Talk, Talk, Talk...
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Posted:Jan 26, 2024 6:39 am
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2024 12:40 am 7067 Views
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“She talked a lot. Not a lot like annoying a lot, just a lot. She filled our conversations with wondrous insight and perspectives. Interesting thoughts on music and movies, which fashion trends were worthy of discussion, recipes that made my mouth water, places she had visited, and interesting people she had learned from, as well as animal husbandry and interior design, and sexual freedom. Politics never really were in her wheelhouse, too stuffy, nor were the darker bits of the nightly news, too heartbreaking. She was passionate, boisterous, and loud. A staunch advocate of honesty and vulnerability, and proudly championed the idea of happiness being an inside job. She talked a lot, and I hung on every single word.”
— @daily-esprit-descalier
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D/s Breakups: Coping with Release: The End of the D/s Relationship
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Posted:Jan 25, 2024 4:24 am
Last Updated:Jan 25, 2024 10:39 am 6274 Views
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Relationships end. Sometimes through the willful choice of both partners, other times one may ask for or be released. In either case, the ending of a relationship is painful. In my opinion, many D/s relationships tend to function in a deeper response zone in the psyche. I have been getting numerous letters recently asking me about coping in the aftermath. Both from Dominant's and from submissives. What kind of aftercare should exist? What obligations continue even after the relationship has ended?
Many people seem to believe that the Dominant side of the relationship 'feels' less than the submissive side. I believe the investment in time, energy, and emotion is at least equal. Being Dominant does not exclude one from all of the emotional states and reactions found in anyone else. In addition, the Dominant tends to invest portions of their ego or view of self in the ownership and control of their submissive. A sudden release (especially if it originates from the submissive) can thrust the Dominant into feelings of self-doubt, (did they fail to meet the needs of their submissive?), embarrassment, (how will their reputation fare over this failure?), guilt, (did something I do cause this?). All of these are coupled with the normal feelings that accompany a loss.
A submissive being dismissed faces equally devastating feelings. Many tend to focus blame upon themselves when in fact the ending of the relationship may not have anything to do with anything they can control. They may feel discarded, used, reduced, and even toyed with. Coping with these feelings which may also include personal betrayal can be very hard. A submissive can invest everything in their belief in their Dominant. That investment may be poorly placed in some cases. Coping with all these feelings can seem insurmountable. In addition, some Dominants choose to take away all independence from their submissives, including credit, checking accounts, income, etc. A sudden release can leave such a submissive destitute (sometimes with ). It is my sincere suggestion that a submissive should consider a Dominant who plans for that submissive's future to be one worthy of consideration. The dominant cannot control the possibility of their sudden death and should promote within their submissive (whom they cherish) a continuity of stability. This means independent credit, funds, income, insurance, medical, etc. Those who do not can subjugate those submissives and to a homeless state should something happen. A Dominant should not fear the loss of control of their submissive through these actions. It is a method of inspiring respect. Not the opposite.
The severance of a relationship is a loss. Many people, experience it much like death. In a relationship, they may invest their hopes, dreams, desires, expectations, and plans for the future. They probably have invested time, money, and effort as well. Many have made great changes to be 'with' this person and at that point, it may appear to them to have been a waste. In addition, in some ways, the D/s realm contains an inordinate amount of hope. I sometimes call this 'the promise'. When we are young we create an image of 'the one'. That special person with whom we will find pleasure, laughter, and a shoulder to cry on. With a relationship, we invest in 'the promise'. When that 'promise' breaks, we feel cast away or discarded. These emotions and feelings flow to both sides of a relationship. It is my view that D/s requires both people to invest more, trust, respect, accountability, and responsibility.
