only from love.....
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Posted:Apr 24, 2017 12:18 pm
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2017 1:49 am 3281 Views
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The other day, i got an offer, i could easily refuse....
Because this man, sincere as he might be...
Wanted to, at least in my eyes, a roleplay-"relation",
Roleplay Histoire dO.... as a relation- form....
He was from the first sentence on very demanding..
That was not to my liking...
so, i told him, i can only from within mé, submit to the man that I choose
That i only can give myself from love for that man, for his whole...
That i would like to be treated as a human being, first
That we start as EQUALS!
He wrote things like, that i could HUMBLE APPLY.... and so on and on.... if i liked his offer... so to say...
Somehow, i always feel very offended by that kind of behaviour....
I am a human being, wish to be treated that way.
My whole being uniquely me!  was totally discarded.
Unless degradation is a fetish of me,(NOT) i dont like that kind of approach....
I am being OBJECTIFYED, ( again)  me, as a person? does not matter much.
i am already molded in his mindframe as A SLAVE....
I dont own any personal character traits anymore, all i am is A SLAVE... an object.
I can not "playact" the (sexual) only submissive role... for as long as the game is on...yawns... I dont even understand how that works....?
I need that inner connection, feel his DOMINANT ENERGY....
not his sexdrivenegogames...
Feel his steadiness, his emotional balance,
To feel that he is capable of carrying that responsibility, gladly too
to be able to carefully, slowly let my shield down.
I need that connection with that man.
To know that he is also wanting to build a bond with me, from friendship... and not from lust....
I need to know that man, i need to have feelings for him, feelings, not lust.
Without that, it wont work for me.
I want to feel his dominance throughout the whole relation, in every aspect of our being together, relation...
That is what a 24/7 is, for me,
every day, sick, working, visiting family, friends, being together or not,
Hé is my Master, i will obey him...
because i know him and know that he will never ever do me harm.
He will challenge me, and i will expect that of him, too.
he will push my limits, and i expect that of him too.
and....?
he will love me for that....
because he is a loving sadist and i am a masochist who longs to surrender fulltime, to a grownup man, in controle of his life....
and me too.
Only from love.... and understanding and embracing each others needs....
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2
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"role" switching..?
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Posted:Apr 23, 2017 6:21 am
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2017 2:02 am 3562 Views
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On fetlife, while i was to organise the munches, this man contacted me.
claiming to bé á dominant.... hm, hmm... sure.....
So, we met, he ofcourse! was married, had a bad sex life, had a bad marriage for what he told me, just the regulair, usual vanilla neglect of each other as partners...no interest in each other....just maintaining the status-quo.
I have heard that SOOO many time, it is boring... and somewhat disgusting too...
For so far as i know, there are 2 people in a marriage!
So, he fancied me.. well, who cares?
He was only in for the sex-kinky part of it all, ofcourse : the kinksters.
Sorry, i dont DO GAMES.
I thank him for his "offer :-&"
Great was my surprise, that i come across his profile some days later, and all of the sudden he is no longer a DOMINANT, but now, all of the sudden, he is á sub!!! hmm, hmm! sure....
WTF!!
It seem not to work for him, acting as a sub, so after some days...
yes! he was a switch!! 2 weeks later he was a sadist!
How you mean?
dont trust anything you read on a male profile, unlesss you have the living prove of that human... as a stable human being....
wich i doubt very much...
I get sick at the stomach, reading such profiles, especially after meeting those persons... shudders... it gives me the creeps!!
And, the likes of him, are here too!
Mind you, i can understand, when you always had a feeling that something was missing in your life, your relation, as a whole
You find somehow sites like this... that it is like being in a candy store...
But educate yourself FIRST!
Their approach is mostly very different from the predators..../kinksterplayers....
it is not a one night stand sexplay... easy lay.....
I also know that most men on here, think submissive = equals a easy lay, someone without any willpower, or a brain, one who you can fuck brainless, and dump,
up for the next catch....
Most of those men, are UNHAPPELY married, and in a desperate need of a fuck... to boost their ego....
They do not have any GENUINE interest in the whole BDSM dynamic, Protocol about BDSM, as a way of living...or in the other person.....
"role" switching gives me a rash...
allergy alarm! 
But, then again, most on here, are just in for the kinkyfuckery... to stroke their ego, nothing more....
so shallow.....
but thats just my rambling.....
To me, SM, or BDSM, is only possible in a relation, a bond between 2 people, in wich they take the time to get to know each other, with their clothes on.
gentle grow into the whole dynamic of a T A T/ Authority/Power Transfer...
exploring each other as human beings, having fun doing that, growing to like, understand and trust each other...
because A DOMINANT, needs to be able to trust his sub/slave too.
Trust, honesty, safety for both is mandatory.
To me, SM, or BDSM, has at first, nothing, to do with sex! AT ALL!
iT IS THE MINDSET, HIS SPECIAL ENERGY, that triggers me, to make me want to surrender to that one special man.... as a organic deed.... growing, learning....
to obey him, to be his totally.
Sure, if the dynamic is established, if we agree on most subjects of our dynamic,
sure there will be some sex.. but that is just a small part of the whole Authority EXCHANGE,...
taking my masochism as the core of the relation, taking my masochism as the centre of our/my sexuality.
and no vanilla soft, obeying the woman, serve the woman's favorite flavour .... shudders!
but the male demanding, taken what is his, from his love for me; SM sex .
stay safe!
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1
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family matters
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Posted:Apr 1, 2017 12:21 pm
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2017 12:24 pm 4110 Views
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I have a very dear elderly aunt, she is somewhere in her 70e....
She survived cancer, she had a hip transplant....
She was always the aunt who was there for me, when i needed her the most.
Now she is losing it a bit, getting lost in her own head... 'forgetting' all kind of stuff.
