A non gendered doll by mattel
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Posted:Sep 25, 2019 4:31 pm
Last Updated:Sep 25, 2019 4:38 pm 4612 Views
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Now you may wonder why leo...a fifty year dude..gives a rat's ass if some non gendered has a doll that represent them..
I honestly don't..i have absolutely no problem with anyone that identifies as non gendered or those in transition.
My problem is all the dolls have faces.
Trust me as someone that does portraits as a hobbie..
They took a doll head and added either stereotypical long hair for the ( it's long entension you can add the dolls existing hair).
Or they took the stereotypical lesbian short poofie hairstyle and said now its a ( and lol not a lesbian..think ruby rose).. literally the doll looks like ruby rose.
So mattel still believes all non gendered people look feminine? Insert your own cringe worthy momment.
But then they probably think that way about gay people.
My point is this isnt a good representation of a population that has a hard time being accepted.
Despite mattel thinking the did a sjw job....they screwed the pooch.
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Trying to understand relationship first women and need your help
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Posted:Sep 25, 2019 11:37 am
Last Updated:Sep 25, 2019 6:23 pm 4951 Views
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Now this may sound a bit familure..but it has a twist.
Traditionally women want love,romance and a relationship...sex comes secondary/ later..
Guys mostly want sex but are willing to do the relationship thing.
So i ran into a bunch of relationship first Dominants. They also want the romance, the love, the relationship...for them the kink is secondary and comes later.
They get this way because they are constantly bothered by do me sub males.
So your probably wondering what's the big deal. The woman gets her needs filled first and the boyfriend eventually gets sex. Its pretty much the standard method of dating
But see that's the problem...in the kink scenario the boy friend submissive isnt getting the kink.
Ive seen Dommes complain that once in these relationships they still feel like they are mearily a facilator of his kink. ( instead of getting it from random male emailers..she is getting it from the bf)
That kink is too much and she needs to feel the love more
So they back way down and reduce the power exchange. They say things like id wish he would ask me what i need...
And instead of something sexy/ hot or kinky..one woman actually said she wished he would clean her car..that would help out alot..
So okay im not gonna bash these women..i am mearily trying to understand them better.
Sure i get power exchanges come in alot of forms and a sub s' job should be to make her happy.
But im doubting this is what he signed up for..
And sure i get men geek out over sex and kink..we can come on too strong and be asshats...we can also be inattentive to her needs.
But if i love golf and you love golf...and we met on the golfcourse...
Is it unreasonable to assume they will play golf as a couple.
I mean can you fault a guy..
And what if she drastically changed your access to play or outright sold your clubs...
Sure i get love is more important than golf. But its like your now in a different relationship with a different woman.
And honestly without the kink the relationship on paper looks very vanilla...i would clean a vanilla woman's car if that made her life easier.
Its what couples do for each other
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I guess i found my answer
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Posted:Sep 22, 2019 6:46 am
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2019 7:01 am 5180 Views
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So ive been blogging a bit about depression. I asked if a pill will make happy...
Apparently not..
Ive been doing some reading on prozac and apparently it can take months to see any real effect...
Well 's not totally true..they wrote if you are gonna have a side effect to the med...then joy ..this is what you will experience first..
.( note the sarcasm in this post..this is me without anything in me this morning). This is the snark i was talking about.
And if you take the drug for 4 months then the first symptoms to go are what they called being teary and thoughts of self harm. ( fyi this isnt what im feeling)
It can take up to nine months of the medication to other issues like tiredness. It then gives you the energy to face other issues
So i wondered when the hell a med would my symptoms...the pessimism, the negativity, the feeling of helplessness, being overwhelmed,feeling numb..
In terms of gaming im not making progress and constantly grinding for coinage bro.
When does the pill make you happy? Apparently it doesnt..
Prozac basically gets you off the couch...but to my sorta issues it is more of a therapy thing..
Which is sorta ironic...i excelled in psychology and would have made a great therapist.
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A lil explanation using groundhog day as my methaphore...
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Posted:Sep 21, 2019 10:45 pm
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2019 7:16 am 4541 Views
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First i apologize if my last blog was hard read. Alt is at it again😠..
But i also think i am presenting too many ideas. For example i talk about being negative, being pessimistic, not caring and then throwing in the concept of sadness. For some folks these feelings are basically interchangeable.
For me sadness is seperate.
So i thought i would use the
Bill murray movie " groundhog's day" to better explain myself.
Depression to
Meis sorta like being in hell, a trap, a constant cycle. Feeling hopeless
Bill murray wakes up every day to the same radio dj playing i got you babe. He relives every day in Punxsutawney Pa.
