we all are raised, to believe as The Only Way. so they have told me many times, before; this kind of relationships are impossible. I wish they would say that to all the folks, who live it, that way..... see what happens? lol
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