It is impossible to offer a wide range of 'absolutes' when considering how best to cope with such events. The variables among us are too great for one thing to work for everyone. However, I do believe that the person initiating the breakup should perhaps just sit down and communicate to their partner in non-inflammatory words why or how they have reached this point. I believe that understanding, even when it is painful, aids in healing. It is better to know than to guess. In addition, I think it is important for both people to attempt to maintain a modicum of personal dignity, respect, and care for their ex-partner. It is not necessary for there to be hurtful words, denigration, or disrespect. This is someone you once loved or thought you loved. They may become a lifelong friend or they may move off into different paths. Closure in an adult fashion is the least hurtful to both.
Expect to feel anger, hurt, pain, depression, and sorrow in the aftermath. Expect healing to take a long time. It is important to have friends outside of your former mate to talk to and express your feelings. If your depression is very deep then you should access a competent psyche professional for therapy and help. Consider it similar to mourning a death. It will take time and effort to recover.
If you are a submissive who has asked for a release. Even if this is your decision you will feel all the same emotions of loss and anguish. You may know your reasons and have considered everything thoroughly but you will still face the emptiness and a hollow feeling of abandonment. As I have noted elsewhere, a submissive and a Dominant 'bond' to each other in ways beyond love or even a vanilla marriage. This bond may or may not end even when you make the 'mental' decision to leave. You may still experience the same needs and desires. You may find yourself vacillating even though you know that the relationship is not forward-moving for you or positive. A Dominant can feel these same connectors. In addition, many will feel a continued obligation to 'protect' submissives long after that submissive has moved away into other relationships. The linkage may never truly end and that is something that both sides need to be cognizant of especially if their relationship moves into one of friendship. It can be easy to slip back into familiar roles later on when other traumas occur in their lives and they look to those they care about to help them through it.
Maintaining access to old relationships is a dual consideration. It can be harmful if that access in any way disrupts or is destructive to your current relationship. It can be positive if the people involved can reorient their language and behavior so that it becomes neutral.
Perhaps the hardest relationships to cope with are those that are based on flawed understanding. People tend to hear what they want to hear and ignore what they do not want to hear. They can build up a new relationship into something huge when it has not earned the right to be considered that way. For some, this may be meeting someone once or twice then nothing. Contact ends or responses become short and unemotional. At that point, the person will feel that they have been used. It becomes obvious to them that 'their' perception of the nature of the relationship is very different than the person they have invested in. This creates huge feelings of self-doubt in their judgment. These types of things cannot be completely avoided as we are not telepathic nor can we always discern the lies from the truth. However, whenever possible both people should proceed slowly. There is no rush to play. If a person is real, time is the friend. If they are into 'getting their needs met, there will be intense pressure to play quickly. So, avoid that pressure. If that pressure is coming from you, examine it to see if you are being honest with your partner. If you are being pressured 'to play right away, step back and see if that meets your ideas or goals. If you are into short-term casual play state it honestly. There is no shame in wanting what you want. There is shame in lying to get what you want at the expense of other people's feelings.
Mistress Steele~
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It's Never Too Late....
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Posted:Jan 24, 2024 1:56 am
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2024 12:16 pm 5608 Views
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For what it’s worth it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.
~Eric Roth
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It's Been Too Long...
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Posted:Jan 22, 2024 4:07 am
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2024 3:58 am 6126 Views
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When of the best parts of a D/s relationship is just reaching out and grabbing someone. the hair, ass, hip, or hand; roughly or sweet and soft: any and all options are perfect because you get that little startled reaction that turns into a smile as they stumble into being pressed against you. And when you kiss them afterward… Slow and sensual? Hard and needy? A little gentle kiss on the tip of the nose or forehead or the sort of kissing that leaves them moaning and grinding into your thigh? It doesn’t matter what kind of kiss it is. The treasure is that smile you get afterward, and the look in their eye telling you they’re yours.
It's been too long...
