My ^%$#@ pussy #@!^$%* itches!!!!!!
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Posted:Oct 2, 2008 12:36 pm
Last Updated:Oct 8, 2008 4:41 pm 41786 Views
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This is due to the fact that I have reached that regrowth point where my poor denuded pubic region is SERIOUSLY PRICKLY.
Add to this fact that this situation then forces me to don panties, a garment I normally eschew, and you have one
inter(exter)nally irritated gal.
All this thanks to that (pubic prickles notwithstanding, delightful) scene of a couple of weekends ago,
I could kill him.
Nothing like being hard-on a deadline and wrigging in your chair.
hehehe...I said hard-on
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white people make better canvasses...?
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Posted:Sep 27, 2008 2:16 pm
Last Updated:Oct 4, 2008 1:01 am 43606 Views
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I am in my hotel room, chilling before my class this afternoon.
I had an idea about an on-your-feet exercise to conduct in today’s class on “Race Play”. Though it relies on a certain percentage of PoC being in the room. I can’t ever rely on that at the average Leather event, so we’ll see.
Yesterday I was at a class that dealt with how one might “perform” well whilst bottoming in a BDSM play scene. I was skeptical at first: this shouldn’t be about putting on a show, should it? Isn’t it the point to find connection? Depth? Spiritual blah blah blutimoor blah?
Well, sometimes yes. But gods know that, over the years, I have been the prop in many scenes that were designed to highlight the clever cruel inventiveness of the top or dominant to whom I was bottoming, or in service.
I thought the class was pretty good, actually.
Then, a bit of the ol’ the buzz kill.
The class was over, and the instructor was taking the demo model out of some rope bondage. The demo model had some pretty livid rope ligature marks, and who doesn’t love that?
People were standing around admiring them.
The instructor laughed and said “Yeah, that is one of the reasons I love playing with white people. You can really see the marks so beautifully!! I don’t know if that makes me racist, but I really love it!”
…Um…
How is something that is just a straight-up observation of a plain old fact make me feel prickly?
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the problem with A Good Beating is....
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Posted:Sep 22, 2008 4:27 pm
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2008 10:34 pm 42705 Views
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....you want more.
That sip of cool clear delicious insanity, and now I want a six pack and a beach on which to drink it.
*sigh*
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what has changed. what has not.
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Posted:Sep 21, 2008 11:42 pm
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2008 12:29 pm 43529 Views
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Stage one: deconstructing
what has not changed:
The internal struggle that often resolved in me doing shit that derails logical thought.
The surge of GREATitude at being recognized, and "seen", by a trusted friend.
The really surreal sense of dissolution when I submit to an act or a behaviour that takes me past my comfort level.
My ^%$# accent issue.
what has changed:
My sense of HAVING to engage in a type of play in order to be accepted and cared for.
My willingness to experiment in edgy-play with less-well-known quantities.
My pain tolerance.
My sense of loss and "adriftness" post-scene.
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ALREADY tempted to fucking SAFEWORD.
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Posted:Sep 19, 2008 11:43 am
Last Updated:Oct 6, 2009 12:27 am 43994 Views
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This is always my thought when I am not involved in a relationship. and time goes by, and I have a play-date.
Which I have tonight.
The vagaries of physical tolerances comes to the fore and I wonder if, perhaps, the years of regular, hard play were an illusion.
Perhaps I was fooling myself into thinking that I enjoy pain, that my body will have forgotten those truly transcendent moments, that this was all a Really Desperate Measure to get sadistic motherfuckers to pay some attention to me, for a while.
It does NOT HELP to have a play-date on International Talk Like A Pirate Day with a friend who is not only British but also actually a sailor.
Fuck.
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&^%$ Head? Meet &^%$ brick wall. Lather, rise, repeat.
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Posted:Sep 15, 2008 9:59 pm
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2008 11:42 pm 44031 Views
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I just got the writing assignment from my friend with whom I am looking forward to playing with.
He is a sadist, and that is Not Something To Be Taken Lightly.
I haven't played with anyone seriously sadistic in a while.
