Healing Betrayal For The Holidays
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Posted:Nov 23, 2023 10:03 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 8:19 pm 10375 Views
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The last time Isabelle had stepped off the train in the beautiful country that her husband had called home, it had been a different trip and feeling. Then she was a newly bereft widow, and her world had come crashi9ng down around her, only to find she wasn't the same person anymore. Grief envelops a person, until it spits them back out to an unrecognizable reflection. It is the greatest measure of selfishness, if such exists.
Isabelle spotted her on the platform and waved excitedly. However, when Izzy had left home the day before, she and her mother had a clearing of facts. Her mother would rehash details of events, and so she began to talk about going to the doctor for depression during her and Izzy's decade long silence.
"I went and was hysterically crying to him. When he asked me what had happened, I told him how it had occurred. I was confused, as it was the second time you had decided to cut off from me" The older woman said in a victim like manner.
"Let's be clear mother, I want you to stop repeating this victimized shit. You know exactly what had happened! You overstepped my boundary by a mile, when you downloaded my hard drive and shamed me in front of the family. I mean let's be real, it was no different than a gay being investigated and made to come out to their parents. " Isabelle snipped and held her stare into her mother's eyes.
"Well, I could have done differently I'm sure" She said in defense of herself
"We all could have handled things differently, which is why this topic should be buried a while longer. But, do not ever place blame solely on me again, as if you played no0 part." Isabelle had calmed but remained firm in her resolve.
The older woman sat stunned, and Isabelle continued, "To this day, I lock my door to my room because of that action. You will never know how much it traumatized me "
Isabelle released the conversation again. Her mother nodded and agreed, but with a sadness because she knew what she had done
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Izzy went back to cooking the holiday meal. She smiled inside and felt relieved to finally say those words. She felt redemption and empowerment start to transition the shame she had held as traces of pain in her gut and head.
This was the beginning of healing that had taken 14 years to happen...How fitting for a Thanksgiving.
Song for this post
Merry Christmas From The Family - Earl Keene
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A Good Dose Of Humility Makes The Pain Go Down
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Posted:Nov 8, 2023 10:01 am
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 7:48 am 6858 Views
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inside the rented resort room, a glowing hot pink light illuminated everything in sight, including Isabelle. Her skin had a warm pink tint as well. She danced about the room, singing along with the hip hop tune blasting out of the modern sound system. She sang along and steadily got beautiful for the tall man sitting on the patio in the ocean breeze,
This was their second go round, The first time, he had abruptly cut it off for three weeks, He ghosted her and she tormented herself over why? However, she did not pick up the phone to call. She waited to see what would happen. That Monday, he called. She did as her mom had taught her and played it right, waiting two hours before returning the call.
What she had not anticipated is, he would replay the same cycle on her...Five days later, he would ghost her again. Isabelle had fallen for his wiles, his charm, his sexual energy which matched her own. Then he did as most insecure players will do, and he played out the ruse, the gaslighting, and did it with finesse, because he was an absolute expert by this point.
She would sit in this floor, in a mere 48 hours, and be a wrecked ball of emotion....
But for tonight, she sang and danced as if she were free to be blissfully happy. It would side swipe her and give her a good dose of humility, since no one had ever held the record of breaking men's hearts as Isabelle had. Sometimes, we need a little heartbreak to make us bearable to others. Isabelle needed just that, and got it.
Song for this post
A lil bit - 50 Cent
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The End Game Part 2
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Posted:Oct 28, 2023 1:07 pm
Last Updated:Feb 15, 2024 2:07 am 9922 Views
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A couple weeks had passed since the hold up scene had occurred. Her ex-partner and Isabelle shared the same supplier, which had been a point of connection that Isabelle was wary of. No matter how much the big man said that he would handle it, she knew it could be a bad decision.
She was at her home base of a bar one night and the two of them walked in to shoot pool. She was courteous as usual, but reserved. Once the ex-partner got drunk, the trouble started. He began running his mouth loudly and incessantly. Isabelle remained calm and tried to ignore. But, he kept on and on....ranting almost.
Finally, she said loud and clear, "Marcus, shut your fucking mouth."
It was like gasoline on a fire, he exploded with a slew of threats. He got in her face, spittle hitting it as he declared she was soon dead. She remained stoic until the threat, and then slowly spoke through her teeth, "Get out of my fucking face."
He continued and she turned to his face and yelled, "Suck my dick you absolute twit!"
He lurched forward and Ty's hand encircled his neck tightening, "If you touch a hair on her head, you're gone" Ty shoved him back against the wall.
Marcus straightened himself and declared he was leaving.