~lovethythrall
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~Sunday Sway
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Posted:Jan 20, 2024 10:22 pm
Last Updated:Jan 21, 2024 6:06 pm 6376 Views
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* Have You Seen Me Lately? ~ Counting Crows ~ Live Across A Wire ( Live In NYC)
* Trapped ~ Bruce Springsteen ~ The Essential Bruce Springsteen
* Nutshell ~ Alice In Chains ~ Jar Of Flies
* Cautionary Tale ~ Dylan Le Blanc ~ Cautionary Tale
* Fell On Black Days ~ Soundgarden ~ Superunknown
* Can't Find My Way Home ~ Blind Faith ~ Blind Faith
* Tweeter And The Monkey Man ~ Traveling Wilburys~ The Traveling Wilburys Vol. I
* Ten Years Gone ~ Jimmy Page & The Black Crowes~ Live At The Greek
* That Glow ~ St. Paul & The Broken Bones ~ Half The City
* Hell Come~ Leiliana Wolfgramm ~ I Burn
* Fire ~ Jimi Hendrix ~ Are You Experienced?
Have You Seen Me Lately ~ Counting Crows
Get away from me, just get away from me
This isn't gonna be easy, but I don't need you
Believe me
Yeah, you got a piece of me
But it's just a little piece of me
And I don't need anyone
And these days, I feel like I'm fading away
Like sometimes when I hear myself on the radio
Have you seen me lately?
Have you seen me lately?
Have you seen me lately?
I was out on the radio, starting to change
Somewhere out in America, it's starting to rain
Could you tell me the things you remember about me?
And have you seen me lately?
I remember me and all the little things that make up a memory
Like she said she loved to watch me sleep
Like she said
"It's the breathing, it's the breathing in and out and in and..."
Have you seen me lately?
Have you seen me lately?
Have you seen me lately?
I was out on the radio, starting to change
Somewhere out in America, it's starting to rain
Could you tell me the things you remember about me?
And have you seen me lately?
You know, I thought that someone would notice
I thought somebody would say something if I was missing
Can't you see me?
Come on, color me in
Come on, color me in
Come on, color
Come on, come on, come on, come on
Give me your blue rain
Give me your black sky
Give me your green eyes
Come on, give me your white skin
Come on, give me your white skin
Come on, give me your white skin
'Cause I was out on the radio, starting to change
Somewhere out in America, it's starting to rain
Could you tell me the things you remember about me?
And have you seen me lately?
Have you seen me lately?
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah
Have you seen me lately?
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10
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Sunrise, Sunrise.
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Posted:Jan 19, 2024 1:42 am
Last Updated:Jan 22, 2024 2:55 am 7197 Views
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"There is a moment in every dawn when light floats, and there is the possibility of magic. Creation holds its breath.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Photo Taken By : Me
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25
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A Well Read Submissive..
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Posted:Jan 18, 2024 2:26 am
Last Updated:Jan 24, 2024 1:08 am 7831 Views
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I love intelligent girls. Absolutely adore them. And I find those who are passionate about reading and writing share a common thread. They all yearn for an equally intelligent Dominant who can reach deep into their erotic “centers”, rip the pages from their fantasies, and give them a lifetime of living, breathing memories.
An intelligent submissive appreciates the beauty of the dance on the fringe. She is a strong, independent, talented, capable woman in her own right, yet she hungers for a Dominant who can fuck her mind long before he touches her body. She needs a man who can respect her as an intellectual equal but effortlessly assume his role as Dominant - the only man she would ever consider yielding to. For her, this need is utterly palpable. She can feel his hands through his words, his voice, and his instruction.
And herein is my secret insight. Intelligent, gifted submissives are the naughtiest, sluttiest, hungriest girls imaginable. They can give themselves completely up to the man they trust and respect and go places they do not yet know they are capable of going. They are insatiable once leashed (note the irony). And they hunger to experience whatever their man challenges them with and sate him with the gift of their bodies and their talents.
