The gray..a quick explanation of my type of depression
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Posted:Sep 17, 2019 5:13 am
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 9:46 am 4593 Views
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I thought i owed the members a brief explanation of my kind of depression.
It isn't that sudden change where bob goes from living for golf with the boys...
To two weeks later the clubs are sitting in his car trunk gathering dust and he now spends his weekend sitting alone in his garage..
Or next week they find bob dead in his garage via suicide.
For me its more like the character venom from the spiderman comic books.. i feel like depression has always been there, it has shaped my life and is an outer shell i wear.
Ive becomed eddie brock.
I call it the grey...never being happy..never being sad...just sorta being...living in a world where your just waiting for the next shoe to drop. Just living to survive the next round.
It is very vulcan/ mr data like existence.
Dont get me wrong i can be " happy"...but its not normal.
It is a feeling i may get around a puppy for example.
Its that instant feeling of overwhelming joy...
That i am usually missing
I can be sad...but its not the normal..it usually takes the death of my mom or my to force me into this mode.
And it literally crushes me
So i wonder in the emotional less middle..the gray.
Perhaps you've noticed that i am " grumpy cat"...duh...
that is part of my depression..i am a pessimist...my roommate playfully calls me the " negator" ..i had people tell me that they couldnt deal with my negativity.
And no its not me bitching..lol.. its me literally taking any subject and automatically gravitating towards a negative arguement
I call myself a survivor..i think of myself as hardcore and really dont need anything.. i call myself the honeybager.. i dont put alot of stock into material things.
Id like to think this is a strength..a by product from growing up uber poor...
But that is part of my depression as well.
My depression is sorta like being iron man.. you had this hard,rough exterior...but you know deep down there has to be someone inside. Right?
Even if it is a brillant,drunkard,asshat of a man...( a tony stark referrence...didnt want you to think i was talking about myself).
Sure i display some of the stereotyped characteristics of depression like quickly losing interests in things..
I can slip into a deeper stereotyped level of depression..its rare but it happens
But my depression is more like a lifestyle...and im just now starting to realize it.
Its like living that matrix lie...you wake up one morning to see a large black man standing before you telling you to chose the red or blue pill.
I just thought i would take a momment to explain why my depression isnt stereotypical. Im not suicidal, i can get out of bed and hold a job,etc..
But that doesnt mean i dont have depression. Im just very functional
Once you get outside the basic questionnaires that most gen practice doctors use... you will find parts of me in the broaden definition of depression. Such as being grumpy cat.
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The point gods are not in my favor
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Posted:Sep 16, 2019 7:44 pm
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2019 4:16 am 5411 Views
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Okay alt...we all cowtailed when the new management team took over..
Your removed our freebie gold memberships..
And now apparently blogging no longer earns you points..i topped off at 300..
Now how am i gonna get that alt.com dildo
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Being depressed is sorta like being an alcoholic
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Posted:Sep 16, 2019 6:52 pm
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2019 3:58 am 5118 Views
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I've been doing alot of reading on the topic of depression.
And it seems like doctors have this stereotypical view of what it is..
1. Mostly female.
2. Probably hormonal
3. Sure you might get it after giving birth
4. Your always sad
5. The moody emo in the guy liner that keeps on talking about death/ suicide.
And for some reason they all think of depression as this sudden two week change in behavior...huh?
It sorta reminds me of the stereotypical alcoholic...we all think white dude in the back of a mobile home with a greasy wife beater on...drinking a 24 pack of nattylites
We dont envision surburban soccer mom.
I actually looked at the various test doctors give patients to determine one's level of depression.
The questions are basically the same and seem to stereotype the idea of what depression is...
Someone that suddenly lost all love of something like a sport..or sex, you cant sleep or sleep too much, you feel worn out or worthless,you lost or gained alot of weight, you think of killing yourself etc..
Which is utter fucking bullshit... those are stereotypes.
Its like saying because i actually can hold a job that i cant be an alcoholic.
I dont live in a trailer so i cant be a drunk.
It's like it's easier to diagnose if you can just cut it down and stuff it into a nice lil box.
Depression is treated like a disease..either you have a mild case or you have it bad.( clinical)
It really should be viewed more like autism..perhaps on a spectrum.
