About Me and What Am I Looking For
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Posted:Nov 29, 2016 9:07 am
Last Updated:Mar 2, 2021 1:22 am 5880 Views
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I have been on hiatus for a few years now. I have spent that time getting to know myself better, convalescing, and growing. I am ready for true blue friends, the right partner and a family. I am open to switching depending on the kink, but I am not as into power dynamics as I used to be. I will most likely start with rope bondage since that seems to be the seat of my kinky soul, but fire play is a close competitor. If there is any possibility of D/s, it will be a relationship that is nurturing, supportive and loving. No aggression or punishment at all.
I have been in the lifestyle for about two decades now. Nearly half that time, I have been a part of my local kink community. I am a demi-sexual, a sapiosexual, and I am into BDSM for the connection, the spiritual and mental aspects of the practice. Emotional Intelligence is essential to me. If we are going to have a meaningful conversation, you should not only know what soft skills are, but you should also practice them.
A bit more about me -> I believe love conquers hate and that a positive attitude will get you further than being a cynic. I am genuine in character and believe that aligning my thoughts with my words and actions equals integrity. I believe in treating our only home, Earth, with the respect that she deserves and that goes for all of the Earthlings that reside here as well. In short, I have a modern hippie heart and would love it if you do too. *(Additional aspirations include but not limited to kayaking, dancing, cushy camping, continuing to work on being mentally, physically and spiritually fit, and finding a friend to support these dreams and more.)*
My Ideal Person NOTE: If my picture is why you want to contact me, I promise you that we don't have enough in common. I am only interested in friendships with no further expectations. If the friendship becomes something more, we can talk about romantic and kink matters at that time but not before. That's what it means to me to put people first and kinks second. I will not respond well to anyone who refers to me with a term of endearment such as babe, beautiful, hey sexy, hot lips, etc. All of this is a form of non-consensual objectification, and it is an excellent way to get you blocked.
I will chat with just about anyone, even if you don't use spell check, use text speak with wild abandon and show how proud you are of your laziness by using as many abbreviations as you can. However, know that none of those things is a turn on for me. Our interaction will go no further than the chat we are having if that is the case. I am currently separated. We are living as roommates. This will change as soon as it is feasible. I am available to date but know that I will not consider anyone who chooses to date in secret.
About You: You should be a kind, compassionate, and understanding soul who knows how to put your ego aside to make way for humility. You should be actively eco-friendly, care where your food comes from, and be anti-speciesist or at least on the path to achieving that outlook. My view is that if you identify as dominant or a Top or anywhere in between, for that matter, it doesn't exempt you from being a considerate, caring human being.
I'm keeping the door open here in the event that there are some fantastic, local, emotionally intellectual kinksters out there for friendship with no expectations or pressure. If something more comes of that, then great, but all outcomes are a learning opportunity. And I will be grateful for them. I believe that if relationships are to evolve, they should do so organically and over time. (i.e. "overtime" can mean six months, a year, or more. If you are bothered by this, you're probably in a rush, and ergo, not a good match for me.)
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Where has basic manners and decency gone?
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Posted:Jun 19, 2017 10:01 am
Last Updated:Jan 23, 2018 6:06 pm 3159 Views
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I realize that many of you are here to get your sexy on right off the bat. That's cool. In fact, I am often cheering on the side lines because I like to see people fulfilled and happy if that's what does it for you and the other person that you're having fun with.
What makes me happy may be different from you. I take it slow. I like knowing that whatever happens or doesn't is okay. There's no expectations from either side...and that there's no feelings of our time wasted if we never scene together but rather that our lives were enriched a bit more by what we learned from one another while we did spend time chatting.
I also like to know that even when our styles don't mesh that you will take it with stride and style. Yelling at me or calling me names because you didn't get what you want is bad form. Playing the numbers game and sending me a message that reads something like, "Hey. Uhm, ur hot!", will not only be a turnoff due to the text speech but also because of the non-consensual objectification and the lack of effort to show common ground between us.