*Author Unknown
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24
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Time
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Posted:Jan 18, 2024 1:56 am
Last Updated:Apr 4, 2024 1:47 am 7205 Views
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The future is fastidious and punctual. It keeps perfect time and arrives everywhere on the dot. In contrast, its slacker brother, the past has no use for clocks or appointments. It comes and goes as it pleases, in our memory, camping out wherever the hell it damn well wants to in there. Untrustworthy, prone to exaggeration, biased— you wouldn’t lend it ten cents, but it sure can be charming and seductive when it feels like it.”
~Jonathan Carroll
*Archive
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What I’ve Learned As A Plus Size Girl That’s Into D/s
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Posted:Jan 15, 2024 3:49 am
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2024 7:40 am 9107 Views
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1. I am not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay.
Okay, ladies, it's honesty time. I’m a bigger girl. I have thighs, hips, and large breasts. Not everyone is going to be down with that. Those who do stick around are those who matter. So what if you have a tummy and like to be tied up? I promise some guy somewhere will love every inch of you.
2. I don’t look like most porn photos.
You know exactly what I am talking about. The photos that flood your feed, my feed, and even pictures you may have on your blog. Scantily clad women with svelte, slim bodies, flat tummies, skinny thighs, a tight butt, and not even a hint of cellulite. Let me tell you a little tip though…NO ONE looks like that. Even the models don’t look like that. Photoshop is magic.
P.S. This applies to men too. Not all of you have a six-pack, chiseled jawlines, and perpetually wear a suit…but guess what? You’re still hot!
3. I will get criticized for my size.
This is no secret. I can’t tell you how many times I have been told I need to lose weight or “Sorry but I’m not into fat girls”. Oh well, your loss. Trust me it sucks but as I said before someone will love your tummy, big butt, thick thighs, cellulite, and rolls. Someone out there thinks you are the sexiest thing to walk this earth.
4. I am just as sexy as anyone else. Being plus size is beautiful. So what if you have a few extra pounds? Love the body that you're in, and others will too.
5. D/s is for everyone!
I’ve been told several times that due to being bigger, I will never find a Sir/Daddy/Master. This is simply not true. I have found a few. I’ve been into D/s for about 25 years now and men find no problems with me being plus-sized. Well, some have but they don’t matter. Whether you are a size 2 or 22 D/s is for you.
6. Not all littles are “little”.
I am not a little, I have little tendencies but I have seen so many pics on DD/lg blogs where all the girls are tiny and cute. Well, guess what you can be cute and little and still have a tummy. Daddy will love you just the same.
7. Porn is unrealistic so stop stressing.
Porn is pretty to look at and fun to watch but we all know that it isn’t real. It’s a fantasy. It’s a perfect dream scenario. It can be a guideline and a fun way to get ideas but it will never be 100% accurate. Laugh at your mistakes and imperfections. Sex is supposed to be fun. If you have never laughed during sex you are having bad sex. So what if you can’t twist your body like that? You are a person, not a pretzel.
8. Beauty is only skin deep.
Cliché but true. There is so much more to beauty, love, and D/s than what your body looks like. Men want real—honest, smart, funny, loyal, etc. Yeah, a hot body catches the eye but a charming personality ignites the soul.
9. Love yourself.
Another cliché but an important one. Take it from someone who has been there. Dom’s HATE when their sub talks down about themselves. It hurts them in more ways than you know. 1. It hurts because they love you and you can’t see that you are gorgeous to them. 2. They feel like a failure. When a sub is down on herself, a Dom feels like he has failed her. A Dom wants his sub to feel loved, cherished, and important. If she is upset about how she looks he feels like he has let her down. Also, self-love is important because you know the saying “You must love yourself before you love anyone else”.
10. I’m a confident, sexy, beautiful, plus-sized submissive, and I KICK-ASS!!!
Hell yes. I am plus-sized but so the fuck what? I’m hot as hell. I am smart, funny, sarcastic, strong, and one hell of a conversationalist. I am not what the porn industry would make you believe submissive looks like but I still kick just as much ass as those women do. No matter your size BDSM is for all. Be confident. Be sexy. Be beautiful. Stay Kinky.
*Author Unknown
*Archive
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