Happy Mother's Day! ...
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Posted:May 14, 2017 4:21 am
Last Updated:May 18, 2017 11:15 am 8098 Views
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Happy Mother's Day!...
Just a Note to all the Moms out there who have sacrificed day in and day out. It's a very selfless job and one day a year seems unjust. Please pamper Yourselves. Remember, none of Us would be here if it weren't for You!
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Coping with Emotional Sub Drop ....
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Posted:May 14, 2017 3:48 am
Last Updated:May 25, 2017 6:42 am 7630 Views
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Coping with Emotional Sub Drop .....
Many discussions of sub drop examine the physical aspects of post-scene aftercare but often overlook the more chronic and potentially crippling emotional effects. Too often, submissives and other BDSM partners are left to suffer in silence and often alone; the worst possible outcome.
Immediately following a scene or BDSM play, a submissive may experience an emotional high, a carefree feeling, an overwhelming sense of being free of stress and worries. However, when this feeling fades it can be replaced by other less desirable emotions. This emotional or mental drop varies in intensity and duration but often takes the form of guilt, anxiety, melancholy, depression, and/or agitation. While this may happen immediately or within a few hours following a scene, it can also manifest itself for several days to even a week or more after a hard scene.
The emotional manifestations of sub drop are often a direct result of coming down or “crashing" off of the endorphin high brought about by BDSM play. But they can also be a byproduct of physical exertion and stressors encountered during the course of play as well. These physical effects only serve to compound the psychological impact.
One of the causes of the mental or emotional drop can be a sense of loss brought about by a feeling of being suddenly disconnected from a BDSM partner. During the scene, a feeling of intense intimacy is created between the Dominant and submissive and if that contact is not maintained into the post-scene environment, a feeling of loss akin to the mourning of a death can set in. During a scene submissive looks to the Dominant for a feeling of safety and security, allowing themselves to feel profoundly vulnerable and exposed. After a scene, that vulnerability can lead to an overwhelming sense of having been deserted if there is no continued contact between the Dom and the submissive. The result is that a submissive can be left feeling used or abandoned.
Guilt and shame are also very common feelings experienced during emotional sub drop. These can be brought about by perceptions of social stigmas against BDSM and sexual activity. For new submissives especially, societal perceptions of sexual and/or gender roles and acceptable practices can cause confusion in the days following a scene. There can also be a sense of disbelief on the part of a submissive that they would actually allow themselves to do the things they have done or be treated in the way that they have been. Shame can play a major role in emotional drop compounded by a sense of isolation. Due to a sense of shame, a submissive can feel completely alone and unable to reach out to their customary support network of family and friends because “they simply would not understand.“ Here the Dominant or other BDSM partner needs to play a crucial supportive role.
Severe emotional sub drop can have long lasting effects. A serious occurrence with little or no care can damage or destroy a relationship between a Dom and sub, the trust bond having been severed between the two. As with all emotions, sub drop can also influence reactions to future scenes, the effects of which should be monitored closely. It is important that every effort be made to make sure that a scene ends as a positive experience.
The best way to cope with mental sub drop is relatively simple but the responsibility falls squarely on the Dominant, ACE:
A - aftercare directly following the scene
C - contact in the hours and days following the scene
E - expression of positive reinforcement to the submissive
Aftercare should be more than a Dom simply making sure the submissive is physically alright. It should also be a period of positive reinforcement, reassurance, and connection. The submissive is especially vulnerable in the period directly after a scene before they have regained their faculties. They need to feel safe, valued and cared for during this period so that the whole scene experience is a positive one.
Contact in the hours and days after a scene is essential to ensuring that the experience remains positive for the submissive. This does not simply mean casual contact, but rather being genuinely available and prepared to really listen and allow the submissive to express what they are feeling. Many times deep emotions come up during this period and by providing a receptive outlet for them, the Dom can help the submissive explore all the feelings conjured up during the scene and afterward and prevent them from festering and causing real damage.