For example i may be really depressed but am highly functioning.. i have a life,i can hold a job. That doesnt mean my depression is less than the person that cant get out of bed...or the mom that cant cope
I have learned to adapt. Maybe i am just better with dealing with my emotions and actually have coping skills
. Maybe i am..me...and not a stereotype
And yes in case your wondering i took their depression test and i got a middle range score.
But that's like saying i can put down alot of vodka..
Obviously im...
Not right. Duh ( im a bad guy)
..but im not the stereotypical drunk.
And if your wondering if i am
a drunk...i honestly can put down alot...no shit its like i come from
A bear fucking a russian in ass while he does a german wench..while smoking a cigarette..the bear i mean
So yeah its in my genes..you wont find that on ancestery. Com.
But i get very lil out of alcohol.
..it doesn't give me pleasure or take away pain..and my body grows a tolerance to it fairly quickly.
Its only when one thinks outside of the box do you find someone like myself..
That most likely has been depressed all my life.
Im hardly the new mom with her post pardium depression..
Im not the mom that cant get out of bed...
Im not robin williams..
I never wore guy liner or had sucidial thoughts.
Im not the person that is supposed to be depressed.
Im not the poster
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Ford vs the Ferrari..a movie about carroll shelby
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Posted:Sep 16, 2019 5:00 am
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2019 3:42 am 4790 Views
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I saw a movie trailer on youtube really interest ...
Ford vs. Ferrari with Matt damon....it depicts the actions of carroll shelby...the guy walked into the ford motor company and said he is gonna make one bad ass mf er car..
The shelby cobra...
yes they are bad ass..my friend owns one.
I guess the movie is about international racing? Hence the title...shelby wants to make a ford car can beat a ferrari
Anyway its rare for this type of thing to happen in real life..
You dont get a steve jobs type just walks in swinging his nuts and revolutionise an industry..
It's a shame though these sorta bio pics...wether shelby or tolken or aa milne etc. Usually fail at the box office..the 20 somethings have no frame of referrence or simply dont care..
Modern have no clue what a shelby even looks
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I wonder if alt is dead
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Posted:Sep 14, 2019 6:27 pm
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2019 6:59 pm 5478 Views
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Ive been on alt for 20 plus years....have blogged for ..
Been shit on and have shitted on alt for a long time now..
We have what you'd call...a bitch relationship.
So it's obvious i've never been one here.
And i get i am not their desired blogger...guess it's cause i dont look cute in a thong...or have big tits.
But come on alt..have you closed some of your sites..
Your boy's are way down.
I know i burned some bridges here..but your main revenue is over seas..what no horny asian guy wants to hear about how crazy americans really are.
Literally alt..i had a guy threathen to shoot me in a road rage incident....and if i was carring? I would have shot his truck.. no shit..being real. The bitch tried to run off the road.. i am whiskey tango.
Alt? Deary...your not trying...hard enough..your boy fucks to the left and fucks to the right..both politically and sexually
And you see no value in ?
Really...who is this new management at alt?...you really need to break 4th wall and talk with ..😚
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The day of the dead barbie
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Posted:Sep 14, 2019 2:40 pm
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2019 2:43 pm 4612 Views
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So mattel came out with a barbie to celebrate mexicos day of the dead. Her face is painted in a traditional sugar skull fashion..her hair is black and she is wearing ( what i as a white guy would say) traditional mexican full length dress?
Alot of people are having a problem with barbie..calling it a misappropriation of culture..
My problem with this is the doll is clearly white barbie...they literally took white barbie and gave her raven dark hair..
What's next..changing her name to Beto?
Doesnt barbie have hispanic friends? Is there no hispanic barbie? If mattle afraid a mexican barbie wouldnt sell as well?..
If mattle secretly racist...?
Despite all the bs..i love the day of the dead..
But its THEIR..holiday...
Wouldnt have been nice to see a hispanic doll instead
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Living in a fish bowl
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Posted:Sep 14, 2019 10:47 am
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2019 2:12 pm 4820 Views
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I tend to see the internet as a fish bowl.
I never understood why people assume there is this harmonious balance and everyone is supposed to get along.
In your bowl you can put in fish of the same species or fish of various species...
Eventually one of those fish is gonna get eaten..it is there nature.
So why are we surprised that omg...it doesnt matter if your pro or anti...trump.,,or whatever...
Humans will troll..they will attack..and bully the fuck out of people.. it is their nature...esp to eat their own
Why are we shocked.