After he Left, Marcus texted Ty:
On my life my brother, she is going to get you popped. And I will not be there to help out.
Ty and Isabelle continued to play pool, eased by the absence of Marcus. Isabelle went to take a drink from her cocktail and looked out the window, hearing sirens approaching. She got that faint tingle and peered into the dark, only to see six police cars pulling in to block off the entrance to the parking lot. She froze, as did Ty. Four heavily armed police jumped out of their cars aiming and flashlights upon them illuminating Ty's parked car. Isabelle's mouth dropped open in disbelief. It was like watching a movie.
They circled the vehicle, peering into his windows.
"Oh my god Ty, what the fuck is going on?" She was overwhelmed.
Ty had frozen, standing watching intently through the smoky glass "I don't know ma"
"That little motherfucker called them didn't he?" Isabelle muttered
"Thank fuck you aren't in that car Ty! Don't you dare go out there. I'll get you out of here" Isabelle scanned the bar for the best way out.
She tugged on his shirt and they Went to the back and he stopped her. "I have to face it if they come in. They already have my car." Ty solemnly stated
"Is it clean?" Isabelle hoped out loud his answer would be yes, and it was
She quietly nodded to Ty, "But I am not. I have to go my friend. I'll see you when I see you" She scurried through the kitchen, out the back and into the cloak of darkness
Song for this post
For the Love of Money - O' Jays
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The End Game
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Posted:Oct 27, 2023 10:13 am
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2023 2:09 pm 9406 Views
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Isabelle had learned the hard way that the game had changed. Players were not living by the same rules any longer. She picked up her partner that night and knew something felt off, but she couldn't put her finger on it.
After they both had a buzz, he mentioned going to the strip bar for a nightcap and to do some business. On the way there, he mentioned his ex girlfriend would be there. The warning siren went off in Isabelle's head.
"Nah, I'm gonna take a rain check, just drop me at the apartment" She stated calmly.
"What the fuck mami? I'm getting tired of your insecurity" He cockily stated.
"That has nothing to do with it. I simply avoid drama" Isabelle retorted calmly again
"Just give me back my investment. I'm done with this" He popped off at her.
"Fine, in the morning when we aren't drinking, I will give it to you" She flat stated.
He continued to mouth off at her while she packed a few things in the car from the hideout. She sat in the car to pull off and a large Suburban blocked her into the parking space. The girlfriend hopped out along with two other large females. Isabelle tried to access how to escape as the girlfriend began hitting her window telling her to get out. Isabelle stared her into her eyes and said clearly "Nah we're not doing that"
The little Napoleon strutted about telling the girls not to let her out of the parking lot until she gave over every cent she had. He ran back into the house and came out brandishing a weap.on. Isabelle stared in disbelief at him, and then the anger came across her face.
She mouthed the words at him "I'm calling the police" She looked down at her phone and punched in 911.
He kept barking at the girls "Nah, she aint gonna call them. She's holdin and dirty"
Isabelle looked down at the phone and pushed Send. An operator picked up and they could hear her telling the operator to hold on. Then they scattered, moving the Suburban and letting her out. Isabelle kept the operator on the phone until she backed up and turned around with a squeal of tires.
"Thank you so much for being there for me. I am safe now and going home" Isabelle said. with thankfulness, to the operator as she hung up.
Tears started falling down her cheeks when she realized how close she was to being dead in that moment. She drove to the house and parked the vehicle, got out with her legs still trembling, and walked in quietly dead bolting the door behind her. It would be a sleepless night looking out of windows and awaiting the retaliation, sure to come.
She repeatedly shook her head while thoughts ran amok "Why would any man sign up for this bullshit?" She mumbled to herself before falling asleep armed and ready.
Song for this post
If I Die Young - Tupac & Eminem
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How is it Being in the Beautiful People Club?
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Posted:Oct 22, 2023 11:41 pm
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2023 4:25 am 13267 Views
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"Beauty is how you feel on the inside. It reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical"
Sophia Loren
Being beautiful isn't a bowl of ripe juicy peaches with whipped cream on top. It is probably difficult to grasp that having advantages would be difficult. It's likely to be double difficult to imagine not appreciating the perks of being attractive - Or, denying it to the point of despising one's own looks and feeling as if the burden society heaps is unbearable. From Disney on up, we are indoctrinated that to be beutiful is to be successful and loved. However, most attractive people do not necessarily feel they are and might even dismiss any compliments given to them.
