the bad habbit......
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Posted:May 1, 2017 3:24 am
Last Updated:May 6, 2017 2:27 pm 4382 Views
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No! this is not about plucking your nose... and eating it too!
Yes, i have been a smoker, for years!
i started rather young, age 12.. uhu...
Wanted to impress the neighbor boy.... aah... young "love"... hahaha
What did i know?
So, coughing and almost choking, i smoked..
it never worked out with that boy..... anyway...
It is a dirty habbit, really is!
So, after some years i wanted to stop...
that was not as easy as starting, let me tell you!
So, i did some research about all the things they put in tabacco, cigarette.
That was not really a very nice research!
if you know thát!
what hey put into your tabacco? you run for the hills!
Knowing all that, did not make it any easier to stop smoking.
I tried 3 times, and everytime again i had some lame excuse to start smoking again.... i know how it works.....
I was disgusted by it all, wanted so hard to stop!
So, somewhere in 2004, i believe it was, i lost my job, that was a really very nasty game they played with me, got a burn-out on that....
i lost my partner, by cheating on my with, ofcourse, a girlfriend...
i can go on and on...
I was nearly drowning.... my whole life was falling apart...
so i quit smoking and drinking at the hight of that very stressful period in my life....
I am sooo happy to not smoke, at all!
some years ago, i was visiting a friend, she is smoking of and on......
so i asked her; give me your cigarette, i just wan to check this.
She was mad at me!
NO, you dont get started again!
are you mad!!!
so, i took one inhale .... it was horrible! dirty, lungs shredding.
It hurt like hell!
That was it, i am done smoking.
I work for a elderly woman, and she is a cigar smoker, chain smoker....
i get really sick, when i am at her place.....
I have to talk about this with the manager....
I became very sensitive about smoking around me,
last weekend i visited my , and they were smoking too, just in the livingroom...
so i get sick... coughing, pain in my eyes, nose, throat too...
I also really, really dont like the smell of it, in all my clothes, hair, skin, handbag, i can strip naked, when i am home again, to take a shower, wash my hair.
spray vinegar on all my clothes, and keep them hanging outside for some days, before i wash them...
There is NO FUN in that, at all.
Also, when a guy is a smoker, his sperm tastes like smoked cigarette, an ash-tray?...
Sooo terrible nasty, dirty!!! 
very, very, puke nasty!
It is really a very bad habbit, an addiction
Un healty too.
I like it to be clean, to try to live as clean as possible, no addictions here.. only for some chocolate.. once in a while.....
There is a dutch cabaretier, stand-up comedian, who says about smoking;
Strange? isnt it?
You put something burning in you mouth and you get sick?
What did you expect?
whahahah!
he is really good! (forgot his name...)
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Compatibility..?
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Posted:Apr 26, 2017 12:59 am
Last Updated:May 6, 2017 2:27 pm 4370 Views
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It seems to be a very difficult word to grasp.....
Lately i was visited online by a bloke from Sweden, "" á dominant"" ofcourse.... sighs.....
I talked with him before, he could not remember our former conversation... doesnt matter much...
So, he says/ asks; You are a sub?
(so totally tiredsome to have to explain the difference between a sub and a slave, in real life, real time... again, and again....)
so i said yes.....
He told me he was á dom, so we should meet and do sm... sex someting...
i dont know....
I told him, calling yourself a dominant does not mean you can fuck anything what calls herself sub..?
There is more, to be able to actually BÉ, that desired person....
He just wanted sex.....
The strangest thing always happen, after some men get a rejection...
They become angry... nasty, foul language....
The same happens when i tell them what it means to ME, calling myself a slave.
As soon as most men hear that word, they go crazy, totall madness comes over them, really.
Their brain make overtime, drive on full speed, all porn... sex related.....
The word compatibility is too much for them to grasp
They truely dont understand that there is more needed in a SM contact, then just his penis and her vagina......
It is about trust, first!
It is NOT about sex, at all.
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musica!
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Posted:Apr 21, 2017 12:57 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2024 3:59 am 4194 Views
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in my former appartment i did not connect my stereo, because the walls were so thin, i could almost hear my neighbor breath if it was very quiet.....
So i just bought a little soundmachine/ blaster, just all plastic made in China junk... hahahah.
I got music, that was important. the quality of the sound?? hmm, well.. you know... bad!!
Now, i have moved to a bigger, better isolated walls and ceiling house.
i put my stereo in working order again!
oh my, ! i totally forgot what i nice good sound it has!
I put the Bass en tebre down, so the neighbors wont complain...
But my god! i can blast them out off their seats! It is a lovely sound!!!
