Online and First Meetings....safety first
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Posted:Mar 15, 2010 3:13 pm
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2010 3:25 pm 4373 Views
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Online D/s
For all new Doms and subs alike, here are a few standard rules to make your transition into online D/s a safer one.
1. You do not have to answer ever private messages that you get.
2. Do some reading ! But there are many good books about D/s on the market. Doing your homework can really pay off.
3. When you make your first few forays into the chat rooms, do not announce in the open room who you are and what you're looking for. You wouldn't do this on the street or go into a regular club and make such statements. Don't do it online. Make polite conversation in the room. Show respect, and you'll earn it in kind.
4. NEVER give your real name, phone number, credit card information to any other personal information to ANYONE you've just begun to talk to online. Get to know someone over time before revealing anything of importance !!
5. When approached by a potential partner, ask questions !! Get to know the person as well as online will allow, and then very discreetly, ask around for references about that person. Please heed any warnings you may receive about an individual, but be sure you ask for more than one opinion. If you cannot find anyone online who will vouch for this potential partner either way, please proceed very slowly. Remember that online is no different than real life. Make them earn your trust.
6. Always be aware that this forum of communication harbors unsavory characters, just as any other. And also be aware that people may not always be who they appear, or claim to be. If you proceed at a cautious rate, you'll save yourself some possible heartache down the road.
7. PHONE CALLS: If someone wishes to speak with you, and you aren't entirely trusting of the yet, offer to call them instead of giving your number out. You can disable any possible Called-ID function they have by punching in the disable code (check your phone book information pages, or call your phone company). Keep your first conversation brief and friendly. If you still harbor doubts at the end of this, continue to call them. Never go against your instincts - they are your most valuable resource. If they demand your number and you've respectfully and repeatedly told them no, perhaps it's time to close that particular door.
8. Even if you live close to someone you meet online, it's not a good idea to move into meeting them too quickly. Take your time in getting to know them, speak several times on the phone, and if you do agree to meet, set it up at a public place, and take a friend along.
First Time Meetings
There are many ways to meet potential D/s partners.
First time meetings always require a little extra security and safety.
1. Always set the meeting up well in advance, so that you have time to arrange a sufficient safety net. (This goes for Doms and subs alike.) If you are traveling, make reservations at a motel, but do NOT let the person you're meeting know where you'll be staying.
2. Arrange to meet for the first time during the daylight hours in a public place, such as a mall or a restaurant. Always park your car a distance away, so that if the meeting goes badly, you cannot be followed away. Another good idea is to take a cab to this first meeting.
3. Do not plan to play during your initial meeting or even the second or third. You should have plenty to discuss, without sex or D/s play entering into the equation.
4. Think about taking along a friend. A serious potential partner won't feel intimidated.
5. SAFE CALLS: Let 2 friends, preferably local to where you'll be meeting, know your complete schedule. Give them the full name of the person you'll be meeting, their phone number and a brief physical description. You can even go so far as to give them the make, model and plate number of the car your date' will be driving. Arrange to call these 2 friends immediately after you've met your date'. Give them a key word' beforehand, that you can say if you need to get away from your date' - for example, you could say that everything is great' if you need help, or that everything is wonderful' if you're okay. Your safe calls should arrange to come get you, or give you some sort of out' if you use your keyword. If you'll be spending more than a few hours with your date', it's a good idea to call your safe calls every few hours, at least at first.
6. Be honest with your date. If you feel, after this first meeting, that this person is not someone you want to be involved with, be honest and up-front about that. It's not necessarily a good idea to do this at your first meeting. Go home, sleep on it. And then arrange to speak to this person the next day. Remember, your instincts are your most valuable resource.
7. Have a good time. Be yourself. But most importantly, be SAFE and be HONEST - with your date, and with yourself.
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Passing along the information...Reality vs Fantasy
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Posted:Mar 15, 2010 2:38 pm
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2010 3:26 pm 4100 Views
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When such incredible ignorance about very basic ideas exists and is perpetuated by so many in the BDSM subculture, people who want to live a BDSM life style need to make a clear distinction between the fantasy aspects of BDSM and the real aspects. There are hundreds of realizations that make up the process of distinguishing fantasy from reality. Here are a few simple examples that I hope will give you an idea of the scope of this undertaking:
THE FANTASY: Every dominant, everywhere, must always be addressed deferentially as "Sir" (or "Ma'am," if she is female), and possibly, obeyed as you would obey someone who actually owns you.