If you are beautiful, you will:
1. Never have many friends, nor be able to gauge if they are loyal, true, and reliable.
2. Never be able to have a harmonious work place without drama, jealousy, and power struggle
3. Always be pressured to the point of discomfort by men/women who want to have relationships/sex with you.
4. Always have to prove your trustworthiness of girlfriends who have men and avoid their improper advances
6. Be the target of people trying to hook up with you with no commitment to a relationship.
8. Cause your love interests to be insecure in your shadow in public, with no intention to do so.
9. Get positions in companies that others can't get and make more, but you will likely lose those jobs because of jealousy and deceit from those around you
10, Cause others to automatically assume your intelligence will be less
Statistically the beautiful people will make 4% - 8% more in their careers and be hired first, But, they will also be 10 times more likely to be treated poorly. They will experience more harassment and stalking by interested people who will turn on them like a snake in the grass, unexpected and too much to handle. Beautiful ones will also suffer a great loss mentally when they start to show age. It is so much harder to know privilege and have it stripped away, than to never know privilege at all.
" You see, anyone can see a pretty girl, but its takes special people to see an old lady, and to be able to see the pretty woman she must have been. "
Anonymous
Its time we start giving merit to those who are beautiful inside rather than outside. This would solve both sides of the equation's challenges,
Song for this post
Beautiful People -Ed Sheeran & Khalid
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The Game Changer Epiphany
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Posted:Oct 10, 2023 8:38 am
Last Updated:Oct 27, 2023 10:38 am 11257 Views
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Epiphany is a glorious feeling. I suppose that's why they give it such a spiritual sounding name. I had such a name hit me this morning in an A'HA forehead slapping way. And it could only be achieved by me having a submissive that wasn't involved in sex, imagine that.
Submissives typically do have character flaws that need management and guidance. This is the fuel that feeds the newly acquired Dominant. It keeps the Dominant actively engaged, while the submissive strives to meet the bar, and alter their negative behaviors' to a positive outcome. This continues on, throughout the relationship, as the dance we do. But, a Dom can only improve her so much, and then what do they do?
I finally figured out why my best friend, a widowed slave, and myself have moved onto a different phase in our journey. We no longer need that constant guidance and training. After 20+ years, it becomes trivial to two grown ass women. It is why the natural progression was to become more dominant, and explore those depths. To hone skills that were from the other side, allowed us both to continue to grow, and not become stagnant.
This is not to say, that certain dominant males could not achieve the position in modified form. However, the novice days are long gone, as are the chaotic lives, and people we used to be. Besides, I truly believe we make better dommes than we would have ever been, had we not submitted first. We've seen the whole puppet show, not just the players or the puppeteer. Walking in someone's shoes, makes all the difference in how you handle the road from then on.
Just my two cents 
Song for this post
Old Enough - The Raconteurs with Ashley Monroe
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The Sexiest MF
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Posted:Oct 6, 2023 8:47 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 5:45 pm 8572 Views
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Isabelle stretched her body into this sexy little pose as she bent over the pool table. Her ass would push higher and accentuate the soft curve in her back. Across from her side, stood a fine looking black man, with an intensity to his presence. He surveyed her body while she wasn't looking. A smile crept at the corners of his mouth.
Then he noticed Isabelle's intense stare at the billiard balls, and their scattered layout. He was surprised as her stroke was perfection, and she easily made the balls, one after the other. He smiled and nodded appreciative of her talent. When she looked up, it caught her breath in her throat, but she made sure he didn't catch her.
"So, tell me, What is ithis I hear there's something about you that makes men completely lose their minds? Is this a witchcraft, or magic spell, you cast on them?" He asked in a smooth tone of voice as a sense of pride and blush crawled across her soft cheeks, accentuated by high cheek bones. She licked her pouty full lips, wetting and leaving them with a glistening play of seduction.
Isabelle paused, and a smirk appeared, while the words effortlessly fell out as a breathy enticement. Her honesty came as effortlessly as the words had. They draped over him, like caramel drizzle on top of a mound of whipped cream.
"I call it the pussy craft" Isabelle said the words with a sassy flirtatious nature.
His sincere chuckle put her at ease,
"Is that so madame?" He flirted back
" I don't boast but, maybe you should ask anyone who acts crazy over me" Her sassy little reply made him full out laugh. He still managed to win the game, impressing her further. Every time she saw him, her need to talk to him grew and grew, like a vine taking over and unstoppable.