Soo powerfull! i really like it!!
i only put it on full blast when i like some music, not just all the time.
I still have some vinyl, some lps....
so the day will come, that i will put on some of my favorite albums,
and the neighborhood will know!! 
 all the windows open and go, go go!! hahahaha
I have some pretty rough music! love it!
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my kind of romance....
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Posted:Apr 21, 2017 6:29 am
Last Updated:Apr 22, 2017 1:11 pm 4308 Views
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The dream machine....
When i met this one man, who is capable of showing his emotions, his feelings, who is articulate, who enjoys exchange of ideas and thoughts....
Just as a proces of the get to know each other... to learn how that others persons mind works....
We talk, we learn to read that other person, understand his drive and his desires...
He from her, she from HIM...
We talk about what i want or need out of a Authority Transfer Relation....
What my hard limits are, my soft limits.... my likes..... PROTOCOL, NEGOTIATION, COMPATIBILTIY.
On the relation level as well as on the BDSM level.....
He tells me what his desires are, what he needs from his slave-woman....
we talk things through.....
About health issues, food preference, fashion, shoes, you name it...
We talk about our lifes, our dreams....
what we want out of a 24/7 Totall Authority/Power/ Transfer....
How high or low our desire is for PROTOCOL, rules to life by, the matter of control and how deep that goes... for both of us... If things work in the outside word, or not...
He asks me, what i need, on wich level i long for his guidance, controle, rules,
in wich amount.....
On wich parts of my life.... and so on......
He tells me, in wich manner he needs to feel that AUTHORITY over me...
we negotiate about all of that....
we agree that it is a living, growing experience, there is always the possibility to start to negotiate again, about what works and what not....
He grants her the right to re-start a negotiation
We meet, we talk, we share our dreams, fears, we have fun.
we esthablish a trust a bond between each other....
we like each other, as friends, as a human being, with all his/her flaws....
we care for each other... deeply....
Slowly, slowly our dynamic is taking on form, we are growing into each other, s needs too...
The one thing we constantly do; is talk.
The whole dynamic is build on open, honest and sincere communication.
and the transfer of the Authority...
Him, being the decision maker, and she the one who follow him, because she has learned to trust him, because he is a stable fine person....
Always taken her safety and health in consideration, by his desicion making.
We laugh, make fun of each other, tease and feel joy.
That does not make the dynamic change.
it is always ON,
Even when i disagree with him, he IS still my MASTER-DOMINANT- MAN- LOVER-SADIST.
And i will obey him.
We made the conscious decision to commit to each other, 24/7.
Waking each and every day to the knowledge that i belong to him, makes me full of joy and happiness, centred and whole.
Waking every day, and realise that he has the full power/authority to do with me, my body as he see fit... makes me feel very, very loved, and humble....
My surrender has no bounderies.
Although we both have bounderies.
You could call this some sort of devotion.
As she is devoted to him, HE is in some other way, devoted to her, too
You recognise in the other, some part of you.... i recognise his dominance, his strength, energy, guidance, his care... his demanding drive to make me his.
he recognise the soft tender submissiveness, the will and power to surrender her self totally devotedly to him...
Exploring each others mind, strength, and endurance....
You explore with each other the likes and dislikes, in life and in bdsm taste...
You keep experimenting on all levels!
Always exploring new borders.....
In this kind of SM romance, there is no place for punishment.
(that is a fetish, a role play act.. fantasy...)
When things dont go as you hoped it should, you both talk about it,
and learn from it.
we grow into our special kind of love.
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menstruation/ pains..? labour cramps..
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Posted:Apr 21, 2017 5:25 am
Last Updated:May 15, 2024 3:59 am 4170 Views
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For some women the menses is a very hard time, always moodswings, uncontrolable desires about some food or candy...
Breast that swell like ballons, so tender so
And the pain! to some it is really hell!
They are out of order for some days, every single month again!
Till meno pauze sets in....
Here is Holland some people made a device to let the guys feel what women actually feel during the menses.../ and or labour... childbirth
This apparatus make the low stomach muscle cramp, on a scale from -1 till 10..
without any control to stop or change the cramps.....
So, this is put on the man his stomach and he gets the cramps... just as we, or some of we do....
It seems even to have been on the Telie too...!?
So, this guy gets really sick, has a lot of pain.. a helll of a lot of pain!
so much so, that he demands to get that device off him!!
Claiming he will never want to put his girlfriend/partner through this again!
He could not stand the pain!!
He was very, very impressed by the amount of pain, most women have to endure during their menses, for years and years, or during childbirth...
I found it a revilation to see those men handle (not) the pain...
of childbirth.... or the menses... the moon cycle, the menstruationpains...