Expression of positive reinforcement is one of the most crucial aspects of aftercare. With a few kind and loving words, a Dom can allow the submissive to feel pride in themselves. Express honest positive thoughts and emotions to them. Compliment them on how they did and what they did well. This single aspect of aftercare will have the greatest effect on avoiding severe mental sub drop and resulting after effects. Making the interaction between Dom and sub a positive experience can help minimize or prevent guilt or shame that might be felt later.
Above all, be there for each other. The drop is not limited solely to submissives, Doms can feel profound emotional drop as well and for similar reasons. It is crucial that the bond that brought you together to play in the BDSM space in the first place be maintained through the scene and well into the hours and days that follow. Be kind, loving and considerate to each other. Support one another and above all be patient. Handled properly, the drop can be averted or at least managed in such a way that both partners remain committed to one another and to not only continuing the D/s relationship but plummeting its depths still further.
Treat as you would hope to be treated.
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013
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Collaring: No, it isn’t just a fashion statement in BDSM...
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Posted:May 12, 2017 12:45 pm
Last Updated:May 16, 2017 6:34 am 8403 Views
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Collaring: No, it isn’t just a fashion statement in BDSM...
Wearing a collar is not just rockin’ a cool piece of BDSM jewelry.
Collaring is the term used by people in the D/s lifestyle to describe the beginning of a relationship between a Dom and a sub. A collaring ceremony is a display of the depth of commitment between the two people involved.
Wearing a collar is a privilege and honor. There are several different types of collars - each of them equally important, as a transitioning phase of the relationships.
Protection Collar:
This collar is used when a submissive is in a period of healing. A trusted Dom, who chooses to “protect” her may give her a collar, which she accepts to wear while she is in her/his healing process. There is no time frame on wearing a protection collar. It is there for as long as it is needed, to allow them the space to grow independently in a healthy and sane way.
Consideration Collar:
A consideration collar is often the first step in a new relationship between a Dom and sub. This collar is given, with a certain time frame that has been agreed upon, at the end of that time it can be renegotiated.
Both sides of the D/s can decide to move forward to the next step, or simply go their separate ways.
A consideration collar is not given or accepted capriciously, it represents more than just a casual interest. The Dom and sub should understand the meaning of this commitment.
Training collar:
A training collar is used as a phase in the stage of a relationship where the Dom and sub discover things about their personalities and characteristics, needs and desires as they grow into each other.
This is a time to make a compromise, and to accept the commitment behind being collared.
A training collar can also be used in another way. A Dom can give a training collar to a sub, in order to train and mentor her incorrect behavior and protocols while she is searching for her ideal Dom with whom she will then pursue a serious lifelong D/s relationship.
This sub is treated as if owned by the Mentoring Dominant, this is a huge responsibility and should never be taken lightly.
Formal collar:
A formal collar is the symbol of the bond and attachment between the Dom and sub and holds the same level of commitment and emotion as a wedding ring. It shows loyalty, mutual respect, and expresses the fact that the Dom and sub have the same ideals and desires to share their lives.
A formal collar is often given at a ceremony in front of friends and other D/s community members. It is a deeply emotional and heartfelt time, and it is an honor to be invited to collaring ceremony.
A collar is not just a fashion statement.
This piece of etiquette bears weight in our BDSM culture and should be treated with the utmost respect. However, you personally choose to use your D/s, do it with pride and hold what is special to standards that allow it to be.
All of this information can be found Here, as she says it much better than I ever could.
Other helpful links are
submissive: what it means to be collared
Dom: The meaning of the collar
What does the BDSM collar mean
As requested by some of the readers-
Play Collars:
These are used to be a functional item during a scene. They are typically removed after the scene is finished.
Collars used by other dynamics other than a D/s or M/s dynamic:
These collars are part of how this person may or may not identify in their particular role. This person may also be collared.
For people who want to wear them as a fashion statement: Do you. Do it up. This was only meant to reference what “collaring” is as in the act of being “collared” in the sense of a verb, the state of “being collared”, not in the noun sense of “the collar”.