I found this site that gives some great guidelines on how to send a woman or anyone for that matter a great message on a dating site such as this one: https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/online-dating-advice/online-dating-first-message/how-to-write-an-online-dating-message/ Also, basic good manners goes a long way...yes, even though we are on a BDSM dating site, manners count. I found a great poster that illustrates some things to keep in mind when communicating: www.zoosk.com/data/wallpapers/20/873959.jpg It is intended for third graders but wow do they ever still apply to all of us throughout life!
If you don't want to come across as a kind thoughtful person, that's okay. I respect that's where you are in life. All I ask is that you wish me well as much as I wish you well and that we part ways without any hash words or intentions being thrown at one another. I have experienced too much of that here and this blog entry is an attempt to turn that around.
Thanks for reading and I look forward to getting to know you. 
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My Style of BDSM: An Explanation in Erotica Form
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Posted:Nov 20, 2016 8:23 pm
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2016 9:03 am 6426 Views
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While I have lost a lot of hope, gumption and yes, desire to a point due to witnessing and experiencing a lot of disappointment in how much some of the old ways of practicing BDSM have gone by the wayside, I am still keeping a bit of faith that finding the right person will happen some day. I am not a blogger by any means and this may be my only entry *ever*. That said, there was a Fetlifer who once posted this piece of erotica that spoke to my style of BDSM so well that I put it on my page there and I thought I would post it here too. If this erotica speaks to you and you see yourself on the Top side of this, perhaps we should talk. Here is the post:
What It Looks Like To Really Fuck a Woman's Mind
by Fallstaffer about 1 year ago
Standing in the center of my room, naked from head to toe, I pace around Jessica. She turns her head to follow me and I lean in and whisper, “Eyes. Fucking. Forward.” We had been getting to know one another for the last few months through text. Over and over again she complained to me, “Guys don’t care about my mind. Some of them pretend to at first, but eventually all the care about is seeing me naked, or talking about what they want to do to me. I feel like I’m alone. It’s really frustrating. I always have to settle.”
It was confusing for her. A month into us talking she finally asked, “Don’t you want to see pics of me?”
“Why?” I responded. “I know what you look like.”
“No, I mean… like… sexy pics.”
I answered with, “Not really,” and enjoyed how uneasy it made her. I could have been one more person Jessica settled for, one more guy smart enough to act like I cared about what was between her ears. She wouldn’t have stopped me. If I wanted I could have grabbed by her fucking hair and flung her onto the bed. I could have slapped her across her face and grunted, “Shut the fuck up. You’re mine now, bitch.” I could have choked her or yanked her head back by her hair. I could have forced my cock into any hole I wanted. It would have been fun enough. We both would have enjoyed it. But then what? I’d have one more notch on my belt and she’d have one more notch taken from her soul.
“You really scare me,” she said a few days before we met.
“I know I do,” I answered
“You’re already inside my head. I know I said this is what I wanted, but now I think I could want it too much.”
I took Jessica’s trembling hand in mine and guided her to the bed, laying her down on her back. “Keep your hands by your side. You’re not allowed to touch me. If you touch me even once without my permission, all this ends. If you think I’m kidding, test me.”
I laid down beside her and told Jessica to close her eyes. At first I brushed the backs of my fingers along her face. “Do you feel how softly I’m touching you right now? Look at your perfect naked body in my bed. I could take what I want from it. You know I could. As much as we’ve talked about it, I know exactly what you like. I could take anything and there’s nothing you could do to stop me. You need to know, as much as I want that there’s something I want more. And before I have it, I can’t fuck you, I can’t hurt you, I can’t force you, I can’t make love to you… not yet.”