He can rob a bank or drive punxy phill and the news van off a cliff. But every morning he wakes up in
The same bed.
Its like the previous day..month..year never really mattered.
Bill can be a total asshat to the towns folks or he can save the homeless mans life...it doesn't matter...
After a bit
He stops caring..if i remember correctly he kills himself...only to rewake the next morning.
Sure
Bill has his good momments and actually has some fun like sculpting block of ice or playing the piano for music teacher.
But alot of the pleasure becomes scripted..he has to save the old homeless man, he has to participate inthe snowball fight with the
to impress the girl,he has to be under
The tree to save a cat,.
He's basically is numb and becomes a slave to the routine. He feels obligated...just to feel anything at all
Bill isnt happy..he isnt sad..he just sorta is.
His character is stuck in the gray.
He is just grinding..a term used in video games where your not making actual progress in the storyline..you'r doing meaningless busy work/ quest for in game coinage.
For
Me
its something like this
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Change isnt always good
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Posted:Sep 21, 2019 7:04 pm
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2019 7:03 am 4665 Views
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Tell me what is better...
Being in the grey middle and not knowing the extremes of sadness or happiness...basically not caring..just sorta going through life
Or being slightly elevated from the negativity...being able
To
poke slightly through the grey.. realizing now that im..
Not happy.
I decided
To try a few herbal things for my depression before going a doctor...why? Unlike alot of americans i am not blessed with a work related health care plan.
Now im not a big natural health guy, but i figured it was worth a try.
So it seemed to lift me
Off of the grumpy cat range of negativity. I almost had
turn in my pessimists membership
Card
I wasnt as negative as i normally
Am
. Its like i lost my cool snark? My dripping sarcasm was desert dry.
i thought hey its worth losing in order
To make gains/progress. Right?
The problem though is thus..it lightened my mood but didnt make me happy. It just sorta made me more self aware of the happiness that i missing
It just sorta lifted the grey slightly. ..which bummed me
So im a bit worried now.. what if i cant find happiness in the form of a pill?
I know i didnt find it in a bottle..alcohol didnt made me happy nor took away any pain. It didnt do anything for me. Literally i could drink the whole bottle, pass
Out and wake up the next day.. Go
To work without missing a beat...no hangover even
Without it solving anything. Life and work just kept going on.
Like i was trapped in a box.
Now sure different will have different effects on people. They most likely were made for the stereotyped depressed person that cant get out of bed.
Why? Because there obviously is trama or physical change going on/ hormonal change perhaps. Depression usually is categorized as a
Two week change in behavior.
But that isnt my case.. no trauma, no hormonal swing, not a health issue like thyroid condition etc.
Mine is less severe and more like over a lifetime. So it could be just the way my brain developed?
No im not talking like pyscho mass murder that has no empathy and his ma dropped him on his head multiple times brain damage..
...but doctors did find people with depression do have areas of their brain that are more well defined than normal.
So what happen if i do get on a prescription med and i find it has the sorta mood leveling effect...with no higher end happiness?
This reminds me of the novel " flowers for algeron"..
It is the story about this mentally challenged adult named charlie that worked at a bakery.
One day these men from the university approached charlie about a new medical technique that could greatly improve his intellect.
See they tried the experiment previously on a mouse named algeron and his intelligence grew dramatically.
So charlie agrees
To the surgery..it works so well that charlie becomes smarter than the professors.
He agrees
To quit the bakery and work full time on the project.
And spolier alert charlie learns the professors are wrong.
Algeron the mouse is regressing mentally and soon passes on.
And charlie now waits for the other shoe
...his intellect is waining and he too is going to die.
The point of the novel is it better to remain in complete ignorance of your situation ( charlie didnt realise the other bakers routinely made fun of him)..
Or is it better to have a keen awareness of your situation and realise it sorta sucks..
I starting to feel this way about this depression. I enjoy being snarky. When im in the grey i dont worry about being happy or being sad..i just sorta trudge through the day and onto the next. So its sorta like being eeore from winnie the pooh.
But what if say prozac or whatever levels me
Out ..removes the clouds and makes me care...
Then i start think why dont i have this or that.
Like today i was on
and sorta honestly got a bit jealous.
Like why dont i have someone in my life... why cant i be happy like that...which bummed me
So is it better
not feel or feel and be hurt.
I dont want give readers the impression that im a fucking zombie that doesnt feel. Maybe its more like not being able access these emotions that easily. It like the polar opposite of bi polar...instead of swinging from emotional extreme the other..