There is a space where the purposeful collar and the fashion collar are in question with this. While I don’t know everything, I am just a girl after all… this is my opinion on the matter.
I think there is an important space for everything, but that is the thing isn’t… Everything has its space. Collaring and wearing a fashion collar, or wearing a collar as a kitten or puppy aren’t the same things. Each is valuable in their own space, each NEEDED and REQUIRED in their own space. This piece is about Collaring. The act of collaring someone/ being collared.
I love kittens and puppies and fashion. They deserve their own unique place to exist.  one all their own to shine. And if that puppy or kitten is collared, instead of wearing a collar… it will take on a whole new meaning.
~Library for Kinksters.
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Fellatio Tips...It Not All About Sucking....
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Posted:May 12, 2017 6:15 am
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2021 4:10 am 8250 Views
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Fellatio Tips...It Not All About Sucking....
I would like to note to all of you a popular misconception about blowjobs.
I believe the problem probably stems from our names and phrases for fellatio; “suck his cock,” “suck him off,’ etc.
Great oral skills actually don't include the sucking part. All the sucking does is bring blood to the surface of the penis and sometimes, in extreme cases give us cock hickeys. The PLEASURE of fellatio, what actually feels good is not the sucking part, it is having your inner cheeks, the roof of your mouth, lips, and tongue all making contact with the shaft, the more contact the better.
The girl in the GIF has it right, at least in my opinion. Nice firm hold on the base and deep strokes through the mouth to the throat, focusing on the tip. Past the tip of the penis, there are very few nerve endings to work with.
So remember you do NOT need to emulate a vacuum cleaner.
~Library for Kinksters
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D/s or Kinky Sex?...
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Posted:May 11, 2017 5:58 pm
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2021 4:03 am 8422 Views
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D/s or Kinky Sex?...
The most common saying in the BDSM world is “Safe, Sane and Consensual.”
{*** This is my point of view ***}
Being submissive and in a D/s relationship, one thinks that you - the sub, little, baby girl/boy - has no power. When actually that is a miss conceived oxymoron. You are the one with the power. You make the list of soft and hard limits. You establish the rules and boundaries. You have a safeword. You are the one who in the end of it all says “Yes, I submit.” But until that moment arises, you must remain strong, independent and constantly remind yourself of your self-worth. You are the only one who is going to stand up for yourself. Just because you are the submissive doesn’t mean you’re automatically someone’s plaything. You are not a pushover or an easy lay. You get to be super picky and you should be. This is Your Life. You get to make the decision/choice and it should not be an easy one.
The fact that you are in a D/s relationship does not mean that sex is all there is to it. It is still a relationship in which the vanilla world overlaps. Conversation and communication of your daily life and happenings are just as important. It plays into the D/s relationship through the mental aspect. If you had a bad or stressful day you must communicate that. Your frame of mind should always be high concern and priority of your Partner. You should always be able to have a conversation lasting more than just 60 minutes about something other than sex. If you can’t do that with your partner, it’s not a relationship, it’s just NSA kinky sex. So let’s say you met someone and you really seem to have a lot in common. Great! Hiking, camping, sports, fine wine, tv shows, music, movies…. Huh? You have no clue if they enjoy those things? WHY NOT?!? This is a relationship. Relationships start from friendships. Don’t you want to know something about this person to which you are submitting your sexual side too? If you don’t establish the friendship, how can you expect the relationship to last? Where do the respect and trust come from? You can’t just expect it to be there in the relationship from day one. It takes time, possibly months, for them to be established, grown and earned. Without these things, how can you think that they will be attentive to you, your wants and needs? Your safeword or your limits for that matter. And so it comes back to communication and conversation. Establishing a friendship. Being more than just a submissive bed buddy. Take your time with this process.
If at any point you are expected to go beyond your limits, are not taken seriously about concerns you have, your trust is broken, your safeword is ignored and/or you feel your life is in danger - Never Ever feel ashamed to ask for help and do it immediately. Even if you're just questioning the manner in which it happened, ASK! Your safety and well-being should always be the number one priority of any Sane Dom/Domme.