THE REALITY: Some dominants will hit you upside the head if you dare to address them in this way unless you know them really well. Not only does "Sir" assume a certain familiarity or the existence of a power exchange when none is actually there, but honest dominants do not want to be called by such a title unless they have, in your eyes, earned it.
THE FANTASY: A submissive who doesn't wear a collar is not a true submissive.
THE REALITY: True submissives are made by what they are inside, not by their (or their masters') BDSM fashion sense. A slave is someone who is owned by another--period.
THE FANTASY: A person who does really good cybersex, who is able to paint delicious erotic scenes with words, is in reality a wonderful dominant or submissive, with profound feelings and extensive experience.
THE REALITY: A person who does really good cybersex, who is able to paint delicious erotic scenes with words, is simply a good or an imaginative writer. To believe otherwise is the same as believing that an actor is in real life the same personality he or she plays on the screen. In actuality a superb BDSM cyberscener may be as vanilla as they get. Or he may be a cop. You will not know anything about such people, you cannot know what they are really like, by watching them spin pretty scenes. You have to get beyond their words, somehow see more of what they're really like. This involves talking to them on the phone. This involves meeting them in real life. At the very least, this involves observing them carefully over a long period of time and questioning them extensively about their real feelings on sexual and other issues.
Moving From Fantasy To Reality
The fantasy BDSM life style can be very attractive, especially to those who have not yet experienced the reality. It's incredibly easy to be an "absolute master" if your slave lives hundreds of miles away from you and isn't in your face all the time with resistance, anger, frustration, and other problems of training. It's awfully easy to obey orders over a computer screen or a telephone, as the person ordering you can't really see what you're doing or know how well (or how poorly) you are carrying out each duty. It's a wonderful escape to pretend that you are not stuck in a miserable marriage with a man who cannot satisfy you, that you have three snotty or a relatively low-paying job in a small, conservative community and that your buttocks are beginning to respond to the call of gravity. Instead you are Kajira-Tantric, proud and beautiful slave princess of Gor, or Lady Inglenook, beloved possession of the Great Lord Sky Pilot, the domliest dom in all the wide land. And people on line will accept you in the role you paint for yourself, especially if you are creative about it. What a wonderful way out of the drabness of ordinary life the on-line world can seem!
But this land of dreamy dreams does have its drawbacks. Because other people attracted to the same fantasies tend to be like yourself: dissatisfied or deeply unhappy with the reality they have (and also often too scared to change that reality), the types of people you are most likely to meet on line are often very limited in actual experience and the knowledge that inevitably flowers with experience.
Some dominants and submissives who meet over the computer do attempt to take their relationships out of the realm of fantasy. They divorce their husbands and wives. They arrange custody, according to their and their spouses' needs. They move in together and attempt to build a life as dominant and submissive or master and slave. But, after the initial honeymoon period, which can last anywhere from a couple of weeks to a couple of years, trouble comes to paradise. Both the new submissive and the new dominant--despite possibly extensive cybersex experience (or perhaps because of it)--are usually extremely ill-equipped to deal with the problems and challenges that are part and parcel of trying to make one of the most difficult kinds of relationships in the world--a power exchange--work.
The problems that come up are quite extensive and complex to describe, but I've noticed that certain predictable patterns tend to repeat. One pattern is that the so-called "dominant" in the relationship, after a number of months or years of acting the role, seems completely to lose his interest in controlling his submissive. He turns vanilla on her, and, if she has sincere submissive needs, she is, sexually, right back to where she was before she met him. Another extremely common pattern--in fact, I would go so far to say it happens in almost every D&S relationship--is that the submissive begins to resist her dominant's control. She doesn't want to obey his day-to-day orders. She finds doing what he says unpleasant. She gets upset when they do scenes together. And, seeing this unattractive behavior in herself, she begins to question whether she really is submissive or not.
There are dozens more problems that pop up when people try to move from fantasy to reality. But often, because they've lived in the fantasy world so long and have been indoctrinated by the fantasy ideology that everything about D&S is easy, they are extremely ill-equipped to come up with workable solutions to the inevitable problems and challenges of power exchange. They don't know what in the world is going on, they don't know why their wonderful dream of bliss is turning into such a horror, and they don't know anyone whom they can turn to for help, as everyone they know in fantasyland is pretty much at the same level of knowledge as themselves. (Remember, the people who really do know a lot about the reality of BDSM are usually deeply hidden from the rest of us.) And so what does the beleaguered and inexperienced kinky couple do? Break up, usually. Renounce the BDSM life style as an impossibility--not just for them, but for everyone else, often. Or return to the comforting, false, easy world of cyber relationships--and stay there for good.