The only time i had menses pain was the very first time i bleeded...
After that, i had never had any pains, or not that much, anyway, to have to stay at home, not being able to participate in normal social encounters...
I think it is a good thing, that men, finally learn, can experience the amount of pain some women handle in their life.. from their menses, or childbirth.....
Just so, they learn to be more empathic to women...
I think this should be incorporated in to their upbringing.... mutual understanding....
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strange qualifications
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Posted:Apr 16, 2017 4:04 am
Last Updated:Apr 25, 2017 11:28 am 4677 Views
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On an other site, i was contacted by a man....
He did not have anything in his profile, only some photos..... of wich one was the symbol of BDSM... roses, barbed wire...
and a foto of someone with some strange punk hair do and very, very young, wich was in contrast with his age on his profile....?
So, ofcourse, i am curious... hahahaha not, bored more likely......
so chat....
all nice and good, no rude behaviour... that could indicate he wants to play the submissive role....?
so after the smal talk......, he asked THE most boring question online, most wrong
pick-up line EVER.....
BORING.......
I always respond by saying out of boredom i am online... duh!
I ask what is this with your profile age and your foto?
and Why?
He tell me he has a thing for "older women".....but can not put that on that site...Yes, i confess this is a vanilla site....
out of boredom, i am capable of anything!! 
So, the only qualification a woman does need is her age.....? Really?
i always find that a very rude remark.... i dont no why? Am i too sensitive?
It always gives me somehow a very dirty feeling.... in need of a shower! fast!
so she can have a very nasty personality?, bad body hygiëne? bad tooth...? be bold?
Strange....?
All she have to bé is old/older.....? YUK! and rude too.
Her only qualification is her age.....?
I am always totally flabbergasted.
I know there are all kind of people with all kind of fetishes...
but age?? huh?
ageplay i can understand.... the caring, the playfullness... i understand...
but this? I totally dont understand.....
OBJECTIFYING.....? again?
AM i lacking something, missing something here?
or...? is it OBJECTIFYING ALL OVER AGAIN!?
To long on breast feeding? to short on breast feeding? .... jest......
what the heck is his problem!?
rude behaviour in my eyes......
I think i am going to change my profile age... to be on the safe side... LMAO!
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sensuallity versus sexuality
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Posted:Apr 14, 2017 8:14 am
Last Updated:Apr 25, 2017 11:29 am 4525 Views
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Lets put this blunt,
The whole society is sexualized! Yes that is a word!
This means; WOMEN are sexualized!
look at all the commercials....?
So, sex is something you can sell or buy something with...
a fleeting feeling of happiness?
a fleeting feeling of belonging?
A fleeting feeling of BEING someone, because YOU bought thát special brand of car? coffee? shoes??
You name it.
This is all happening on a sub awareness level... it does.
Most people are not aware of this.... manipulation of the massesss....
so, females are flesh you can buy something for or with....
Sex is not longer a pure feeling anymore....
it is commercialized.....
You can buy women, you can buy sex....
I believe we all, are born as sensual beings, that means, we are aware of the body we are in, and we enjoy touching and feeling it, as a whole,.. each others and our own skin....
As a , when you grow older, you learn in some families, that there are some area's you do not touch yourself,
so you get a separation, in feeling and wanting to feel... and feeling good about that too.
This is all part of our upbringing... every, almost everybody is brainwashen this way...
Now you are a grownup and your image about sex and sexuality is all focussed on these area's wich you were not allowed to touch....
very narrow minded sexual image...
To me, it is only natural to touch people, when i talk to people i know, or we have a nice conversation were there is much mirrowing, about the topics we discus,
i touch people.
Like the more Southern countrys are custom to do, Italy, Spain, Portugal, Greece, .. it is part of their social code...
That is totally not sexual, not at all.
that is sensual,
To me, there are not much bounderies between sensual touching or sexual touching,
i mean the one can flow into the other, when you both are in balance... and or wanting that....
Here i find only totall fixation on THE PENIS, as a substitute for a more whole sensuality/sexuality...
You miss so much, if you are only fixated on YOUR PENIS....
your whole body is a sex organ...
if you only know how the act on that....
My ex husband did not get this, so every time i caressed him, he thought i wanted SEX....
He just could not grasp his head around it, that i only did that to make him feel good, give him some time to relax..... he just could not do that.
thats all!
it was not mean to be foreplay....
it was just some very sensual touching and caressing....
He was sooo focussed on the sexual act, (his penis) he could not let go of that and enjoy the massages, touching as an act on his own...