Now, some couples do take it a step farther than just Dom/sub. The next level, IF they both agree, would be Master/slave. And that my Dear… Is a whole other ball game.
–-Library for Kinksters
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10 Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship...
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Posted:May 11, 2017 11:10 am
Last Updated:May 12, 2017 2:13 pm 8589 Views
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10 Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship...
Long distance is tough, there’s no doubt about it. But it can be made less painful with these tricks:
1. Break it up. Say, for example, they’ve gone away to college in another city. Rather than thinking of it as four years apart, break it up by focusing on the next time you’ll see them. Maybe that’s only a month or two from now for thanksgiving. Doesn’t that sound way more manageable?
2. Embrace multimedia communication. No, you can’t see each other in person and that sucks. But you can text, email, Skype, send snail mail, etc. The more ways you utilize to talk the more fun and variety you’ll have in staying in touch.
3. Make plans to look forward to. Don’t just focus on seeing each other over Christmas. Make some fun and special plans for that time. This will give you something to look forward to and you can have fun talking about it and planning it together.
4. Use visuals. Send him a selfie of your new haircut instead of just emailing him about it. Or send her a picture of your new car. You’ll feel more like you’re right there with each other.
5. Mail packages. That’s right, snail mail. It’s fun to get mail and it takes that extra bit of effort to put a package together and send it which will make the recipient feel that much more special.
6. Have TV/movie dates. Just because you can’t cuddle on the couch that doesn’t mean you can't both watch the same movie while you’re on the phone or watch a TV show together and text through the commercials.
7. Make a relationship playlist. Listen to it when you miss each other or when you want to get psyched for their visit.
8. Keep busy. The time apart is guaranteed to drag by if you sit at home by yourself. Throw yourself into school or work and spend lots of time with your friends. If you keep your schedule packed they’ll be back before you know it.
9. Send quick messages. It’s great to talk on the phone for an hour every night but it’s also fun to send and receive little notes or texts throughout the day. Send funny thoughts, photos or just tell them that you’re thinking about them.
10.Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Use your time apart to remember all the great things that you love about each other. When you see each other again you will be even closer together than you were before and being together will be awesome.
~Library for Kinksters
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Limits in BDSM...
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Posted:May 11, 2017 10:49 am
Last Updated:May 12, 2017 5:43 am 7963 Views
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Limits in BDSM...
In every new relationship, at some point, the topic of limits will be discussed. What are your limits?
Everybody has limits, fact. It could be for health reasons, phobias, fear, safety, triggers or any other reason which is unappealing or disliked. If it is unacceptable, unappealing and unwanted it will be a limit. There will come a point in a relationship when something will become a limit. Think about this hypothetical scenario; a Dom suddenly decides he wants to see his sub-gang banged by a bar full of guys. Is that perfectly acceptable for him to do this without her consent? With no discussion or thought to her safety and wellbeing? What about her morals and ethics? Still okay with this scenario? She claims she has no limits, right?
For those who are uncertain or confused by what limits are, they are two main types - Hard and soft limits. A soft limit is something that may not be what you think you want at this time, but are willing to try in the right circumstance or with a particular Dominant. Or you would be willing for your Dom to persuade you in a scene if the conditions were suitable. A hard limit is something that should never be done under any circumstance. The line in the sand that is never to be crossed. As the relationship develops and a greater amount of trust is established, limits may very well change. What was once a hard limit may become something that is now pleasurable and part of a scene or may become a soft limit. Likewise, a soft limit may become a hard limit. In time, your risk levels will expand. For this reason, limits should be discussed from time to time to establish these new boundaries.