My hand moved to her neck, skimming up and down along her aorta, from her jaw to her collarbone. I traced the lines and contours of her throat, studying every inch. “It would be so fucking easy for me to wrap my hand around your neck. We’ve talked about it so much. I’ve made you cum so many times to thoughts of me cutting off all the air to your lungs; kissing you as you blacked out. But I can’t do it. Not right now. You better be hearing me. You better be letting every silky smooth word that comes out of my mouth seep into your gray matter, and filter through the rest of your brain.”
My fingers moved along her shoulder and then doubled back, crisscrossing her throat, to her other shoulder. Back and forth, over and over again, gliding along Jessica’s collarbone I learned the things I couldn’t learn over the phone. The birthmark on her neck was slightly raised off her skin. When she was nervous she had a habit of holding her breath. In between long pauses of me talking, she opened her mouth as if to try to coax me to speak, signaling there was something about my words she needed. I wondered if this happened over text, when she was sitting alone in her room, staring at her phone, waiting for the moment “…” turned into words. Had I conditioned her to be like this? What else could I condition her to be?
“I don’t know how long this will take. I won’t be able to move on until I could recreate you from memory, remold an exact replica of you out of clay.”
My fingers moved down to Jessica’s breasts, circling around and around her nipples. I watched as they stretched up to meet my touch, the skin going from soft to rigid. Colonies of goosebumps came and went in waves. Her body shimmied from the chills running along her spine. “Can you feel your body reacting to me? Can you feel how powerless you’re becoming? Soon you’ll know what it is like to lose control. Not just of what happens here, but of everything. The way my voice is getting inside of you, I’m claiming ownership of your conscious and your subconscious. I’ll be able to make your heart stop beating, or your lungs refuse to take in any more air, as easily as I’ll be able to make you drop to your knees.”
The backs of my fingers were now tracing the curves along Jessica’s torso, from her hips to her ribs, sometimes taking a route that traveled around and around her bellybutton. When my hand moved south, Jessica tried to raise up off the bed, encouraging me to keep going. But every time I got to that crossroad, an invisible barrier between her stomach and her pussy stopped my hand in its tracks.
“I want you to listen to me so carefully from here on out. I want you to focus on nothing but my words. Nothing else matters. Feel the person you were slip away. Shed all your insecurities and preconceived notions of what this was going to be, what it should be, and what it could be. From here on out the only thing that matters is what is.”
My hand refused to break that barrier. My fingers reexamined every inch of her, back up along her breasts to her neck, to her face and hair, and then back down. I took a different path every time, always ending up at the same place, always bouncing off that invisible barrier.
“The only way I’ll want you is if you let go. If you really let go. It’s time for you to get out of your own way. Focus on my words, because it’s my words that are flooding into you right now. It’s my words that are pushing your hips up and down off the bed. Did you even realize this was happening? I’m not touching your clit. But my words are. Can you feel them inside of you?”
I grabbed Jessica’s breast and then pressed it up into her. This practically made her levitate off the bed. Then I pinched her nipple between my thumb and index finger, tweaking back and forth. She tried to push up higher, arching her back. It was if all she wanted was for me to be inside her. The only problem being I was on the ceiling and she was on the floor. Finally, letting go, my hand moved up to her neck and Jessica eased her body back down.
“Look at you. Your whole body’s trembling like you’re submerged in ice. I want you to feel my words inside of you. I want you to feel how they’ve turned your brain into mush. You can’t think of anything at all right now. Even if you tried, you couldn’t stop and think about how your car needs an oil change, or how you have to go to the bank later today. All of that’s gone. All that’s left are my words. This is the moment you’ve been waiting for. You’re so fucking tired of men just wanting your mouth, or your, ass or your pussy, ignoring the most erogenous part of your body. Well today’s the day all that changes. I’m not going to fuck you. I won’t even touch your pussy. Today’s going to be different. Who you were before will not be who you are when you leave.”