It hurts me to see her like this, she takes this change very calmly and rational,
She tells me, i know i am losing it, i know i get lost in my own head and home....
But i am fine with that... why would i try to fight it?
This is what it is...
I find that so powerfull!
Now, my eldest sister, who has some attitude about her, is trying "to take care" of our aunt.
All she does is making my aunt upset, because the way she talks to her about her, behind her back, right in her face,
as if she is doing all those non logical things on purpose, to piss my sister off...
It is really nasty to see it happen, my aunt is only feeling more and more miserable.
guilty even, and she is not able to do anything about it.....
So she gets nasty, aggressive, in rebellion.
At the same time this sister of mine, demands that our aunt picks her up, at the busstation.
Thats in a pretty bussy place.... so my aunts panicks more and more...
I suggested to my sister, that she, just like we all do, when we visit that aunt, walks to their house.... that is about 10 minutes from the bus- stop.....
Oh, No! what i am thinking, she NEEDS to be picked up at that busstation...
shé is not going to walk! what are you thinking!
So, this so called, caring sister of mine, forces my aunt to do things she is not feeling safe about anymore, because that sister of mine, is too high and mighty to w a l k...!?
What a fuck up lazy bitch she is!
so, my aunt, being slightly demented, accident prone....scared in bussy traffic... wanted to take the sidewalk to ride home....
And the whole family thinks this sister is marvelous because she is soooo caring... for our aunt....
yeah, right, self interest is more likely....
I go as often as i can, i have a bussy work schedule...
Thank the goddess, she is not living alone, she lives in the house of her , cangaroo living it is called.... still totally independent, on her own, with her family watching over her....
It breaks my hart to see how my sister treats our dear loving caring aunt...
nasty piece of work, she is...
not having any insight in her own behaviour, when i told her, that maybe our aunt is not up to such a long drive anymore, she just laughs it off... and demands that her wishes are taking care of...
I worry... she makes her dementia only worse, and worse....
My dad had dementia also, at the end, his wife was also not able to handle that nicely, she was very rude and accusatory to my dad... hit him and cursed at him, when he forgot things... also a very demanding cold bitch....
that made him feel that he was losing more and more grip on his life...
also a nasty hard piece of work, that woman...
dementia is not a choice! to pester your spouse or other family members...
be- fucking- nice to those who losing their grip on their lifes.
be understanding of their condition..
My aunt was a psychologiste... my dad had a good job, before he lost it....
bé -fucking- nice to demented people!
respectfull
i worry... and feel helpless.... and sad about it all....
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3
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Working on my bike,
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Posted:Apr 8, 2024 3:26 am
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2024 10:11 am 459 Views
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Adjusting an other luggage rack.
Just right here, in the middle of my living room!
Haha
no dirt around, it was a clean job, only my hands got a bit greasy..
I dó have soap in the house! lol
So, now with this new rack, i have room on my stearing wheel to put some other earo bars on it, so i can change posture, while riding.....
I am happy to solve this one problem, so i can find a solution for an other problem!
Isnt that great!!   
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6
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First Christmas day.....
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Posted:Dec 24, 2023 8:11 am
Last Updated:Dec 26, 2023 2:18 am 828 Views
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It is raining the whole day, just like yesterday, and the days before that....😭😭😭
It is already dark, or semi dark, around 15 hour...
Overcasted, the whole freaking days !!
GOSH, how i cant stand those dark days in December.... 😳😫😱
The husband of my sister is in the hospital, they dont know what is wrong with him.
He is put on morfine....So, the family too, is in a bit of panic....
Not me, so much...They dont live close by...
The times i celebrated Christmas, where all very stressfull.
So i dont "do" Christmas anymore..
It is just a long weekend!
I hope you enjoy your festive days!!
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11
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Housewife,
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Posted:Mar 4, 2023 1:33 pm
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2023 11:52 am 1756 Views
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I know,for some women, that is really a very nasty word.
As if working in your household is bad, low etc..?
I get a lot of pride out of being a housewife.
Although i sometimes suck at it!
Because, well, some actions are very, very repetitive, and that is very killing for my mental health.....BORING!
But, when i have cleaned out the fridge, i am proud of how it looks again!
Or, when i have finally ironed all the blouses and all that, i am very proud too!
I have that too, when i work in my garden and it starts to look like something.
For now, it is way to cold, to be working longer then about 1o minutes in the garden..
Today i did work in my garden.
makes me feel happy, having dirty nails!
I am a proud housewife.
Hard work, not enough appreciated and totally not paid for!
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11
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Walking in the woods,
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Posted:Jun 29, 2022 1:27 am
Last Updated:Jun 29, 2022 11:07 am 1820 Views
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That is my Zen time.
I love the woods around here.
Although it were first trees for wood production.
It is now a rather nice forest, planted in nice square blocks.
So, it is almost impossible to get lost, in these woods.
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3
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Aah, sunday cooking...
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Posted:Apr 10, 2022 1:47 am
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2022 10:19 am 2072 Views
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I love the quiet sunday,
Listening to a good radio program.
And slicing mushrooms, carot, onion, garlic, black beans,
and other vegies...
Just to take the time, and work with living nature, plants, herbs..
Listening to people talking about the Club of ROME.
knowlegde.
Thinking, it is more a problem of the Other part of the world.
NOT our western way of life...
the market wont solve this,
The market will destroy us.
"the market" is all about greed.
Want to have, the biggest car in the street, the most expensive holiday's,
That is what the market is.
What happens now, is what the market made happen.
Wants and not wants.
sharing = caring.
Not dumping our problems in Africa, India, etc.
Poluting the world....
Not in my back garden!
Slicing onions....can be soo peacefull...🙏😇
BON APPETITE! 🍲🥘🥣🥗
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3
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