To establish limits and discover what your limits are, discuss what appeals to you and what you find unappealing. Whether or not you like or dislike an activity is a matter of personal choice, taste, and experience.For the new submissive, it’s important to look inside yourself and discover what your boundaries and limits are before searching for a partner. This could be absolutely anything you do not like, want, find appealing or whatever. Maybe you hate your feet been touched? Maybe being enclosed in a tight space because you suffer from claustrophobia? There are also the unwritten or obvious limits that need no written contract, which is anything illegal, animals, minors, etc. which are far outside the ‘moral’ code of human behavior and a D/s relationship. Basically, anything that is of no interest to either partner will be outside their boundaries and will not come into the dynamic and become absolutes.
Pre-arranged limits are different from personal limits. These are mutually agreed by both partners before a D/s relationship is entered into. These could include; no third parties allowed into the relationship, maximum number of people allowed to join a scene, etc. These lines are never to be crossed without a prior discussion at the very least.
Limits are also used to help determine compatibility when searching for a partner. A little may search for a Daddy Dom, but if the DD has a hard limit RE ageplay and that’s your kink… or maybe you don’t like pain and your new Dom has a limit that insists on sadism towards the sub. Again, communication is the way forward.
Limits can also be positive with regards to D/s. For example, a submissive may only enter into a scene (or relationship) with the strict instruction that a lot of spanking is to be included or she is not willing to participate (or enter into a relationship).
In a long term, well-established D/s relationship there very well may be ‘no limits’ because both partners have established enough trust within the relationship and stay within the boundaries of their dynamic. To them, they play safe, safe and consensually and never step outside of their comfort zone. They know what is and is not acceptable. They know their own kink is in sync and want the same experiences. There is a level of trust that exists between the two partners that they can say ‘we have no limits’ because every part of their relationship is tried and tested, they are in tune and they know each other extremely well. There is no ‘outside the box’ to their dynamic, everything remains within the confines of what has already been established. Technically, they both have limits. It’s just that they are so in sync together it just ‘appears’ that they have none.
Never say you do not have any limits. Would you like to be suffocated? Tortured? Sleep naked outside? Maybe have your Doms name tattooed on your forehead? Or branded? Now or somewhere in time, there will be something that you do not want or like or do not want to do. Know your limits and express them to your partner.
For the benefit of the reader. This article was written with the BDSM mantra of SSC, safe, sane and consensual in mind. It is for information purposes only. Take from this what you will. This is also gendered universal.
~Dominant Life
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Whips, chains and full of life:BDSM practitioners ‘healthier and less neurotic than vanilla peers...
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Posted:May 10, 2017 4:47 pm
Last Updated:Apr 23, 2021 3:49 am 7665 Views
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Whips, chains and full of life: BDSM practitioners ‘healthier and less neurotic’ than 'vanilla’ peers...
The bible of psychiatry says that kinky sex could be problematic, but a new study claims that whips, chains, and nipple clamps might actually be good for one’s health.
Practitioners of bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism (BDSM) feel more secure in their relationships, have a higher sense of well-being and are less neurotic than people who prefer tamer sex, according to a new study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Beyond that, members of the BDSM community tended to be more extroverted, were more open to new ideas and were less sensitive to rejection, according to study researcher Andreas Wismeijer, a psychologist at Nyenrode Business University in the Netherlands who conducted the research while at Tilburg University.
“[BDSM practitioners] either did not differ from the general population and if they differed, they always differed in the more favorable direction,” said Wismeijer according to LiveScience.
Wismeijer conducted his research by subjecting 902 BDSM practitioners and 434 non-BDSM participants to questionnaires that examined personality, sensitivity to rejection, style of attachment in relationships and overall well-being.
“We did not have any findings suggesting that people who practice BDSM have a damaged psychological profile or have some sort of psychopathology or personality disorder,” Wismeijer said.
While the researcher was reluctant to offer explanations for his findings, he did offer a few hypotheses.
For starters, BDSM practitioners tend to have a heightened awareness of their sexual needs and desires, so they might be able to build less frustrating relationships both inside and outside the bedroom when compared with their more “vanilla” peers.
Along the same lines, Wismeijer also suggested that accepting one’s unusual sexual preferences and choosing to live in a societal niche like the BDSM community might involve huge amounts of psychological work, which could translate into positive mental health.
