Test!Test? Test!?
|
Posted:Apr 25, 2023 2:21 pm
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2023 2:53 pm 6804 Views
|
You have those very populair bdsm tests.
On F.E.T they use it all the time.
In some profiles, it is the first thing you see.
It is a totally unrealible test
You can manipulate every answer, you want too.
I see those as a bullshit test.
Also, if you think, you need a test to prove you are .....?
What ever???
Well, i wont take your word on it, let me tell you that.
I much more believe in the Love Language Test.
It says something about your emotional make up.
I can rely on it, can recognise mé, in the answers.
For sure, you could manipulate that test too,
But why would you?
It tells you something about your needs and wants in a relationship.
Not necessary being a romantic relation but just about any relation, friendship building.
So,
i put that test on here, just for the fun of it.
I did the test! 
The Love Language Test!
My Love Language is;
30% Acts of Service,
27% Quality Time,
27 % Physical Touch.
recieving gifts; 3%
words of affirmation; 13%
|
|
|
10
Comments
|
|
I almost cut my.......?
|
Posted:Apr 20, 2023 12:11 pm
Last Updated:May 1, 2023 12:01 pm 9912 Views
|
No!
not my hair - Great song, though...
Crosyby, Stills and Nash?? something?
anyone??
No, i almost cut my big toe nail in two!
Yeah, well, sometimes I am a bit too enthousiastic, working with a new garden tool!
Not wearing my protective shoes...
jajadjajaja
Shhhhh
I know, stupid
But, i was only trying this thing out, see how it works.... 
It has real sharp points wich you can put in the ground and twist around to make the ground go loose again....
Great tool, not while wearing canvas shoes!!
It hurted like a real MF, i inmediately put the tool down, went inside
It felt like my toe was bleading already.
High pain treshold, you know??
Also outside the SM games....
Inside, i put my shoe out, very carefully; Aaah, thank the Lords, no blood!
i had cut just beneath my big toe nail
I massaged my toe nail untill the pain was gone.
Then i kissed my toe, for being such a strong toe....
Did not work in the garden, anymore, with that tool.
Learned a lesson.
|
|
|
31
Comments
(Page:)
|
|
Reading,
|
Posted:Apr 19, 2023 10:03 am
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2023 11:55 am 9253 Views
|
Is a passon for me.
I do it to learn, to relax, to have some body count, blood shed.......
This time i read a book, about building a M/s dynamic/ relation,
It is a great book
I learn with almost every page i turn...
His name is;
Jack Rinella, he is a Leather gay man.
I love his way of explaining, the basics of building such a loving dynamic.
He also mentioned, to NOT go to munches, partys, events.
Because there, you wont find any Master.
You only find those who play the game, no dominance. leadership qualities...
at all...
It was such a relief, to read that.
Because, that is what i was already thinking.
It was a acknowledgement of how i experienced those munches
Dont get me wrong, some munches, were not that bad.
I mean, some decent people, who were able to hold a conversation,
about something else then their genitalia/ porn fantasy, etc...
Who had a idea about how this world is doing, at the moment.
Who have some logical thoughts, about health, healthcare, childcare
and all the political games going on, worldwide ....
The real world, so to say.
Because, actually, the munches i have been going to.......
Nah......
Go to were the power is, is what he said.....
I am not even halfway, into his book.
I read every day, it is something i specially like to do, before going to sleep...
There are books, everywere, in my house, well, not in my shower, offcourse.
I always feel like a sponge, when reading, learning something new.
Makes me feel soo happy!
Keep using your brains, girls and boys!!
|
|
|
11
Comments
|
|
How many fish in the pond?
|
Posted:Apr 18, 2023 1:03 pm
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2023 12:54 pm 8679 Views
|
I had some real gems again.....
It is actually really funny, to see them wrestle with how to approach a woman,
who is suppose to be submissve...
While they did not even take the time, to read my profile or any of my writings.
They are really cleuless.
They even lack on those basics!
