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Emotional garbage? Talked with a friend, it was her birthday. We got to talking about the Dutch scene and the amount/quality of men in there... I told her about my latest experiences.... We agreed, those/most? men, in the Dutch scene are definitely no dominants. They are bedroom players. parttime dominants, hobbistssss... They lack any real! interest in you, as a person, they inmediately jump into the kinky porn talk. They inmediately want to see you or have you send them a picture of how you look like, Never thinking about YOUR feelings of safety. AT ALL. They never work on establishing any safety, dont work on building trust, never say what they mean, and mean what they say. (unless it is kinky porn talk) Never stable in how they react to what ever it is, you tell them. They are good in small talk, if that does not take too long,... pretending to be interested in you, but really are not. They dont remember anything you told them, if it is not kinky sexy talk. if it does not turn them on. If you told them, you are sad, because you cat, dearest uncle, niece, what ever, died, They dont remember that at all. They dont invest time and energy in YOU. She made me cry, because she said to me, she wanted me to find my kind of man. And how she wished she could conjure this person, out of clay if she had too, to make me feel, the way i am, deep down inside. Because she knóws, the deep down inside mé, she knows how much i long for such a deep commitment, connection. F*** king is easy, you can f*** with every t, d, or harry... BUT, that deep, deep trust needed to give myself to someone To let that someone see, thát deep inside of mé? To build that deep trust, BEFORE anything else?? You both need to be special, and especially WANTING that, knowing you, both have to work for it, every day. conscious decision, to want to surrender, to want to guide and controle and take on that amount of responsibility. Those men?? wont be able to carry that amount of responsiblity, not even, when their lifes depended on it. And, i should be giving myself, to those?? They have nothing to offer me. But pain and missery, because they dont understand that some women, ARE submissive, as in their nature, in their core. Sure, such women dont show that in day to day living! They must be mad, to do so! When such a woman acts (?) shows her true nature in a vanilla setting.... most men, think she is an easy lay... Dont understand one thing about, what is shown to them. Because they are vanilla and not Dominant, by nature.... as in their core Sure, you can be? dominant in the bedroom during some scene / sex role play and afterwards you both go back to your natural selfs, being vanillas with a sparkling sex life... That is just something totally different from what i am talking about. It is not less, or more It is different. To mé, it feels less... because, the sex is not what this is all about, the role play is not what this is all about, the amount of orgasms, is not what this is about, or the denial of orgasms.... Thát, are only - to me- actions, without that deep inner connections, that does not mean anything to me. This is about surrender, on a mental level, first ad formost, to his rules, to his guidance. Knowing, he knows me, in and out, knowing i will always be safe, with him. NO matter what. after we both got to know each other, the dark, the shiny and the nasty parts of ourselves... After we found out, we like each other, like the way the other thinks, her/his sense of humor, his work/ethics, moral code... Whó he/ she is. So, she made me cry, because it is hiddin very deep inside of me, that submissive woman... She touched her.... And, when ever that happens, i feel the pain of not having this in my life.... It makes me feel sick... emotional... it is such a deep feeling...of wanting, of needing.... him. It is like a void, sure i have a good life, have friends, talk, have fun, eat, go to sleep, shower, cook, do my shopping, the mondain stuff... and enjoying that too.... for sure... But that is just the surface..... Underneath thát, is a very big hunger, void.... in my core.... Searching, always searching, even when i am not aware that i am doing it, always scanning, feeling, searching for this special power.... this special energy... Play dominants, dont show that special energy, dont have that special energy, to mé, they are just horny vanilla guys, with a lot of sexual fantasies, and most of the times, a very nervous kind of energy around them... not stable at all... Much to much only focussed on their own. Some could be nice, to talk to, maybe... Most are just soo occupied with their dicks and where they want to put that in, you cant talk with them, at all. There is not enough blood left in their brains, for that.....  So, she touched that mé, deep inside of mé.... 
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Sighs...... Dont tell me, "he" will be there, bla blabla...I have heard enough of that, already.. I knów dominants by heart, are a special breed... And not very common, at all. They too, have had their feelings hurt, are carefull not to show, too much of what is deep inside of them..... Although, that specical energy is always around them, they cant controle or hide it... Trying to find such person...... is a quest... And, sometimes i get very tired and sad, of that quest....  Once bitten, twice shy... That is the thing with those play doms, they have no idea, what kind of damage they create, when "playing" with a slave like submissive. Even when they are considerated about the feelings of that submissive, To them, it is a role.
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This is lovely - and you have hit on a key point. Being a Dom isn't a role. It is (or should be) an essential part of a Dom's being, but far from the only one, or even the most important one. A Dom must be a fully realized human being (IM and know how to bring that humanity to the complexity of D/s.
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What I love the most about this is that you have a friend that can feel so deeply about you......that's priceless!
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All so true, Rosa... I don't think I will ever meet that person.
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All so true, Rosa... I don't think I will ever meet that person.
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NoNonsenseFromU, Thank you very much, He, this dominant also needs to be a whole, emotional sane and safe, developt person, too... Go figure! As the submissive needs to be, too.
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drmgirl, Aah, you are such a deep person, yes, she is, you bring tears to my eyes, by saying this, thank you. 
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ExName< Ooh! dont do that! Dont say; you will never meet such a person! because, words have meaning, power, too... it might? be very difficult, ( understatement of the century!) but, there is always a chanche, you will meet him, hé will séé you! I understand why you say it though, i do! I sometimes feel that way too...  Dont give up hope! please! Or, maybe if that gives you some mental rest.... thats good too....
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brandy If we dont believe in miracles anymore, why are we living, then? Keep believing in that miracle! give yourself something to hope for, is my intention. Althought, that, sometimes hurts like a real MF.  
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Rosa Dear 💋.... You are also correct..❤️
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