Wismeijer’s study comes hot on the heels of the release of the newest version of the psychiatrists’ bible, the DSM-5, which classifies BDSM as an unusual sexual fixation.
This classification means that BDSM is a mental disorder only when it causes harm to the practitioner or to others.
While BDSM’s placement in the DSM seems damning, the tome has a checkered history when it comes to classifying sexual preferences. For example, in the DSM-1, printed in 1952, homosexuality was listed as a sociopathic personality disturbance, and it wasn’t removed from the DSM-2 until its seventh printing in 1974.
“I’m not so convinced that BDSM should be placed within the DSM-5,” Wismeijer said.
~Dominant Life
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10 Truths to Live By...
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Posted:May 10, 2017 9:55 am
Last Updated:Feb 5, 2022 4:41 am 9416 Views
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10 Truths to Live By...
1. It’s your life, not their life.
2. You’re stronger than you think.
3. You’re not the lies you believe about yourself.
4. You’re not your past – and your past is not your future.
5. No-one else is going to solve your problems for you.
6. You have the power to turn your life around.
7. You are worthy of success and you can reach your dreams.
8. Don’t put up with mistreatment and abuse.
9. Treat yourself with respect and require respect from others.
10. Keep searching till you find unconditional love; there are people who will love you just because you are you.
~Library for Kinksters..
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Your Vagina Is Not the Waffle House Menu...(Funny....But True)
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Posted:May 10, 2017 9:12 am
Last Updated:May 11, 2017 10:38 am 10759 Views
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Your Vagina Is Not the Waffle House Menu...(Funny ... But True)
Mmmmm… waffles
Have you ever really looked at a Waffle House menu?
Okay, let me back up. For those of you not familiar with Waffle House, it’s a chain of 24-hour restaurants that litter the American South. They are everywhere, and they occupy an unusual niche that makes them the favorites of small and drunkards. You can always get breakfast at a Waffle House, waffles and eggs any time of day or night. They also serve sandwiches and lunch fare – hell, they even have a steak, though I’ve never met anyone who’s eaten it.
But it’s not the waffles that make Waffle House famous. It’s the hashbrowns.
There’s an entire language of Waffle House hash browns. How do you like yours? Everyone in the South knows the answer to that question. First, they scatter the hashbrowns over the grill, then you can get them smothered in sautéed onions, covered in melted cheese, chunked with ham, diced tomatoes, peppered with jalapenos, capped with mushrooms, topped with chili, and recently “country” with sausage gravy. The permutations are endless. I’m a simple man. I like mine scattered and covered, extra crispy, please.
Wait, wasn’t this supposed to be about vagina? It is. Bear with me.
The Waffle House menu is like the one you’d find at an authentic Chinese restaurant that also caters to white people, which is to say that it is laminated and there are pictures on the menu of the important dishes. And here’s the crazy thing: when your order arrives, it looks exactly like the picture on the menu. If there are three slices of tomato in the picture, there are three slices on your plate, arranged in exactly the same way. That disturbingly semi-spherical scoop of butter pictured on the menu? It’s located in exactly the same spot on your waffle. Even the bacon has been tortured into unnatural flatness so it will perfectly resemble the menu.
Why? Why do they do this? There is a reason, I think, and this is where vagina comes in. Buckle your seatbelts, .
Why we can’t have nice things
I’ve learned a lot since I got into kink, and much of it has been disturbing. I’m not talking about the kinky stuff we like to do to each other, or that we like done to us. I like most of those things too, and what I don’t like I generally understand as part of the vast variety that makes us all human. No, the disturbing stuff is what I’ve learned about how we treat each other. Specifically, how men treat women.
If there’s anything that makes this community different from what we casually refer to as the “vanilla” world, it’s that we talk about things. Stuff your average vanilla person refuses to discuss on pain of death, we regard as appropriate dinner conversation. Most of us won’t play with someone without talking through subjects that would make vanilla folks run for the hills.