Yeah yeah, people can adjust bladeeyadda.
But you know how you get.
You wanna be pleasing.
You want to take everything that they can dish out.
The Masochismo kicks in.
SO, I have to do something I hate.
Well, no....not "Hate" like I hate mushrooms.
Maybe just dislike.
Yeah.
Something I really just don't dig, man.
I can teach a class on it, tell you how to avoid common mistakes, how to protect yourself as best you can, how to cope with the inevitable day when Something Goes Awry, despite the Best laid plans.
Those sonsabitches Gang Aft Agly, baby.
But when if comes down to sitting down myself and answering this fucking e-mail...well.
I'm writing this blog post.
Because I suck at negotiation.
*that photo is the top Google search picture when you look up negotiation. I was curious as to what would pop up...now i am even more curious as to human nature.
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fucking newbie.
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Posted:Sep 14, 2008 5:02 pm
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2008 11:47 pm 44301 Views
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SO long since I have played with this particular friend that when he sends a one line e-mail asking if I'd like to, my brain does a Warner Brothers-esque *wibblewibblewibble* and I am immediately pleased, and thinking "Well, that will be fun, Yay!" and thinking "onmygodyouhaven'tplayedinalongwhileandnowyouaretotallylameandwillsafewordlikeimmediatelyandthatmeansyousuckandnoonewilleverwanttoplaywithyouagain"
I haven't gone and scened in a long long time. By my standards, anyway. The previous relationship with the unboyfriend wasn't inclusive of structured play, and barely skimmed the edges of SM, so that adds to the drought.
I haven't played since my sojourn on Portland. Prior to that, I gotta go way back.
How strange it is.
I know many of my bottom type friends talk about their "need" and "hunger" but for me, since my masochism is pretty much tied in with my submission, I gotta at the VERY LEAST really really like the person beating me otherwise my impulse is irritation and vengeance.
So now I have been invited to play, and THAT has been a while coming as well.
And of course now I am nervous about it.
I haven't had a whip cracked at me in YEARS.
Isn't that something.
See, newbies? No matter how many times you lope around the dungeon, even after more years than you can count on your fingers, when you move to counting-on-fingers-and-toes time on the (auction) block, you CAN still get jittery.
Yay!
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18 months.
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Posted:Sep 14, 2008 3:48 pm
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2008 11:47 pm 45122 Views
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Of being present, that is.
That would also be 550 Days, for those keepin' count 
Eighteen Months and, while not counting the days, I am counting on more to come, with clarity & gratitude & hope & trust.
Taking away my self imposed nets, filters and coping mechanisms left me free to fall right into the biggest safety net of all, and that is the sure knowledge that i will ALWAYS be given what I need when I need it, as opposed to what I want when I want it.
But I DO sometimes get what I want when I want it, and I am able to enjoy (and fuckin' remember!!) it these days!
*laughs*
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goodbye beautiful jellyfishes!
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Posted:Sep 13, 2008 10:29 am
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2008 4:47 pm 43358 Views
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This is the final weekend for the Monterey Bay Aquarium to offer the Jellies: Living Art! exhibit.
As a long-time jellyfish aficionado, I was very delighted when I first saw that exhibit a couple of years ago. One of the beautiful things about this Aquarium is the semi-permanence of many of the exhibits.
I am assuming that these jellyfish will be returned to the ocean. I mean, I can't see that there is much in terms of jellyfish social reintroduction shock.
I will be glad to have the chance to let go of the unsettling events of the last week, forget about the things that don't really, in the long run, matter...office politics and the like.
What really matters is marvelling over the intricacies of the bell of a jellyfish, watching a sea otter cracks open an oyster, being hypnotized by a school of glimmering quicksilver sardines, watching the ocean smile mysteriously beyond the shores of the Monterey Bay, realizing that there is SO MUCH MORE on this planet alone than you can ever truly deeply understand that rilling in the mystery and smiling into the abyss is a fine thing to do on a Saturday afternoon.
I'll be on Twitter (user name mollena) for anyone who wants to come along
Peace
~Mo
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