When leaving, they met and hugged as if it were the most natural action in the universe. One of those comfortable hugs that lingers...His audible sound of pleasure resonated deeply. She turned to walk away, and in her pretty little head, her inner voice spoke. "Mmmhmmm that's right girl, keep walking. He's watching but don't look. The way you act, that motherfucker would rip that heart apart"....Per usual, Isabelle listened halfway and still her mind went there the next time she pleasured herself. She imagined those hands on her breasts, the feel of his skin....The feel of his sex
Song for this post
Sexy MF - Prince
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I Thought You Knew
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Posted:Oct 4, 2023 5:41 am
Last Updated:Oct 20, 2023 5:02 am 7964 Views
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I'm not ready for love,
I thought you knew
Or, was it that with me,
there was peace and no more stressing
And did you really think that I was yours?
Your person?
Your blessing?
I told you already, baby
I hope you learned your lesson
And, I want to make love with no feelings,
I'm trying to treat you like a King,
with no attached strings,
It's kind of like,
Singing off key
I want love but,
don't put a lock on it...
And, you better treat me like a Queen,
But, I'm gonna do as I please,
And, no you cannot stop me
But, I better not find out
Who you are doing and screwing,
I'm territorial,
So, maybe in my mind,
I'm losing,
If it's another woman you are choosing
I want love
But, I'm toxic
And, I'm trying to do better
But, I cannot stop it
And, I might miss out on the person
I'm gonna really rock with
But, I'd rather not really hold you to a standard
Because, my love has been tampered
Like, when I'm all in,
people seem to scatter
I thought I told you
I'm not looking for love
I'm healing
And no, I'm not willing to be the woman you'd marry
Because, for me,
Love can be scary
And no, I did not anticipate on hurting you
But, I warned you...
I'm not ready for love,
I thought you knew
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Being Too Much Woman In A Man's World
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Posted:Sep 28, 2023 5:05 am
Last Updated:Nov 10, 2023 8:44 am 7958 Views
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Isabelle had become more and more cynical as each male disappointed her with their brash disregard for ethics.
They disliked her classiness, for they had to meet the standard she set.
They belittled her for her endless talents and creativity, theirs would never match her depth.
They scorned her for her game, which made her one of the most successful female hustlers on the beach.
They despised her ability to whip them in billiards, as if she were cheating them out of a male legacy to beat women in the sport.
They detested her ability to outwit them in banter or knowledge of "male interests", like politics, classic cars, and most definitely kink.
They loathed her beauty, for it showed their insecurities and disbelief in deserving a real Queen.
All of her traits were tantalizing to their desires, in the beginning. But, Isabelle waited with baited breath, for the guillotine's sharp whooshing descent, as the blade cut through air, and anything in its path. She could feel the shift in energy. And, although she tried to tell them,, they never heeded her advice, nor accepted their own flaws as the causation.
Isabelle spoke with her one male confidant one night
"I am cursed to never get the healing shelter my heart and soul needs." She lamented over her martini.
"But you have me" Adam popped off at her with those puppy eyes
"Oh Adam, I wish that cured my aching heart and my need for love"
Isabelle rose and straightened her cashmere sweater at the bottom from sitting. She tossed her hair back and walked out to get into into her little red corvette. The engine cranked smoothly before revving to take off.
Song for this post
This is a Man's World - Joss Stone and James Brown
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Surviving a Crash of Universes
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Posted:Sep 23, 2023 5:42 am
Last Updated:Feb 7, 2024 1:52 pm 5742 Views
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Divorce leaves you mourning the death of the living, which is how the saying, divorce is worse than death, came to be. As a divorcee and a widow, I attest that the two cannot be compared, as they are not in competition. They are both loss, and the impacts depend on the elements involved. What they have in common is the element of love, and the depth of that part is a layer or layers to the onion. Either one will produce changes in you because loss is the main catalyst of change.
Death has finality. There will never be a chance to have the moments back, so you give up on contemplating it. Divorce means that betrayal of being left is remembered and hope remains while that person is alive. However delusional you may be in hoping, it still exists, someone can cling to hope as a cure.
It is the mourning the living part that I think causes people to abandon relationships at the outset, and especially when falling in love is imminent.
A very brilliant writer, Mr. Max Faust whom I once knew intimately, described falling in love, as a collision course of universes, where death is ever lingering above you. I have experienced this frantic reaction in most of my loves. They have a fight or flight response kick in, as they hopelessly tread water and claim they will drown if they allow love to happen.
I do not operate in this manner. Fear of loss never seems to dissuade me. A hopeless romantic to the core, I may be, but at least I will not die loveless. You can love many times over within your lifetime. I would prefer that over the loneliness of deflecting all opportunities. Quinn, my last boyfriend who died, had done that very thing with us. It is why we were separated when he died. I always feel sad that he died lonely and depressed out of his own construction,
What will you do when love befalls upon your doorstep?
Fight or Flight? Do you stay or go?
Song for this post
Call Me When You Get This - Corinne Bailey Rae
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