As a result, I’ve discovered that a lot of men treat women with a degree of contempt and hostility that I sometimes find hard to believe even though I was raised by three women who thought of themselves as feminists and a father who was shockingly progressive for someone who thought the proper medical treatment for any disease was to “walk it off.” If you listen to women talk about their experiences with men, you will hear these same stories, you will notice these same patterns.
Men seem very keen on criticizing women’s bodies, even (or especially) women with whom they’re having intimate relations. I have listened to countless women talk about their experiences having their bodies critiqued in moments of incredibly intimacy and vulnerability. More than one woman has told me that her first experience – her first moment – of being naked in front of a boyfriend involved him telling her what was wrong with her body. She takes her clothes off, he looks at her, and before he says anything else he says something like “your nipples are too big” or “wow, you’re fatter than you look with your clothes on.” Seriously. This is a thing that happens to many, many women.
This casual cruelty, this radically inconsiderate attitude men have regarding women and their bodies has taken a disturbing turn in recent years. It seems that so many men have criticized women’s genitals that there is a growing demand for cosmetic surgery to alter their appearance. In essence, women have been told by men that their genitals – specifically, in most instances, their labia – are dramatically out of the norm so often that many women are now seeking medical assistance to alter their bodies. And for every woman who seeks out labiaplasty, there are dozens of others who live in the silent conviction that something is monstrously wrong with their intimate appearance.
The thing is that very, very few men know anything at all about women’s bodies and what counts as normal for women. And many women are denied access to realistic images of female genitals by poor sex education, censorship, and Internet porn’s obsession with a unitary image of women’s genitals that most closely resembles that of certain prepubescent girls.
Remember those waffles?
Why? Why is this happening? There’s a lot to be said about that question, including a pretty serious discussion of patriarchy and how we raise boys. But I think a lot of it has to do with our love of “normal,” our desire to be comforted by the familiar and the expected.
And that’s why Waffle House is so keen for its food to resemble the pictures on the menu.
Waffle House, like so many other restaurant chains in the United States, has figured out that people like predictability. They like going into a restaurant, no matter where it is in the country or the world, and finding the same items on the menu. They are comforted by being able to eat a hamburger at a McDonalds in Atlanta and having it taste exactly the same as a hamburger they ate at a McDonalds in Portland or Phoenix or Hong Kong. Their tensions are eased when their Waffle House bacon arrives in the same preternaturally flattened condition as that bacon they saw on the menu when they ordered breakfast.
We have a strong desire to regularize our lives, to control the chaos of living by making everything feel predictable, and thus safe. And so we delude ourselves into believing that the state of nature – or the “proper” state of the world, however, we think of that – involves smoothness and similarity and lack of variation.
But the world is not the Waffle House menu. Women’s bodies, like the bodies of all humans, are infinitely variant. That is, to my way of thinking part of their great beauty. There is no “normal” size of labia, no secret moral hierarchy of female genital appearance to which everyone should aspire. Porn is not some kind of documentary, with women carefully chosen as a representative sample of human anatomy.
And if that bothers you, if you’re the sort of person who really fucking loves that flat bacon, just remember one thing. People love the hashbrowns more than anything else at the Waffle House, yet they are the one thing that never, ever looks like the picture on the menu. The hashbrowns in the Waffle House menu pictures are these neat, ordered, flat little hockey pucks of comforting regularity, but what you actually get on your plate is a chaotic mess of shredded potato and whatever unholy combination of ingredients you like. Seriously, sausage gravy? On hashbrowns? You people are sick.
I don’t begrudge anyone their preferences. I’m in love with variety, but even I can understand genuinely liking or disliking a particular form of anatomy. But have some perspective. Men need to learn consideration and politeness and a bunch of other things. Women should not be made to feel monstrous. Enjoy the flat bacon, if that’s what floats your boat. But embrace the chaos of the hashbrowns, whether it is about yourself or someone you’re with.
~Dominant Life
~ElijahSnow4
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