It is all about them,
Or it is written like a job application....
WTH?
Realy funny
No introduction.
Not explaining why they write to mé and not any of the other 6 triljoen women?
Not showing any interpersonal interest in mé, or in what i wrote in my profile?
Nothing.......
It is always great to be made feel very special...
It is certainly becoming spring, that is for sure!
Horny dogs left, right and centre!
|
|
|
10
Comments
|
|
Having a safe place,
|
Posted:Apr 16, 2023 2:11 pm
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2023 3:51 am 8958 Views
|
Although my youth/childhood was not really healthy and a safe place.
when one of the parents are emotionally totally not stable at all...
We, actually, never could predict what would happen, at any given day or time.
And even on days, that seems to start off good, youll never knew, when shit hit the fan, again, and especially why, what did trigger that madness....
So you could try to find some sort of pattern....
Not.
There was no pattern, that was the pattern.
And, although it was most of the time a sort of kind of dangerous place for us, ,
i somehow, always could make this feel good place inside me.
Be content, Be the happy me, i was, deep down inside,
no matter what happened...
I allways had this mental safe heaven, so to say...
Because i did understood, her madness, had nothing to do with me, "being mad, dangerous, should be death.... kind of crazyness...
It was all about hér, what ever did happen in her head, not me, never mé.
I knew that, very early on, on a instinctual level....
Once i discovered that it did not matter what i did, or did not do, or say
I would get hit any way....
I just said the things that happened, and that, that was not oke, at all, as young as i was.
I just said what i saw happening... I did get hit, anyway!
So, what did it matter, i better get hit for telling the true, then for any kind of inmaginary wrong doing, just to be able to punish the .... me.
To lash out.....
As young as i was, that was my attitude!
Funny, dont you think? a of maybe five, six?
Healthy people cant wrap their head around this.
I can understand, that.
This is soo fucked up, in soo many ways....
But that is my back ground, i did a whole lot of work on mé,
so to become some sort of stable person, with a core, always still a bit crazy, ofcourse, but healthy crazy, i believe...
Being happy, being mé.
Being worth it, all of it.
too.
I knów what i am worth, and there is NO person in the world, who is gonna try and convince me otherwise...
Humiliation and degradation does not work on me, on the contrary....
Because of my back ground, i am also not that easily impressed with people and their behaviour.
I have seen it all and worst.
I see, most of the time, right through them and their little games...
We talked about this, the last time, my sister was at my place.
We both laughed alot about her totall madness.....
How i was such a figther, so young.
I also did not care, for being beatin for what i said....
I knew, i told the fact.
Not impressed wiith her violence......
Sure, sometimes afraid, but not impressed....
You understand the difference?
School of hard knocks.
|
|
|
10
Comments
|
|
One thing my therapiste told me, once, many years ago...
|
Posted:Apr 16, 2023 5:15 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2023 12:52 pm 8808 Views
|
I did the eye movement EMDR,
Desentisization, therapy.
It works real good, is my experience.
The time to talk your trauma to death, is not really working, anyway....
This woman, we talked about my background,
The way i was 'programmed' if you want to cal it that....
Is what is known, 'safe' in its own sick way.
So, finding a partner is to say the least, tricky...
Because of my background.
Ofcourse, I am NOT my background, but it was a big part of my 'socialisation'......inprint..
If you want to use that word....?
It is what i know, it is what i recognise,
It does not have to mean, it is safe of wise to go that way?
BUT, it is something that resonance within mé.
The other day, i was at a shop, the staff of that shop, all have some mental something... crazyness.... live in a protected house, with 24/7 staff around...
There works this person, she is a borderline diagnosed
That is very dangerous ground for me.....
And, still i recognised... thát, what was.....
I do believe that people, who had some sort of (extreem?) toxic experiences with their "parents".
have this little hook, so to say... mentally.....
In wich, they get hooked to people, who are basiscally dangerous for them,
mentally..
Because, maybe not even knowingly.... get caught in the webs of such a person...