I see and hear that here all the time, the moment i tell i am not (that) interested in sex.. they are afraid of me, LOL
as if i deny a very big part of their beingness.... this can not be true! i must be sick....?!
I dont see sex as a deed, on his own, i see it as a deed within so much more...
sex is boring, sex is easy, sex is totally not interesting at all,
getting naked and perform the act is booring...
to me, that is.
I am talking vanilla sex, kinky sm play sex.... boring.....
But that is because i am a masochist, i like the thud over the sting....
The sensual touching of each other, just as a sign that you appreciate that other person...
That you acknowledge that other being, as an important being for you...
That gives me a boost.
they should and could flow into each other, the sensual beings we are, with the need for the deed..... lol.... but that is not written in concreet.
It is strange that on a site like this, there are soo many sexual occupied people, who are only able to think and act on one thing....
so very much occluded.
So narrow minded.... strange......
Oh, and if you want to go for a quicky, that is a whole other categorie! 
Just my rambling about sexuality and human behaviour.....
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no (vanilla) romance, please!
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Posted:Apr 9, 2017 12:23 pm
Last Updated:Feb 14, 2020 6:05 am 4915 Views
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As i see it, trying to find that one man, that one relation, is all about being COMPATIBLE, on more then 1 level.
negotiation is key.
Wanting the same out of such a Authority Transfer Relation.. meaning he is the one with the decision force in the relation, AFTER, we negotiated that, in depth.
No soft vanilla "romance" please,
but being able to open up to each other.
Ask, listen, ask some more, get back to what was spoken about before, getting all parts of the relation very crystal clear...
What he needs and wants from me, and what i need from him, on the relation level, ánd on the SM level.
The masochist in me has needs too, longing for your sadistic self....
And ofcourse our Loving SM style....
Being a stable force and strength is ONE VERY BIG WANT.
Being in control of himself is a necessity.
Having some sense of humor is also very wanted.
Being firm, trustwarthy....
Saying what he means and meaning what he says... Doing what he says too.
Being somewhat rough and strong and loving too.
Challenge, incite me, mentally..... to give my best... always....
Bé.
There should be a continue flow of communication, maybe even negotiation too...
changing, ever growing..... in depth......
Master-slave Masochistic-Submissive, -Sadistic as the base of the sm sexual part of the relation.
The whole authority Exchange/Transfer part of the ever growing relation as the foundation of the whole.....
easy-peasy....
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Weather in Holland...
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Posted:Apr 8, 2017 5:04 am
Last Updated:Apr 8, 2017 10:52 am 4676 Views
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The weather here is almost always dull, not much action, no big storms, no big anything... just clouds, some rain, sometimes sunny, always cloudy, mostly all day windy, windy, windy... cold.....
So, when the temperature all of the sudden rises some degree everybody panicks!
Totall madness!
Last night it was still freezing, just 1 or 3 degree.... and today they want to have a real hot day! like 20 degrees! Celsius...Right! Sure!
(. i dont not the Fahrenheit on that...)
They must be starving mad!
The ground is still too cold! The air is still cold.
Everytime again, this is happening; all code orange or red!
panic! everybody is taking their BBQ out, totall madness!
There is not even sun, at all, till this hour! It is really totally overcast.... what the F...K !!??
How in the heavens, do they think it will get 20 degree?
I always wonder what is going on in their heads?
Do they not look outside? Think on their own? Put one arm outside the window.. to actually FEEL?
Just total focussed on the weather broadcast.....?
Really!?
So, an other overcast day, cold, like 9 degree.... it always takes some time, to really get into spring, here...
In may it might be more stable... above 12 degree.... or 15....
In South Portugal the weather is really nice, in february the temperature is steady on rising, around 18 degree.. and going steady UP!
The ground warms up, the air warms up, all and everything warms up!
This only happens in Holland around june, maybe.... till august maybe.... and after that it drops again....
This happens also when there is a big fog going on, or some storm, all and everybody panics.
Code red!
It looks like nobody is capable anymore to adjust to what is happening out side their homes?
Cant handle the weather anymore.... no common sense present.
Totall madness.
I always wonder what the heck is going on?
why the panic? The craziness?
Look outside your window! look at the sky!
Look at how or if trees move!
How people behave outside!
Nót that difficult, dont you think?
The weather... is the one hot topic in Holland to lament about....
So, so boring... the one and only topic... (safe topic ofcourse...)
there is a war going on in the rest of the world, the whole world is in turmoil.....
famine in Africa..... sighs...
I always say; there is no weather in holland, hahaha!
it is always too cold, too much rain, too much of anything.... bore....
So, now i took my part in the lamenting too.  
Hope you enjoy your weather today! 
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