Jessica’s hips rotated in circles as if she were grinding against an invisible person on top of her. I spoke in waves. My words going from fast to slow, slow to fast, controlled how her hips moved. It felt like there were millions of microscopic strings wrapped around my fingers, attached to each individual muscle fiber inside her. Jessica had no idea what I was doing. She was tired of men wanting to control her body, and here I was with complete control. Except, she wasn’t tied up. I didn’t need to hold her down. She didn’t need to ask me permission to cum. All protocols were thrown out, because who needs protocols when I was imprinting my wants and expectations into her mind, like Moses chiseling the commandments into stone.
“Does it feel like someone’s on top of you right now? Does it feel like someone’s inside of you? That’s it push up into him. Those are my words inside your pussy, inside your mind. Feel yourself getting wetter and wetter. Fell your stomach tensing up. My words are controlling you. Right now, you’re powerless. All you want is to listen to me, obey me, and submit to me. That’s it. Let go. Letting go feels so good, doesn’t it? Giving yourself to me feels so fucking good.”
Jessica bit into her bottom lip and let out a long restrained moan, as if she was trying to fight back against my power, as if she was trying to hold it all in.
“Don’t you fucking dare do that. Let it out. Don’t try to fight this. You’ve told me over and over again all you wanted was someone to treat your mind like it was your pussy, or your tits, or your mouth. Well here it is. It’s happening. My words are rubbing the clit between your ears. Accept it. Feel it. Let go. I’m so fucking deep inside of you I can see everything, all the hurt, all the love. I can see all the things you hide from me. I can see the things you hide from yourself. This is what you’ve been waiting for your whole fucking life. It’s time to free yourself. No more hiding. I know this isn’t what you thought it would be. I know this is way more intense than you could have imagined. But think for just a moment, what if. What if you got out of your own way for once in your fucking life, and lived in a moment. This moment. Right her. Right now. Just me and you. Everyone else on this fucking planet vanishing into nothing. Hear my words inside of you. Feel them in your lips, in your neck, in your breasts, in your stomach, and on your clit. That’s it. Grind against the invisible man on top of you. Fuck him. Let me have complete control over that beautiful sexy mind of yours. I want it. All for myself. It belongs to me now. Tomorrow when you are on your way to work, when you are cooking dinner, when you are trying to fall asleep, my words will still be inside of you, pinging of the walls of your skull. From this point on your thoughts are my thoughts. Let go.”
My hand cradled Jessica’s face as she let out a long building moan, evacuating all the air in her lungs. “That’s it. Give it to me. Give me what I want.” She gasped and her ass slowly rose off the bed. “Cum for me. I want to feel you fucking cum to my words rubbing your clit, to my words so deep inside your pussy you can feel them tickling your brain.” For a moment everything was frozen. Jessica stood on the verge of cumming. Neither she nor I had touched her pussy but that didn’t stop her from squirting across my bed. Streams of her juices shot out and she began to cry and cum and moan and scream. “Don’t you fucking stop. Feel it. Feel me inside of you. Your mine now. I fucking own you. Your mind belongs to me. From this day forward every time you cum, whether I’m with you or not, my voice will be inside that head of yours. How does it feel? Embrace it. Don’t. Stop. Cuming…” and then I just whispered, “Let go.”
Her body squirmed like she was possessed. It was like her orgasm didn’t originate in her pussy. It was like it originated in the space around her. She felt it in her hair, her fingernails, in the birthmark on her neck. If she had been alone and someone walked in to see this, it might have looked like a seizure or a stroke. It might have looked like someone had covered her body in fire ants and she was dying a death of a billion stings. “Don’t worry,” I whispered. “I’m here. I’m still here. You are safe and you are mine. Nothing else matters.”
Once the orgasm left her, she broke my rules and touched me. She rolled over and buried her face into my chest, tears falling from her eyes. It was OK. Even though I didn’t verbally give her permission to, we were both way past that point now, communicating on a higher level. “Shh, it’s OK. Let it out. I’m here for you now. You’re mine. No matter what happens from this day forward I’ll always be here for you. I won’t let go.”
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