Because they recognice thát.
That is known!
They, think, they know, what to expect...
It is a pitall....
People with toxic experience in their childhood, should avoid those triggers, people, like the plague..
So, very counter productive, maybe in their experiences, they should go, for the socalled 'dull' people,
the emotional stable, the not lying and cheating kind..."exciting" kind...
The ones that not shout out, adventures!!,danger, but oooh sooo attractive, in a wrong, sick, fucked up way,
you wont get what you want, éver, with mé,
kind of folks....
Oh, i will give you some snippits, but i will break you down, for wanting those snippits....
The kind, that as soon as the have an idea, about your wants and needs, and especially your hurt pattern,
Will go for the slow, very, slow emotional kill.
Leaving you half death, emotionally...
Hurt again!
The endless repetition from your childhood abuse pattern....
I think, a partner who knows this, who is indeed, an emotional stable, full grown up adult, has to understand this mechanism, in folks who are hurt within their core, their basis, as a human.
Marked for life.
EMDR can desentize it, the rest is up to the person, to handle, to be aware of,
this life long pitfall....
And, i do recornize it!
this pattern....
So, for now, i stay away from guys, men, in general......
Keep my distance.....
Because of the fact that i knów my own pitfall.
Dont want to go there, ever again!
As a sign i do take my own words serious, i did cut that contact with this boderline person.
Emotional Roller coaster is not my idea, of being happy and content...
That is a too high a price.....
I a worth much, much more....
|
|
|
8
Comments
|
|
From bicycle bags to clitorus,...?
|
Posted:Apr 16, 2023 4:39 am
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2023 8:44 pm 8475 Views
|
Yeah,
Dont ask.
That is what happens when i am on the serach machine.....
It is like an encyclopedia ...
i go from this to that , to just an other interesting topic, untill i am lost and
wonder why i was even ón this what ever....?
What was i looking for, in the first place? lol
So, searching for some good bags to travel, to put on my bike..
I found a real great brand, i think, i am going to buy those.
Ortblieb is the brand name......
This article about all the nerves in a clitorus,was really very interesting
That most women/ girls dont need penetration to get an orgasm.
That you can tighten your upper leg muscles, and by doing so, you can get an orgasm
because, it is not about the tip of the clitorus, that is the one and only focus,
It is the whole nerve system...
Most women dont like it, when their tip of their clitorus is rubbed, over and over again....
It is the whole area of the clitoral muscles.....
Then i read something about chestnuts, the kind you cant eat
You can make soap from them.
Just cut them in small pieces, put those pieces in water in a jar, close the jar,
10 minutes later, depending on how big the chuncks are,
you have soap, you can use to do your laundry with.
sieve the pieces, use the chestnut water for you laundry...
No waste, no plastics.
and clean soap, recycle, circulation ecology....
all in one go.
|
|
|
15
Comments
|
|
Qualifications?
|
Posted:Apr 11, 2023 3:19 am
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2023 3:52 am 9701 Views
|
I believe there are some real good men, on here.
I really do.
Although, you might not believe that, if you hear me rambling again.. when such a .....
you know?
But, being an everlasting optimist, i dó believe it...
The thing is, as soon as they jump right into the sex talk, the role play talk,
The -mé-mé-mé talk.....
I lose all interest, in them, inmediately!
Not even a decent intro about who they (assume) they are, not even a name?
That is not how a dominant approaches a submissive,
Is what i did learn, from dominants.
There are dominants, who say, it is on the submissive to reach out to that specific dominant...
So every one has his or her own preferences. and that is oke, too!
In the years, i have approached some men, on here..... and other sites, too....
And all did not qualify.... just not.
And everytime, i did that, i did regret it, enourmously!!
not even on the human scale, let alone on the dominant scale....
First;
They did not show ANY human interest in mé, who i am, what rocks my boat, so to say...
nothing.
Just jump right into the "YOU HAVE TO DO, THIS, THAT AND THE OTHER.
Huh?