Im just sorta stuck somewhere in the middle without knowing either side that well.
I think people get the wrong idea about depression...they assume your always sad.
But you could feel trapped or anxious or not careing or disconnected or tired as AF,..etc.
In my case i
not sad...but absense of sadness does not equate happiness either.
Take away the not caring or trapped feelings aspect of my depression and now im faced with the realities of sadness and what it takes
make me happy.
I start caring and find i still have problems.
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Brown face?
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Posted:Sep 19, 2019 5:23 pm
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2019 3:57 am 5349 Views
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I find it interesting how the media comes up with a softer term for racism when it involves our neighbor to the north.
So the prime minister of canada is said to be wearing " brown face" multiple times in his past.
Shockingly he didnt think it racist to apply pigment to his skin to mimmic another race or culture..
Really? Really.
I am not as educated as the prime minister..
But even i knew it is wrong to wear black face...hell i was 7 yrs old when a white guy came to my grandpas house for halloween. His costume was a football player and the guy used shoe polish on his face..
At that point in my young life i never even met anyone that wasnt white..
And i knew it wasnt right.
There is no soft form of racism...there is no way to sugar coat it...you have a younger version of your prime minister in black face 3 seperate times
Should he be forced to step down? That isnt for me to decide. But come the next election you know these pics will be front and center.
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The gray..a quick explanation of my type of depression
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Posted:Sep 17, 2019 5:13 am
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2019 10:58 am 5216 Views
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I thought i owed the members a brief explanation of my kind of depression.
It isn't that sudden change where bob goes from living for golf with the boys...
To two weeks later the clubs are sitting in his car trunk gathering dust and he now spends his weekend sitting alone in his garage..
Or next week they find bob dead in his garage via suicide.
For me its more like the character venom from the spiderman comic books.. i feel like depression has always been there, it has shaped my life and is an outer shell i wear.
Ive becomed eddie brock.
I call it the grey...never being happy..never being sad...just sorta being...living in a world where your just waiting for the next shoe to drop. Just living to survive the next round.
It is very vulcan/ mr data like existence.
Dont get me wrong i can be " happy"...but its not normal.
It is a feeling i may get around a puppy for example.
Its that instant feeling of overwhelming joy...
That i am usually missing
I can be sad...but its not the normal..it usually takes the death of my mom or my to force me into this mode.
And it literally crushes me
So i wonder in the emotional less middle..the gray.
Perhaps you've noticed that i am " grumpy cat"...duh...
that is part of my depression..i am a pessimist...my roommate playfully calls me the " negator" ..i had people tell me that they couldnt deal with my negativity.
And no its not me bitching..lol.. its me literally taking any subject and automatically gravitating towards a negative arguement
I call myself a survivor..i think of myself as hardcore and really dont need anything.. i call myself the honeybager.. i dont put alot of stock into material things.
Id like to think this is a strength..a by product from growing up uber poor...
But that is part of my depression as well.
My depression is sorta like being iron man.. you had this hard,rough exterior...but you know deep down there has to be someone inside. Right?
Even if it is a brillant,drunkard,asshat of a man...( a tony stark referrence...didnt want you to think i was talking about myself).
Sure i display some of the stereotyped characteristics of depression like quickly losing interests in things..
I can slip into a deeper stereotyped level of depression..its rare but it happens
But my depression is more like a lifestyle...and im just now starting to realize it.
Its like living that matrix lie...you wake up one morning to see a large black man standing before you telling you to chose the red or blue pill.
I just thought i would take a momment to explain why my depression isnt stereotypical. Im not suicidal, i can get out of bed and hold a job,etc..
But that doesnt mean i dont have depression. Im just very functional
Once you get outside the basic questionnaires that most gen practice doctors use... you will find parts of me in the broaden definition of depression. Such as being grumpy cat.
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The gray..a quick explanation of my type of depression
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Posted:Sep 17, 2019 5:13 am
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2019 5:14 am 4765 Views
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I thought i owed the members a brief explanation of my kind of depression.
It isn't that sudden change where bob goes from living for golf with the boys...
To two weeks later the clubs are sitting in his car trunk gathering dust and he now spends his weekend sitting alone in his garage..
Or next week they find bob dead in his garage via suicide.
For me its more like the character venom from the spiderman comic books.. i feel like depression has always been there, it has shaped my life and is an outer shell i wear.
Ive becomed eddie brock.
I call it the grey...never being happy..never being sad...just sorta being...living in a world where your just waiting for the next shoe to drop. Just living to survive the next round.
It is very vulcan/ mr data like existence.