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Confusion on subspace
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Posted:Mar 15, 2010 2:25 pm
Last Updated:May 10, 2024 2:13 am 3867 Views
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I keep seeing people who confuse subspace with orgasms.
Subspace” is a form of trance. Trance in its essence is a state of being, different from your “normal” state of being. During trance your mind excludes most of its input and concentrates on just one or only very few impulses, completely disregarding all others. There are many ways in which a trance can be induced. Prolonged dancing for example, or hunger, prolonged physical activity. Hypothermia, recreational drugs, high fever, lack of nutrition, dehydration and BDSM-activity all can induce trance. Someone “in subspace” is easy to recognise from the outside. They are no longer able to drive a car, or even a bike. They seem silent, absentminded, slow responding, uninterested. In other words “not really here”. That again is not the same as the warm, glowy, dreamy feeling after an orgasm. Somebody “in subspace” is “not on this planet”, so to speak.
During the scene, the intense experiences of both pain and pleasure trigger a sympathetic nervous system response, which causes a release of epinephrine from the suprarenal glands, as well as a dump of endorphins and enkephalins. These natural chemicals, part of the fight or flight response produce the same effect as a morphine-like drug, increasing the pain tolerance of the submissive as the scene becomes more intense. Producing a sort of trance-like state due to the increase of hormones and chemicals, the submissive starts to feel out-of-body, detached from reality, and as the high comes down, and the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in, a deep exhaustion, as well as incoherence. Many submissives once reaching a height of subspace will lose all sensation of pain, as any stimuli causes the period to prolong.
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Questionaire for Project
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Posted:Mar 14, 2010 11:31 pm
Last Updated:Mar 15, 2010 11:32 am 3992 Views
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If possible, I would like to get input on scening from various people, with various opinions and techniques for a project. Please view these things as if you are talking to a beginner or somewhat inexperienced person that needs instruction and information. Please feel free to send answers to fetlife....an easier format there. Same nickname as alt.
How do you begin a typical scene?
Do you provide a warm-up to scening, or jump straight into it?
What are critical criteria for you when scening?
How do you think music affects a scene?
What are your favorite choices in scening music?
What do you consider the most important safety issues in scening?
How much negociation on the scene to take place...pre-sceen...with someone new?
How should beginners approach scening, assuming both are new?
What do you consider the greatest hazards in scening?
What are some of the worst mistakes made in scening?
How do you approach hydration in scening?
How long is your average scene?
What particular things do you think enhances the journey to subspace for the submissive?
How do recognize when a submissive is in subspace?
How do recognize when a submissive is transitioning out of subspace?
What do you do when the submissive has detached in subspace?
How do you bring a submissive out of subspace?
What do you consider the most important aspects of assisting a submissive out of subspace?
What do you consider important things to do after the submissive is out of subspace and 'coming down'? What aftercare do you offer?
Do you make sex a part of the coming down, or do you take of the existing situation and let her rest?
Though I know what I think, and what many think on this, do you try to mix sex into subspace, or
let the bdsm scene stand on its own?
What is the difference in an orgasm and subspace?
How do you try to soften subdrop? How do you provide support during subdrop?
Do you discuss the scene afterward with the submissive?
Are you open to her input about what was positive or negative about the scene?
Would you be willing to alter certain things...or elliminate them if they were a negative?
How do you feel about limits and safeword?
Have you ever had a scene go bad in any way?
What do you, or should one do, when a scene goes bad?
How do you feel individual morals and ethics play into scening?
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Story 10
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Posted:Nov 24, 2009 1:19 pm
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2010 3:27 pm 4198 Views
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Sir knocked on the door of the paint room and it was immediately answered by the assistant. He led his submissive into the room, who was ever so confident that this woman would not dare to
touch her in any way outside of what was proper.
Sir spoke the woman, "I understand you will be removing the paint from my submissive."
The woman eyed her for a moment, "Yes,sir.....that is my job. Please come into the next room, there is a shower."
Sir removed the chains from her, whimpered softly as her tortured clit was free of the constant rubbing. They then followed the woman into the room, where the woman gestured for Sir to be seated where he would have full view of the open shower.
The woman told her to stand in the center of the large shower and lift her hands above her head.
She did so, but the woman complained of her swaying, and suggested she be cuffed and anchored to the ceiling in the shower. Sir agreed and the woman placed metal wrist cuffs on her and secured her to some chains hanging from above.
The woman turned the water on and stepped back. Soon the hot spray was showering the submissives body with water. The woman looked at her and left the room for a moment, returning with brushes and soap. The sight of the brushes concerned her, but Sir said nothing, just half observing.