Do i know you, already? More important, do you knów mé?
Second;
Although they claim to have read my profile and or blogs,
In their reaction, in the questions they ask, you knów, they did not read ONE word.
Trying to smooth talk themselfs into a pussy??
So, starting of with lying?? Great place to start! NOT
Such a lack of respect for me, for women, in general, i believe...
Fantasy role play , porn re- inacting....
being a prop- not a real person, with a life and hobbys, worries, childen, maybe, parents to care for, maybe, pets....
and all that.
NOT.
I cán imaging, that those men, are in real life, in their job, maybe, decent guys...
Maybe....
I also can imaging, that those men, do lack something, on the EQ level.
Did not develop, emotionally, through after their 18 year....?
something like that?
I know, for sure, a dominant needs to have a EQ level, that is rock high and steady.
To be able to get into the mind(set) of his submissve/ slave.
If men, and women too, ofcourse, lack that EQ part
I believe they are a danger to your health, as a woman and as a submissive....
They act like emotional leeches, sucking, living off your emotions, for their wellbeing...
Most men, i did meet on those munches, did not have any EQ level, what so ever...
Some did have some real dangerous, unstable vibes.....
Fucked up, by life... not sane, kind of guys....
no emotional stabilty, no empathy.
No love for women, in general.
And i do believe, that dominants have a love for women, in general and for
submissve women, especially.
What are the qualifications for a submissive?
Be open about what they want and not want,
How they see such a D/s thing?
Only bedroom games, in a overall vanilla relation, with equailty?
Just the make believe, games in the bedroom?
Jst as long as she likes it, when she likes it, how she likes it?
My first interest is, who is hé as a human being?
Can i have fun with him, laugh with him?
Can i talk with him, about everything, without being afraid to be made fun of, or redicule....
Empathizing with how i see the world?
Does he has any awareness about the state the world, is in, at this moment?
about how they see such a Dynamic, D/s?
Talk about their hard limits, their fears, joys, and everything in between.
At some moment in time, in the contact, show their vulnerability....
First, do their best, to build trust.
Build the submissive up, give her your faith.......emotional stable....
Not one men, i did get in contact with, had any of these qualifications.
Sad, isnt it?
Sure, i want to know, too, if he is what he claims to be.
Does he know the difference between being a submissive or being a masochiste/
Or being both?
What those differences are?
Does he knows the difference between being a Top and a Dominant and being a Master? ( or a bedroom player)
Can he explain it, too?
Sure, i too, want to know, if we are compatible, on the kinks level...
BUT< there is fist something else very important.
Do we match on the human level?
Most dont even take the time to find that out.
I have this very strange thing;  , to feel safe with him, you know?
I have to like him, before anything else...
Most men, all jump right into the sex talk, porn talk.
No patience?
A bad sign for a dominant.
Changing their minds, all the time?
Also a bad sign for a dominant.
There must be more, much more, but this is it, for now.
I want to give my submission, slave
But, if there is nobody who understands this, knów this, wánts this?
But, only want to use/ abuse my body?
No, can do.
I want it all, it has to be a part of the whole.
intergated in every part of our dynamic, relation.
not just the; Mé. i am THE dominant and you do, what i say!!
role play.
|
|
|
13
Comments
|
|
I did the test ;-) My profile text on Fetlife,
|
Posted:Apr 9, 2023 1:10 pm
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2023 2:19 am 9742 Views
|
13- 07-2021.
Esperansa
I did the test!
The Love Language Test!
My Love Language is;
30% Acts of Service,
27% Quality Time,
27 % Physical Touch.
recieving gifts; 3%
words of affirmation; 13%
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
It is a draft...
I am here, to learn.
Some pleope do knów, thís, early on, in life.
And then life comes marching in, role with the punches, modes.
School of hard knocks.
Finally, found my core again...
My first, somewhat, auto sm, what ever, if you can call it that?, was very early on.
Ofcourse, i did not have the words for it, let alone knew that there was such a thing like SM or having a D/s.
i was in kindergarden age....
