Ya Gotta love how a Marine thinks
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Posted:Aug 12, 2010 10:26 pm
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2011 10:31 am 9715 Views
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If you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!!!!!!
A United States Marine was taking some college courses between assignments. He had completed 20 missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform... I'll give you exactly 15 min."
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting."
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.
The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.
The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to,
noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The Marine calmly replied, "GOD was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me."
The classroom erupted in cheers!
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Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:
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Posted:Aug 12, 2010 10:15 pm
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2011 8:04 am 8445 Views
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1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a smells another on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
And last, but certainly not least
14. If a leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
Ultimate True Test:
Lock your wife and your in the trunk of your car for an hour. Then open the trunk and see who's the happiest to see you.
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Great Orators of the Democrat Party
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Posted:Jul 26, 2010 2:55 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2010 5:51 pm 9818 Views
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"One man with courage makes a majority." - Andrew Jackson
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." - Franklin D. Roosevelt
"The buck stops here.." - Harry S. Truman
"Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country." - John F. Kennedy
And, from today's genius Democrats...
"It depends what your definition of 'Sex' is?'' - Bill Clinton
"That Obama ... I would like to cut his ---- off." - Jesse Jackson
"Those rumors are false .... I believe in the sanctity of marriage." - John Edwards
"I invented the Internet." - Al Gore
"The next Person that tells me I'm not religious, I'm going to shove my rosary beads up their." - Joe Biden
"I have campaigned in all 57 states." - Barack Obama ( Quoted 2008 )
"You don't need God anymore, you have us Democrats." - Nancy Pelosi ( Quoted 2006 )
"Paying taxes is voluntary." - Sen. Harry Reid
"Bill is the greatest husband and father I know. No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he." - Hillary Clinton ( Quoted 1998 )
And the most recent gem of wisdom from the "Mother Moron":
"We just have to pass the Healthcare Bill to see what's in it." - Nancy Pelosi ( Quoted March, 2010 )
HOW LUCKY CAN WE BE - TO HAVE SUCH BRILLIANT MINDS IN CHARGE OF OUR ONCE GREAT COUNTRY?
''Life's tough ... it's even tougher if you're stupid.''
- John Wayne
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THE POTTY
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Posted:Jul 26, 2010 2:41 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2010 5:51 pm 8163 Views
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It is so unusual to get a funny, non political, non sexist, non racist, and non doomsday message that I wanted to make your day by sending it along! I know you'll enjoy it.
A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP. THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK. BUT ABOUT EVERY 15 SECONDS OR SO, HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPS ONTO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF HIS HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.
HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE."
BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE POTTY' YET."
MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"
BILLY SAYS: " IT WORKS FOR KETCHUP."
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The Why's of Men
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Posted:Jul 26, 2010 2:14 pm
Last Updated:Oct 1, 2018 8:52 pm 8468 Views
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Q. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
A. because they are plugged into a genius
Q. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
A. (they don't have enough time
Q. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
A. they don't stop to ask directions
Q. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
A. because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
Q. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
A. so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties
Q. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
A. you need a rough draft before you make a final copy
Q. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
A. don't know......it never happened
C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!
Q. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
A. because a vibrator can't mow the lawn
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart!
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.' The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN
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This life is yours.
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Posted:Jul 3, 2010 5:12 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2010 5:55 pm 7544 Views
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Take the power to choose what you want and do it well.
Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly.
Take the power to walk in the forest and become one with nature.
Take the power to control your own life; no one else can do it for you.
Take the power to make your life Happy.
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The Submissive Lifestyle
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Posted:Jul 3, 2010 5:02 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 3:43 pm 6501 Views
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If it pleases Him to have me kneel before Him,
i will kneel reverently.
If it pleases Him to bind me,
i will gladly offer my arms to Him.
If it pleases Him to touch me,
i will allow myself to be touched.
If it pleases Him to teach me,
i will learn all i can.
If it pleases Him to discipline me,
i will accept it without a sound.
If it pleases Him to allow me to serve Him,
i will serve Him with loyalty and devotion
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Submission
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Posted:Jul 3, 2010 4:53 pm
Last Updated:Jul 3, 2010 5:04 pm 7492 Views
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Submission is taken, not surrendered, Submission is surrendered not taken,
Once you have it, tis up to you to keep it.
A submissive can only surrender once with her heart and soul. Once she does no other gets the same level of submission she can offer only her true Master.
Once surrendered and hurt, she may never be truly owned again.
Watch who you surrender to and who you accept, cause true submission has a price
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go figure it
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Posted:Jun 8, 2010 6:01 pm
Last Updated:Jul 20, 2010 2:29 pm 7759 Views
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I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful, younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was 22, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate, because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I am going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lord...and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father in law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our . Welcome to the family."
The moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
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