.we created this fish bowl..this 4 squared reality where we feel like people need to know where we are at or what we are doing at any given momment
...we need to take dozens of pics of us at various spots or in various states of undress
or pics of what we are eating...or updates on our ..
Now we all gotta swim in it...the smart ones hide themselves until they see fish flakes floating on the surface..
The dumb ones engage in these twitter wars..live on instagram....and become the fish food
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Ms monopoly....the new way to market a product
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Posted:Sep 14, 2019 8:59 am
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2019 6:36 pm 4483 Views
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If you didnt hear monopoly is coming out with a new version of their game. Ms monopoly
But who cares...there are literally 100s of versions of this old game...like the Simpson's edition etc.
And most likely we all have monopoly at home already. We arent gonna a new set no matter how big of GOT fans we are.
In this ms monopoly game the female competitors get extra at the start and passed go. The players get less.
So yes they are trying to this game as an example of the wage gap...
Okay....in a board game no less?
But im not complaining. It actually has nothing to do with the wage gap, rather it is the new method of ,marketing your product.
It is a method has been used the video game industry for about 2 yrs now. You do something pc...and then twitter explodes, the fan boys rant, everyone thinks themselves a blogger and talks about your product.
An example in hollywood is replacing a white character like magneto with a black actor.
Or like in video games removing gender from your game and just letting the player select a body type.
Seems harmless..wtf cares...but youd be suprised how many people make a living either being so pc or so anti.
Its all free advertising
So yeah you got a product noone plays with and its just gathering dust?... simply interject the lgbtq?..simply say furby is transgendered and not for white dudes...
It's a marketing scam...disney doesnt care about diversity..hasbro doesnt care about the wage gap..
Video game designer dont care about transgenered people..
Why? Cause white males make up a portion of their sales.
They know the white boys will bitch..but still gonna see star wars..
So they poke the bear for the free publicity....they assume anti white boy means an instant alternative .
The problem...when you poke too often and share of your market just boycotts ..like in the case of the movie solo. The movie revenues go down..but so does the merch and the toys...where the real comes from
Im really not mad at a ms monopoly edition.. give the female players more...who cares..
Cause noone plays this tired old game anymore..
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Just being..good enough
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Posted:Sep 9, 2019 9:15 pm
Last Updated:Sep 10, 2019 1:37 pm 4276 Views
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I pride myself on being. .a..resourceful... motherfucker
I never claimed i was the best anything
And yes...somedays i literally pull shit out of ass..
the amazement of those around me..well not real shit.( gross) i mean repairs etc.
I am not the best...i never claimed be
I am..just good enough..
(and is enough piss some people off).
I was told i am not bright ( by ex no less)..in one of her painful emails. I apparently don't know..
Everything...( insert crickets)
??? Really?
But look deep and you will see the light...
Im the king of 10 cents fixes.....
Im the white trash " mcgyver".
Some days you dont need the best...just saddle up and enjoy the ride
Good enough..some days..is..fuck
Good enough.
Roll with the guy can get you down the road and survive another day...duct tape is your friend.
Why? Cause guy has endured life..he has the scars
He is just good enough.
And somedays...it is what you need.
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Brittney runs a marathon..your thoughts on health and weight
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Posted:Sep 4, 2019 5:04 am
Last Updated:Sep 4, 2019 7:48 pm 5500 Views
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I was wondering if this movie interest anyone.
And are you okay with the part where her doctor tells her she has health issues due to her weight. A subject that is rarely addressed in movies
I know this is a touchy subject..esp for women. As a society we tend to see an overweight man as one happymeal away from a heart attack. If he is overweight he obvious has health issues.
But with women it's...different..society wants to say she is fine..
And godbless she might be...she might be blessed with great genes
But i know with me there is a range for my weight.. maybe a 30lbs swing...an unhealthy 205 something that eats fast foods and doesnt exercise..
And a 180 dude that lives on a treadmill..and eats salads.
Now someone will say..oh boo hoo leo only 205 on a dude..? What are you bitching about..isnt that the new norm? How is that overweight?
For my body 25-30lbs is the difference between high bp and a chance of a heart attack or stroke..to be on meds or not
Now im not implying that everyone is like me...i am just giving my personal example..
For some people extra weight can quickly add up..
So is it wrong to address this topic in a movie?
Is it wrong to suggest that being overweight may be harmful to some womens health...without fatshaming them?
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