Dont get me wrong i can be " happy"...but its not normal.
It is a feeling i may get around a puppy for example.
Its that instant feeling of overwhelming joy...
That i am usually missing
I can be sad...but its not the normal..it usually takes the death of my mom or my to force me into this mode.
And it literally crushes me
So i wonder in the emotional less middle..the gray.
Perhaps you've noticed that i am " grumpy cat"...duh...
that is part of my depression..i am a pessimist...my roommate playfully calls me the " negator" ..i had people tell me that they couldnt deal with my negativity.
And no its not me bitching..lol.. its me literally taking any subject and automatically gravitating towards a negative arguement
I call myself a survivor..i think of myself as hardcore and really dont need anything.. i call myself the honeybager.. i dont put alot of stock into material things.
Id like to think this is a strength..a by product from growing up uber poor...
But that is part of my depression as well.
My depression is sorta like being iron man.. you had this hard,rough exterior...but you know deep down there has to be someone inside. Right?
Even if it is a brillant,drunkard,asshat of a man...( a tony stark referrence...didnt want you to think i was talking about myself).
Sure i display some of the stereotyped characteristics of depression like quickly losing interests in things..
I can slip into a deeper stereotyped level of depression..its rare but it happens
But my depression is more like a lifestyle...and im just now starting to realize it.
Its like living that matrix lie...you wake up one morning to see a large black man standing before you telling you to chose the red or blue pill.
I just thought i would take a momment to explain why my depression isnt stereotypical. Im not suicidal, i can get out of bed and hold a job,etc..
But that doesnt mean i dont have depression. Im just very functional
Once you get outside the basic questionnaires that most gen practice doctors use... you will find parts of me in the broaden definition of depression. Such as being grumpy cat.
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The gray..a quick explanation of my type of depression
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Posted:Sep 17, 2019 5:13 am
Last Updated:May 8, 2024 9:30 pm 4590 Views
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I thought i owed the members a brief explanation of my kind of depression.
It isn't that sudden change where bob goes from living for golf with the boys...
To two weeks later the clubs are sitting in his car trunk gathering dust and he now spends his weekend sitting alone in his garage..
Or next week they find bob dead in his garage via suicide.
For me its more like the character venom from the spiderman comic books.. i feel like depression has always been there, it has shaped my life and is an outer shell i wear.
Ive becomed eddie brock.
I call it the grey...never being happy..never being sad...just sorta being...living in a world where your just waiting for the next shoe to drop. Just living to survive the next round.
It is very vulcan/ mr data like existence.
Dont get me wrong i can be " happy"...but its not normal.
It is a feeling i may get around a puppy for example.
Its that instant feeling of overwhelming joy...
That i am usually missing
I can be sad...but its not the normal..it usually takes the death of my mom or my to force me into this mode.
And it literally crushes me
So i wonder in the emotional less middle..the gray.
Perhaps you've noticed that i am " grumpy cat"...duh...
that is part of my depression..i am a pessimist...my roommate playfully calls me the " negator" ..i had people tell me that they couldnt deal with my negativity.
And no its not me bitching..lol.. its me literally taking any subject and automatically gravitating towards a negative arguement
I call myself a survivor..i think of myself as hardcore and really dont need anything.. i call myself the honeybager.. i dont put alot of stock into material things.
Id like to think this is a strength..a by product from growing up uber poor...
But that is part of my depression as well.
My depression is sorta like being iron man.. you had this hard,rough exterior...but you know deep down there has to be someone inside. Right?
Even if it is a brillant,drunkard,asshat of a man...( a tony stark referrence...didnt want you to think i was talking about myself).
Sure i display some of the stereotyped characteristics of depression like quickly losing interests in things..
I can slip into a deeper stereotyped level of depression..its rare but it happens
But my depression is more like a lifestyle...and im just now starting to realize it.
Its like living that matrix lie...you wake up one morning to see a large black man standing before you telling you to chose the red or blue pill.
I just thought i would take a momment to explain why my depression isnt stereotypical. Im not suicidal, i can get out of bed and hold a job,etc..
But that doesnt mean i dont have depression. Im just very functional
Once you get outside the basic questionnaires that most gen practice doctors use... you will find parts of me in the broaden definition of depression. Such as being grumpy cat.
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The point gods are not in my favor
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Posted:Sep 16, 2019 7:44 pm
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2019 4:16 am 5408 Views
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Okay alt...we all cowtailed when the new management team took over..
Your removed our freebie gold memberships..
And now apparently blogging no longer earns you points..i topped off at 300..
Now how am i gonna get that alt.com dildo
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