Very early on, i knew, i loved pain in a sexual, sensual arousing way....
In primary school, i had another # experience# that awoke something deep, deep inside me.
Not knowing the words, only how it suppose to feel...THIS! i was in heaven,
and at the same time, at a loss....
How?
Were? WHo? How to find such a person... What to do?
It has to touch some nerve in my belly... makes me glow, from deep inside.... within.
that is the sex sm part.
In my vanilla relations i always #waited# for the partner to take controle,
to lead, to bé...
Although i talked about this, tried to explain, my feelings, my needs, longings....,
for his leadership, his guidance. him being my rock, kind of thing....
It is a Leadership orientated connection.
But, well, when it is not IN someone, to lead, to take controle, care, that amount of responsiblity....?
it will never happen, or when it is happening, i feel it is not from within.
It is a learned mechanism.
That is what my experience here, with socalled dominants was, too.
A learned mechanism, a role, so to say...
That is why there never was a real deep connection with those socalled dominants, possible.
It stayed at some stage level.... performance....
That is also why those folks dont #feel/ see# my submission.
it is very subtle. it is not right in your face.
it is much more... in very small things....
It is also all emcompassing.
It is relation orientated, not play orientated.
To me, it is about building friendship, from friendship,
trust, a hell of a lot of trust, really knowing each other,
like to be with each other, have fun, make each other laugh,
cook meals for each other.,care for the other person.
Let the other person into your life, in all aspect.
I have to like you, and to be able to like you, i have to really knów you.
That is were it all starts for me.
I am, at first, totally NOT interested in your dick or fetishes.
I first want to get to know thé person, in all his aspects, the bad, the ugly and the good.
It is mind, soul and body to me.
i can not make little compartements, to "do"sm in, without a very deep connection.
Although i like sex, when he is any good at it?
And to be "any good at it" he has to know me, my body, soul and mind.
It is NEVER about sex, for me.
It is about surrender, trust. and even love.....
It is about being submissive, love to be of service, in all kind of matter, not only sexual,
because to me, that is really very easy.
I prefere the word; surrender,
to me, submission, or being submissive, is about an act during a certain time frame.
with a beginning and a end.
Surrender, to me, is all, mind, soul and body, always, within what ever we agreed on.
I have limits., ethics and a moral code, i try to live by.....
I hope, one day, my limits and his, are the same, so i wont have any limits.
i am rather intelligent, on a intuitive level, i do not have a very fancy education level,
a visionary thinker.
I knów, by feeling, by screening..... by observing..... by #reading# people.
That almost never fails.
That makes going to things like munches, very energy consuming, tiresome,
energy slurping.....
Because i ;see;.... what most so desperately try to hide.. without wanting to ;see it; all that,
confussing energy levels.
That is also why i dont feel comfortable in (large) groups.... All those confusing energy levels...Pfff....
I know; without knowing how or why i #know#.....
I am a witch! LOL
It is a draft.......
|
|
|
7
Comments
|
|
twilight?
|
Posted:Apr 9, 2023 12:47 pm
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2023 2:23 am 8679 Views
|
I love twilight! in Spring. and summer, too.
Working in my front garden, in twilight, is especially very nice!!
The only down point about it, is i dont see the ants crawling all around.
So i did prune some shrubs, they were getting a way bit too tall...
It was great, that special energy, from the twilight, working in my garden!
Gives me energy!
Only, now i am in the house and it itches everywere!!
Ants crawling all over me! Or so it feels...
Reminds me of a song; Ants all crawling over me, goddamn, give me a drink!
Nathaniel Rateliff & the nightsweats
SOB
Check it out!
I have read somewere, that the acid of ants is good for your body,
help you clean up, the posionous stuff, we all put into our bodys.....?
Like a spring cleaning, but then for your body.....
I wonder???
Maybe , i go into the garden again, tomorrow, round twilight.
I love twilight!
|
|
|
9
Comments
|
|