The woman watched her for a moment, hanging there helplessly and walked over to Sir and whispered something to him. He nodded and smiled.
The woman returned, an evil smile on her face, and began undressing. When all clothes were finally dropped to the floor, she entered the shower space, soap and brushes in hand, and began scrubbing furiously at the submissives flesh, roughly removing the body paint.
Sir's submissive protested immediately at the harsh woman, but Sir said nothing, just watching his submissive hang from the ceiling while this woman tormented her. The woman left no place untouched by her savage scrubbing. The submissive continued telling the woman to stop, but she was obsessed. Soon there was no paint on her body, but the brush marks had reddened her skin to a bright pink.
The woman stepped back, checking out her handiwork, reached and turned the water off, leaving the submissive hanging there, dripping.
She smiled, "Time to dry you off young lady."
She bent down, and began licking the water from the submissives body in long slow strokes.
The submissive squirmed and protested, "Sir...please.....make this woman stop....please."
Sir just smiled, "You need to be dried submissive, be still."
She twisted in the cuffs as the woman continued up her legs and inside her thighs the submissive
horrified that this unpleasant woman was invading her...and Sir was allowing it.
Soon the woman was moving up her hips ....her waist ...towards her breasts....
"No....please...no......"
Sir again warned her, "Submissive, be still."
Taking a deep breath, she stays as still as possible, with the monster creeping up her body, slurping and licking, The woman finally capture a nipple and sucks deeply...sending an ache through her body...then the other nipple....a low moan slips out, even through her repulsion of this woman. The woman takes much time 'drying' the now flushed nipples.
The woman reaches up and releases her cuffs from the ceiling, lowering her arms finally.
Sir's submissive starts to bolt toward Sir, but is stopped, "Wait, you need a towel before you can leave, you are still wet."
She eyes the woman suspiciously as the woman takes a towel and wraps it around her, then leading her Sir. The submissive thought to herself, "Now we can leave."
Sir takes the towel from her, telling her turn around so he can dry her back. She does as told and feels the towel brushing her back and hips. He tosses the towel aside and tells her to sit in his lap, she glances at him, but does as told. He wraps his arms around her tightly, pulling her back to his chest.
"Submissive, spread your legs wide....now."
Confused, she spread her legs The woman is now able to stare straight into her pussy, "Oh , sir, I don't think she is dry yet, she is wet...very wet."
Sir tightens his hold, "Then dry her off, please. I can't have a wet submissive following me around!"
The submissive is shocked, "Sir......Sir.....please......oh god.....Sir."
She has thought of escape, but knows better and knows she will be punished if she does not concede to his wishes. She leans her head back on his shoulders, knowing this woman will diving into her wet pussy.
The woman wastes no time, dropping to her knees and begins licking and teasing her pussy. This is not the first time, nor the last she will enjoy one of these submissives. Her expert tongue slides up and down the pussy, diving in and out of the submissives small cavern. Nothing is sacred to this woman. She has her moment to eat this little sub.
She lay against Sir, twitching as the woman assaults her pussy. Sir loosens one arm and his hand grasps her breast, pinches her nipple hard...sending pain shooting through. He begins whispering to her...."Submissive, I want this, will you deny me?"
"Sir, ...oh no, Sir.....anything you wish, Sir..."
"Submissive, do you wish to cum for me?"
"Sir, yes Sir....please...."
Sir kisses her neck and begins caressing her body. She melts against him, listening to him.
The woman below continues her eating binge and sucks hard on the sensitive clit and slips a finger, then two, inside the submissive, finger fucking her hard.
It takes little time to drive the submissive over the edge after the early torment of the stool and dildo, the wine.
Sir feels her body heat and movement and knows...
"Submissive....cum, cum now for your Sir."
Her body stiffens and arches as the orgasm consumes her, rolling over her like a wave. Sir holds her tight and keeps whispering to her.
Sir gestures the woman to leave, and he sits holding his precious submissive until her body calms, gently stroking her.
Several minutes pass in the silence. Sir reaches a hand down to her pussy, rubbing it, noting that it is still wet.....
He whispers to her, "Submissive, you are still wet...perhaps we should call the woman back to dry to off.....would you like that?"
She gasps and he laughs, very amused.
They rise and take the walk back to their room.
She turns the bed down, waits for Sir to climb into bed and he tells her join him.
She snuggles close to him, and he whispers to her.
She slides down under the covers and takes his cock into her mouth, sucking it gently like a baby while he strokes her hair.....and they fall peacefully to sleep.
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